The bond between fathers and sons is a special one, and it should be handled with care.
A lot of what boys learn about how to be men comes from their dads, which makes it all the more important that as a father, you pass on lessons to your son that teach them to be kind, considerate, and caring, as well as giving them the confidence they need to face the world (minus the arrogance). To achieve that, you’ll want to avoid saying certain things that could undo all the good you’ve achieved as a parent.
1. “Boys don’t cry.”
Telling your son that “boys don’t cry” sends the wrong message. It teaches him to bottle up his feelings, which isn’t healthy in the long run. Instead, let him know it’s okay to express his emotions. Encourage him to talk about how he feels, whether he’s happy, sad, or anything in between. This helps him develop emotional intelligence and resilience, setting him up for better relationships and well-being down the line.
2. “I’m disappointed in you.”
Simply saying you’re disappointed without any context can really hurt your son’s self-esteem. He might feel like he’s let you down without knowing how to make things right. Instead, take the time to explain what’s bothering you. Talk it out and help him understand how he can improve. This way, you’re guiding him toward growth rather than leaving him feeling inadequate.
3. “Man up.”
Telling your son to “man up” can make him feel like he has to hide his true feelings or act a certain way to fit some outdated idea of masculinity. It’s better to encourage him to be himself, emotions and all. Let him know that being a man doesn’t mean suppressing feelings or putting on a tough exterior. Authenticity is key to his happiness and development.
4. Any comparison to anyone else
Saying things like “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” or “Your friend got better grades than you” can breed resentment and insecurity. Every child is unique with their own strengths and challenges. Focus on your son’s personal growth and achievements. Celebrate his successes and help him work through his struggles without making him feel like he has to measure up to someone else.
5. Dismissing his interests as “pointless”
If your son is passionate about something, even if you don’t get it, try not to belittle it. Calling his hobbies “pointless” can dampen his enthusiasm and stifle his creativity. Instead, show interest in what he loves. Ask questions, get involved, or simply support him from the sidelines. This encourages him to explore his passions and can boost his confidence.
6. “You’re not good enough.”
Telling your son he’s not good enough can have a lasting negative impact on his self-esteem. It might make him feel like he shouldn’t even try. Instead, focus on the effort he’s putting in and encourage him to keep improving. Let him know that everyone has areas to work on and that you’re there to support him every step of the way.
7. “Don’t be such a girl” and similar phrases
Source: Unsplash Saying things like this perpetuates harmful gender stereotypes and teaches your son that certain behaviours are “unacceptable” for boys. Encourage him to be himself without worrying about fitting into a specific mould. Respect and empathy are qualities everyone should have, regardless of gender.
8. “I don’t have time for this.”
When your son comes to you with something on his mind, dismissing him with “I don’t have time for this” can make him feel unimportant. Even if you’re busy, try to acknowledge his need to talk. If you really can’t chat at that moment, set aside a specific time when you can give him your full attention. This shows him that his thoughts and feelings matter to you.
9. “I wish you were never born.”
Saying something this hurtful can cause deep emotional wounds that might never fully heal. No matter how frustrated you might feel, expressing regret over his existence is incredibly damaging. Instead, focus on the specific issue at hand and communicate your feelings without attacking his sense of self.
10. “You’re just like your mother.”
Source: Unsplash Using this phrase as an insult puts down your son and disrespects his mother. It can create confusion and tension in his relationships with both of you. If there’s a behaviour that concerns you, address it directly without making negative comparisons. Keep the focus on actions, not personalities.
11. “Stop being so sensitive.”
Telling your son to stop being sensitive can make him feel like his emotions are invalid. Everyone has feelings, and it’s important for him to learn how to process them. Encourage open conversations about how he feels and help him develop healthy coping mechanisms. This builds emotional strength, not weakness.
12. “I’m not proud of you.”
Hearing that you’re not proud of him can be deeply discouraging. It might make him feel like he’ll never meet your expectations. Instead, acknowledge his efforts and guide him on how he can improve. Celebrate his achievements, no matter how small, and let him know that your pride isn’t conditional on perfection.
13. “You’ll never amount to anything.”
Such a harsh statement can crush your son’s ambition and self-belief. It might discourage him from pursuing his goals altogether. Instead, support his dreams and encourage him to work hard. Let him know that you believe in his potential and are there to help him navigate any obstacles.
14. “I don’t love you.”
Saying “I don’t love you” can cause severe emotional damage that affects your son’s ability to form healthy relationships in the future. Even in moments of anger or frustration, it’s crucial to reaffirm your love. Focus on addressing the behaviour that’s causing issues, not attacking his sense of being loved and valued.
15. “You’re too old for that.”
Source: Unsplash Telling your son he’s too old for certain activities can make him feel rushed to grow up or ashamed of his interests. Let him enjoy his childhood at his own pace. Encourage his hobbies and playfulness, as they contribute to his creativity and happiness. There’s plenty of time for him to mature, so let him enjoy being a kid while he can.
