Some people never quite grow up, no matter how much older they get.
Whether because their parents lacked emotional intelligence and therefore never taught them, or because they simply refused to do any self-reflection or embark on personal growth, you can always spot an emotionally underdeveloped person in the wild. Nine times out of 10, they tend to do these things.
1. They avoid accountability at all costs.
If something goes wrong, it’s never their fault. They’re experts at blaming other people or making excuses rather than owning up to their mistakes. Trying to get them to see their part in an issue is often like pulling teeth, so patience—and clear boundaries—are key.
2. They struggle with commitment.
Commitment can feel like a trap to emotionally underdeveloped adults, whether it’s in relationships, jobs, or even weekend plans. They may jump from one thing to another or cancel last minute. It’s often a way of avoiding responsibility and the vulnerability that comes with sticking around.
3. They have an “all about me” attitude.
Everything tends to revolve around them—at least in their minds. Conversations somehow circle back to their experiences, and they may seem uninterested in other people’s perspectives. A little reminder that everyone else needs attention too can sometimes help balance things out.
4. They deflect emotions through humour.
Instead of dealing with difficult emotions, they might crack jokes or make light of things. While humour can be a great coping mechanism, too much of it can prevent them from processing what’s really going on. Sometimes it helps to gently bring the focus back to their true feelings.
5. They expect instant gratification.
Emotionally underdeveloped adults often want things immediately, whether it’s results at work, rewards, or even affection. Patience isn’t their strong suit, and waiting can lead to impatience or irritation. Setting realistic expectations can help keep things on track.
6. They react rather than respond.
Instead of calmly responding, they may lash out or get defensive. Emotionally mature people take a moment to consider their response, but these individuals let their initial feelings lead the way, sometimes causing drama that could’ve been avoided.
7. They avoid difficult conversations.
Whether it’s about feelings, boundaries, or responsibilities, emotionally underdeveloped adults often dodge tough talks. They may ghost, change the subject, or become evasive, making it hard to resolve issues. Sometimes, clear communication and patience can help them open up over time.
8. They struggle with empathy.
Emotionally underdeveloped adults may find it hard to put themselves in anyone else’s shoes. They might be dismissive or unaware of other people’s emotions, making interactions feel one-sided. Encouraging them to see things from a different perspective can sometimes bridge the gap.
9. They have a fear of vulnerability.
To them, showing vulnerability feels like weakness. They may avoid expressing genuine emotions or admitting when they’re hurt. Letting them know that vulnerability is safe and human can help, but remember to set boundaries to protect your own emotional health too.
10. They tend to play the victim.
These adults might frame every inconvenience as something happening “to them,” painting themselves as the helpless victim. It’s a way to avoid accountability and gain sympathy. Recognising this pattern can help you avoid getting drawn into their narrative.
11. They avoid personal growth.
Source: Unsplash Emotionally underdeveloped adults often resist change, whether it’s through therapy, self-reflection, or personal development. They may feel threatened by growth, seeing it as unnecessary or uncomfortable. Supporting their growth is fine, but remember, you can’t force someone to change.
12. They use manipulation to get their way.
Source: Unsplash Instead of open communication, they might resort to guilt-tripping, sulking, or even the silent treatment. These tactics can be draining, so staying aware and setting clear limits can prevent you from being pulled into their games.
13. They crave constant reassurance.
Source: Unsplash Emotionally underdeveloped adults often seek validation and reassurance, needing constant reminders that they’re valued. While encouragement is good, it’s exhausting if they become overly dependent on your support. Gently encourage self-reliance and remind them of their own strengths.
14. They avoid setting or respecting boundaries.
Source: Unsplash They may cross lines without noticing or ignore boundaries people set for them. Boundaries can feel limiting to them, but without them, relationships can become strained. Calmly asserting your own boundaries can show them that respecting limits is a must for healthy connections.
15. They hold grudges rather than forgiving.
Source: Unsplash Emotionally underdeveloped adults may struggle to forgive, holding on to the past long after the dust has settled. Forgiving and letting go can feel like a loss of power, so they cling to grudges instead. Encouraging them to move forward without invalidating their feelings can help release some of that negativity.
