When you’re dating, you’re looking for more than just immediate chemistry.
That’s important, of course, but you also need connection, clarity, and communication if you’re going to stand any chance of making a real go of a relationship. Of course, figuring out if those things are in place requires a bit of honest conversation. Talking about these things in particular will help you build something real, not just romantic. It might feel a bit awkward to bring these topics up, but it’ll be worth it in one way or another.
1. Where you both see this going
It’s one thing to have fun together, but it’s another to know if you’re both looking for something serious. Talking about intentions early on helps avoid future heartbreaks or mismatched expectations. You don’t need to lay out your entire future, but a general sense of direction keeps things grounded and respectful. It also gives you both a chance to check in and make sure you’re actually on the same page.
2. How you define commitment
One person’s idea of being exclusive can be very different from another’s. Clarifying what commitment looks like to both of you can help prevent confusion and future arguments. Whether it’s about deleting dating apps or deciding when to say “I love you,” this talk sets expectations early. It’s a good way to see how you each show up in relationships and what matters most.
3. What your day-to-day lives actually look like
It’s easy to romanticise each other’s lives when you’re only seeing the highlights. Talking about schedules, routines, and even how you recharge helps you understand each other more realistically. Learning that one of you needs quiet time after work or thrives on social plans every weekend gives insight into how your lifestyles align, or don’t. It’s not about judging, just understanding how things might actually flow together.
4. How you both deal with conflict
Everyone fights, but it’s how you handle it that matters. Talking about your conflict styles ahead of time gives you both tools for managing tension when it comes up. Some people shut down, others talk it out immediately. Knowing each other’s tendencies makes it easier to avoid misunderstandings and keep respect at the centre, even in heated moments.
5. Your relationship with money
Money talk might feel awkward, but it’s necessary. Your habits, attitudes, and even baggage around finances often show up in subtle ways in relationships. The conversation can cover everything from who pays for dates to how you both feel about debt or savings. You’re not merging accounts yet, but understanding your differences early can save a lot of drama later.
6. Your friendships and social life
How important are your friends in your life? Are you someone who thrives on group hangs, or do you prefer one-on-one time? This is worth chatting about sooner rather than later. If one of you’s out every weekend and the other’s more of a homebody, it helps to know. You don’t have to be identical, but you do need to know how to balance each other’s social needs.
7. Boundaries that matter to you
Boundaries aren’t about building walls. They’re about showing someone how to treat you. The earlier you talk about yours, the healthier things can stay. Whether it’s needing personal space, alone time, or boundaries around social media, saying it clearly sets the tone for mutual respect. It also invites them to share theirs in return.
8. Past relationships (when it feels right)
You don’t need to do a full relationship history download, but talking about key past experiences can help explain how you show up in love now. The timing just needs to feel natural. The point here isn’t comparing or dragging up drama — it’s about context. It shows self-awareness and gives the other person a better picture of who you are and what you’ve learned along the way.
9. What makes you feel emotionally safe
Emotional safety is one of those things people don’t always talk about until it’s missing. But this kind of openness early on can be game-changing. Whether it’s consistent communication, being listened to, or feeling trusted, everyone has different emotional needs. Sharing yours and hearing theirs helps you build something with real support at the core.
10. Your thoughts on intimacy and affection
This one goes beyond just physical intimacy—it’s about closeness in general. Some people show affection constantly, others in quieter ways. Knowing this makes a big difference. If you’re someone who needs regular hugs or verbal affirmations, it’s helpful to say so. It’s also helpful to ask what makes them feel connected. You’ll both be clearer on how to meet each other’s needs.
11. The role of independence in your life
Relationships are about connection, but they also need space. Talking about how you each value independence helps avoid resentment or pressure later. Some people need solo time to recharge or have strong ties to hobbies and careers that matter deeply. Respecting that early helps both of you grow together without losing yourselves in the process.
12. How you both communicate day-to-day
Some people love all-day texting, others don’t. Having a quick chat about your preferred communication style keeps things feeling easy instead of confusing. If you both know what’s normal for each other, whether it’s a good morning text or checking in after work, you’ll avoid unnecessary stress. It’s about rhythm, not rules.
13. What your values and priorities are
This doesn’t mean you need to agree on everything, but some things really do matter in the long run. Chatting about values like family, honesty, or ambition helps spot deeper compatibility. Even if you have different backgrounds or beliefs, knowing what drives each other builds respect. It also makes it easier to navigate differences if they ever come up.
14. How you feel about future goals
Whether it’s marriage, kids, travel, or career dreams, it helps to at least know what the other person is aiming for in life. It’s not about planning the rest of your lives, just getting a sense of direction. These chats aren’t about locking anything in, but they do help you know if your paths are even headed in similar directions. That matters more than people often realise in the early stages.
15. What makes a relationship feel worth it to you
This is the heart of it all. Asking what really matters in a relationship—to you and to them—opens up space for a different kind of connection. It’s about understanding what makes love feel safe, fun, and real. It might be mutual effort, consistent laughter, being seen and understood, or just feeling like a team. When you both know what makes love feel good, you’re more likely to build it on purpose, not just by accident.
