Narcissists are desperate to control and dominate their victims, and they’ll stop at nothing to make it happen.
Unfortunately, that means that when you stand your ground and refuse to do what they want, their true colours come shining on through. While they could just apologise for being toxic and abusive, instead, they’ll resort to a number of other manipulative tactics to keep their old over you. Here are some red flag behaviours to be on the lookout for — and run away from the minute you spot them.
1. They’ll try to gaslight you.
One of the most common tactics a narcissist will use is gaslighting, but you probably know that by now. This involves distorting reality in an attempt to make you doubt your own memories and perceptions. They might deny saying or doing things, accuse you of being overly sensitive or unreasonable, or twist events to make themselves look like the victim. The goal is to make you feel confused and insecure, making it easier for them to regain control.
2. They’ll launch personal attacks.
Source: Unsplash When you refuse to back down, a narcissist will usually resort to trying to destroy your character and tear down your self-esteem. They’ll try to undermine your self-worth by criticising your appearance, intelligence, abilities… the list goes on and on. These attacks are usually cruel and unfair, designed to make you feel bad about yourself and more likely to give in to their demands.
3. They’ll play the victim.
Narcissists are experts at making themselves seem like the ones who’ve been hard done by. They’ll try to make you feel guilty or responsible for their bad behaviour. They’ll claim that you’re being unreasonable, selfish, or uncaring. They might even cry or throw a tantrum to get your sympathy. The goal is to make you feel bad for them and more likely to give in to their demands.
4. They’ll try to isolate you.
A narcissist will always try to isolate you from your friends and family. They’ll badmouth your loved ones, spread rumours about you, or try to create conflict between you and the people who support you. The goal is to make you feel alone and dependent on them, making it harder for you to resist their control.
5. They’ll try to intimidate you.
Narcissists can be very scary, especially when they feel threatened. They’ll raise their voice, use threatening language, or even become physically aggressive. The goal is to scare you into submission and make you more likely to give in to their demands.
6. They’ll try to manipulate your emotions.
If there’s one thing narcissists excel at, it’s twisting people’s feelings. They use guilt, shame, fear, or anger to get what they want. Or, they could go the opposite route and also use charm and flattery to try to win you over. The goal is to make you feel emotionally overwhelmed and more likely to give in to their demands.
7. They’ll try to control your finances.
A narcissist might try to find a way to control your money as a way of gaining power over you. They’ll limit your access to money, make you ask for permission to spend money, or even try to take over your bank accounts. The goal is to make you financially dependent on them, making it harder for you to leave the relationship.
8. They’ll try to sabotage your success.
Because narcissists need to be the centre of attention all the time, they’re guaranteed to be jealous of any success you achieve, especially if it makes them look bad. They’ll try to undermine your achievements, spread rumours about you, or even try to get you fired from your job. The goal is to keep you down and make them feel superior.
9. They’ll smear your reputation.
When all else fails, a narcissist will resort to trying to destroy your reputation. They spread rumours, lies, and half-truths about you to anyone who will listen. They may even try to turn your friends and family against you. The goal is to make you look bad and discredit you to other people. This can be very damaging, both personally and professionally.
10. They’ll threaten to leave or hurt you.
Narcissists often use threats to manipulate and control people. When you refuse to back down, they might threaten to leave you, hurt you, or harm themselves. These threats can be very frightening and can make it hard to think clearly. It’s important to remember that these threats are often empty, but it’s always best to err on the side of caution and seek help if you feel unsafe.
11. They’ll try to hoover you back in.
Even after you’ve broken free from a narcissist’s control, they may try to “hoover” you back into the relationship. This involves showering you with attention, gifts, and apologies. They’ll usually promise to change their behaviour and make you feel loved and appreciated. However, this is often just a ploy to regain control. Once they have you back under their thumb, they’ll likely revert to their old ways. Surprise, surprise…
12. They’ll try to turn people against you.
Narcissists are scarily good at manipulating people and turning them against you. They’ll tell your friends and family lies about you, making you look like the villain. They might also try to isolate you from your support system, making you feel alone and vulnerable.
13. They’ll try to make you feel crazy.
One of the most insidious tactics a narcissist will use is to make you feel like you’re going insane. They’ll gaslight you, deny your reality, or accuse you of being overly sensitive. They may even try to convince you that you’re imagining things. This can be very confusing and disorienting, and it can make it hard to trust your own judgment.
14. They’ll try to punish you.
If you refuse to back down to a narcissist, they’ll definitely try to punish you. This could involve withdrawing affection, giving you the silent treatment, or sabotaging your efforts. They’ll also try to make you feel guilty or ashamed for standing up for yourself.
15. They’ll never take responsibility.
Narcissists never take responsibility for their actions. No matter how obvious it is that they’re the ones at fault, they’ll always find a way to blame other people for their mistakes. They’ll even try to convince you that you’re the one who is at fault. This can be very frustrating and demoralising, but it’s important to remember that it’s not your fault.
