Sadly, even confident-seeming guys can have hidden insecurities. Sometimes those insecurities are obvious, sometimes they’re subtle. But one thing’s for sure: they impact how he acts in a relationship. Spotting these patterns isn’t about judging him, but about recognizing whether his issues are something you’re willing and equipped to handle.
1. They need constant reassurance.
Low self-esteem creates a bottomless pit of neediness. He might fish for compliments, ask repeatedly if you still love him, or get insecure over silly things. Initially, it’s easy to soothe his ego, but over time the constant reassurance becomes draining. He needs to work on building his own self-worth. You can’t fill that hole for him.
2. They get jealous all the time.
Source: Unsplash He’s not just protective, he’s straight-up possessive. A harmless conversation with a coworker sets him off. You mentioning an ex, even in passing, sends him into a spiral. This comes from a deep-seated fear that he’s not good enough, that any other guy is a threat. It’s exhausting and a major red flag.
3. They take things way too personally.
Source: Unsplash A little constructive criticism? Boom, he’s sulking. Did you tease him playfully? He gets offended. It’s tough to walk on eggshells all the time. His insecurity makes him hypersensitive and unable to distinguish between playful banter and actual disrespect.
4. They’re either passive or have a short fuse.
Source: Unsplash Low self-esteem can create two extremes. Some guys become passive, avoiding expressing any needs for fear of rejection. Others flip the script and become aggressive, lashing out in anger to mask their hurt. Neither is ideal for healthy communication, which is the foundation of a good relationship.
5. They have trouble committing.
Source: Unsplash Fear of abandonment runs high with insecure guys. They might say they want a serious relationship, but subconsciously sabotage any chance of getting close. The second you’re fully in, he pulls away. It’s a defence mechanism to protect himself from potential rejection.
6. They try to change you.
Source: Unsplash His insecurities make him try to mould you into his “ideal” partner, whether it’s criticizing your clothes, your hobbies, or your friends. It’s a way to try to control the relationship, to avoid feeling like he’s not good enough as you are. This is super unhealthy and disrespectful.
7. They compare you to other women (constantly).
Source: Unsplash Maybe he compares you to his ex, a celebrity, even a random girl on the street! He does this to make YOU feel insecure, thinking if you feel less-than, you’re less likely to leave him. Huge red flag, and honestly, kind of pathetic on his part.
8. They bring you down rather than building you up.
Source: Unsplash Deep down, he doesn’t want you to outshine him. So, instead of celebrating your successes, he downplays them. A promotion at work? He makes some backhanded comment about how it’s “not that big of a deal.” This stems from his own insecurities – your success shines a light on his shortcomings.
9. They refuse to apologize, even when they’re clearly wrong.
Source: Unsplash Admitting fault feels like a direct attack on his already fragile ego. So, he’ll spin things, deflect blame, or find some roundabout way to make you feel like the bad guy. It’s impossible to have healthy conflict resolution with someone who can’t admit to any wrongdoing.
10. They isolate you from friends and family.
Source: Unsplash An insecure guy feels threatened by your other relationships. He wants all your focus on HIM. He might subtly criticize your loved ones, make you feel guilty for spending time with them, or create drama to drive a wedge between you. This is a major sign of controlling behaviour.
11. They don’t take care of themselves.
Source: Unsplash This isn’t about looks, it’s about effort. If he neglects his health, appearance, and basic self-care, it reflects a “why bother?” attitude born from low self-esteem. Sure, we all have rough days, but chronic apathy is a red flag for mental health struggles that need addressing.
12. They have a hard time making decisions.
Source: Unsplash Picking a restaurant? Nightmare. Deciding on a weekend plan? He’s paralysed. It’s not just indecision, it’s a deep-rooted fear of making the “wrong” choice and being criticized for it. This lack of assertiveness can make it feel like YOU’RE running the show all the time, which is unfair and gets old quickly.
13. They’re always the victim.
Source: Unsplash Nothing is ever his fault. Bad day at work? It’s his boss’s fault, never his. Argument with a buddy? He twists it to make himself the innocent one. This lack of accountability gets exhausting. He needs to learn how to own his role in situations instead of always deflecting blame.
14. They’re addicted to external validation.
Source: Unsplash His entire mood hinges on likes on social media, a comment from a hot girl, or praise from his boss. When he lacks internal validation, he seeks it frantically from everywhere else. This rollercoaster is exhausting to be around as his partner.
15. They struggle to be genuinely happy for you.
Source: Unsplash When good things happen to you, his reaction is lukewarm at best. Maybe there’s a flicker of jealousy or a subtle attempt to downplay it. It’s hard to celebrate your wins with someone who, deep down, feels threatened by your success. You deserve a partner who is your biggest cheerleader, period.
