Divorce is a life-changing experience in many ways, even if you’re the person who filed for it.
No one goes into a marriage intending for it to end, but these things happen — pretty often, as it turns out. Still, ending a relationship you thought would last forever is often devastating. You’re mourning a loss, and that takes time and effort to process and move past. You will get over it in the end, but not until you go through these vital healing stages of grief.
1. The zombie phone checking phase
This is when your phone becomes both your best friend and worst enemy. You check their social media every five minutes like it’s your new part-time job, even though you know it’s about as healthy as eating a whole pint of ice cream for breakfast. Your thumb has developed a mind of its own, automatically typing their name into search bars. Your friends might need to stage an intervention for your phone-checking addiction, but hey, we’ve all been there.
2. The great belongings purge
Suddenly, everything in your home seems to have a memory attached to it, and you’re faced with decisions about what to keep, put out with the rubbish, or set on fire (kidding about that last one, mostly). You might find yourself staring at a coffee mug for twenty minutes, debating its emotional significance. This is when you learn that even the most mundane objects — like that weird decorative bowl you never liked anyway — can trigger a surprisingly strong emotional response.
3. The identity crisis makeover
This is when you decide that clearly, the solution to everything is a dramatic appearance change. You might find yourself contemplating bangs at 3 AM, or thinking that maybe bright purple hair is exactly what your career as an accountant needs. Some of us go for the dramatic haircut, others hit the gym like they’re training for the apocalypse. It’s all part of the process of rediscovering who you are without the “we” attached.
4. The mutual friends awkward dance
Welcome to the world’s most uncomfortable social choreography. Everyone’s trying to figure out who “gets” which friends in the split, and you’re navigating social events like they’re minefields. Group chats become oddly quiet, and you realise just how many inside jokes involved your ex. This is when you learn that some friends are better at handling awkward situations than others, and some just mysteriously vanish until the dust settles.
5. The single person skills crash course
Suddenly, you’re facing all those tasks your ex used to handle, and it’s like being thrown into the deep end of the adult pool. Maybe you’re YouTubing “how to unclog a drain” at midnight, or trying to figure out why the Wi-Fi keeps disconnecting. This crash course in independence might involve some fails (like that time you tried to assemble furniture alone), but each small victory feels huge.
6. The ex’s happy news meltdown
Just when you think you’re doing better, boom — you hear they’ve moved on, and it feels like day one all over again. You might find yourself ugly crying in weird places, like the grocery store’s cereal aisle or during a work Zoom call. This phase usually involves at least one embarrassing social media stalking session and possibly some regrettable late-night texting to friends about how “totally fine” you are with it all.
7. The revenge success mission
This is when “living well is the best revenge” becomes your new life motto. You start pursuing goals with intense focus, whether it’s career achievements, fitness goals, or finally learning to juggle (hey, whatever works). You might be motivated by spite initially, but eventually, these positive changes stick around long after the revenge motivation fades.
8. The dating app confusion
Entering the modern dating world feels like landing on an alien planet where everyone speaks in emojis and ghosting is an accepted form of communication. You find yourself trying to decode what “Netflix and chill” really means, and wondering if your profile picture from five years ago is technically false advertising. The learning curve is steep, and sometimes hilarious.
9. The memory box debate
You keep shifting that box of memories between the “keep” and “toss” piles like it’s a hot potato. The photos, cards, and random ticket stubs feel too precious to throw away but too painful to look at. This might result in the box doing several tours of your home before finding its final resting place — usually in the back of a closet where it can’t ambush you with feelings.
10. The financial reality check
The moment when you realise that being single means your budget needs a complete overhaul hits hard. You start doing maths that would impress your old high school teacher and discover the true cost of streaming services when you can’t share accounts anymore. This phase involves a lot of spreadsheets and possibly some creative budgeting solutions that your financial advisor definitely wouldn’t approve of.
11. The holiday season survival mode
The first round of holidays post-divorce feels like navigating an emotional obstacle course. Every tradition needs rethinking, and family gatherings require new strategies. You might find yourself creating new traditions, like “Singles Thanksgiving” or “Christmas Movie Marathon of Independence,” turning what could be lonely times into opportunities for new memories.
12. The past pattern recognition
This is when you start noticing patterns in your past relationship that you were blind to before. It’s like putting on glasses and suddenly seeing everything clearly — both the good and the bad. You might have several “aha” moments that make you want to time travel and shake your younger self. These realisations can be uncomfortable, but they’re crucial for not repeating old patterns.
13. The unexpected freedom revelation
One day, you realise you can eat cereal for dinner without commentary, watch your guilty pleasure shows without judgment, or spend Saturday morning doing absolutely nothing. These small moments of freedom start to feel pretty amazing. You discover that making decisions solo, while sometimes scarier, comes with its own kind of joy.
14. The forgiveness phase
This sneaks up on you when you least expect it. Maybe you’re doing something totally mundane like grocery shopping when you realise the anger isn’t burning quite as hot anymore. You might even catch yourself hoping they’re doing okay (which feels weird at first). This doesn’t mean you want to be best friends, but the emotional intensity starts to fade into something more manageable.
15. The genuine moving forward milestone
The day comes when you realise you’ve gone 24 hours without thinking about them, and it doesn’t feel like a victory or a tragedy — it just is. Your life has evolved into something new, and while it might not be what you planned, it’s increasingly feeling like it fits. You find yourself making future plans without the divorce being the main character in your story.
