After years of feeling “different,” finally getting an autism diagnosis can be life-changing in the best possible way.
However, it also comes with its challenges, particularly when it comes to how other people react to discovering that you’re officially on the spectrum, even if you or they have suspected it for years. People often make comments that, while well-meaning, can feel dismissive, ignorant, or downright frustrating. Here are just a few of the things people diagnosed with autism later in life are sick of hearing.
1. “You don’t look autistic.”
Autism isn’t something you can see, for goodness’ sake. This comment not only perpetuates stereotypes but also dismisses the diversity of the autism spectrum. Autism is a neurological difference, not a specific “look” or behaviour that’s immediately obvious. Just because someone doesn’t fit a certain idea of what autism should look like doesn’t mean they’re any less autistic — it just means the spectrum is wider than people realise.
2. “But you’ve done fine without a diagnosis so far.”
While it’s true that some people have developed coping mechanisms, this doesn’t mean they haven’t struggled. A late diagnosis often brings a sense of relief and understanding about problems they’ve had in the past that were never properly addressed. Knowing the reason behind their struggles helps people feel validated, not like they’ve just been “getting by.”
3. “Everyone’s a little autistic these days.”
Statements like this minimise the lived experience of autistic individuals. Autism is a specific neurological difference, not a quirky personality trait or a label that’s “trendy.” It’s important to respect the depth of someone’s diagnosis. By oversimplifying autism as “just a little bit like everyone,” it invalidates the real challenges people face and the support they may need.
4. “Are you sure it’s not something else?”
Second-guessing someone’s diagnosis can feel invalidating and dismissive. Autism assessments are thorough and based on professional evaluations, not casual assumptions. Trust that people know their own experience better than you do. When someone has already been through the process of understanding their neurodiversity, hearing “Are you sure?” can feel like a denial of that hard-earned clarity.
5. “You must be really high-functioning.”
The concept of “functioning labels” oversimplifies the spectrum of autism. People may excel in certain areas while struggling in others, and such labels can invalidate their challenges. Autism isn’t a binary — it’s a nuanced and varied experience. Just because someone can speak well, hold a job, or interact socially doesn’t mean they aren’t dealing with significant difficulties behind the scenes.
6. “You’re just shy or introverted.”
While shyness or introversion can overlap with some traits of autism, they’re not the same. Autism affects sensory processing, communication, and social interactions in ways that go far beyond personality traits. Dismissing someone’s autistic traits as simply being “shy” or “quiet” fails to acknowledge the complexities that come with being neurodiverse.
7. “How come no one noticed earlier?”
Many late-diagnosed individuals spent years masking their traits to fit societal expectations. This question can feel accusatory, as though their struggles weren’t valid simply because they weren’t identified earlier. Autism, especially in women and nonbinary individuals, has often been overlooked due to outdated stereotypes. It’s important to remember that the lack of a diagnosis doesn’t mean the experience wasn’t real — it just wasn’t recognised.
8. “What’s the point of getting diagnosed now?”
Source: Unsplash A diagnosis provides validation, self-understanding, and access to support. For many, it’s a turning point that allows them to approach life with a clearer sense of self. It’s never too late to understand and embrace your neurological identity. The process can also lead to better strategies for managing life’s challenges, helping people navigate situations that might have once felt overwhelming.
9. “But you’re so good at [specific skill].”
Source: Unsplash Being good at something doesn’t negate an autism diagnosis. In fact, hyperfocus and specialised interests are common traits of autism. It’s possible to be both talented in specific areas and face major challenges in others. People are more than their strengths, and assuming they don’t struggle just because they have a talent can make them feel misunderstood or overlooked.
10. “Isn’t autism something only kids have?”
Source: Unsplash Autistic children grow up to become autistic adults — it’s a lifelong neurodevelopmental difference. Late diagnosis doesn’t mean someone “developed” autism later in life; it means it went unrecognised for years. Autism doesn’t just “disappear” as people get older — it’s always a part of who they are, even if the signs were missed earlier on.
11. “You’re overthinking it.”
Source: Unsplash This dismisses the reality of someone’s experience. Autistic individuals often process information deeply and thoroughly — it’s not overthinking; it’s how their brains work. Suggesting otherwise can feel invalidating, especially when someone is trying to navigate a complex situation in a way that makes sense to them. It’s about understanding, not dismissing, how they approach the world.
12. “You’ve always seemed normal to me.”
Source: Unsplash While this might be intended as a compliment, it undermines the struggles that often went unnoticed. Masking behaviours to appear “normal” can be exhausting and unsustainable, and comments like this trivialise the effort it took. Just because someone is good at hiding their struggles doesn’t mean they don’t have them. Acknowledging that they’ve been pushing through a lot makes a huge difference in how they feel seen.
13. “Are you sure you’re not just anxious?”
Source: Unsplash Anxiety can be a co-occurring condition with autism, but they’re not interchangeable. Suggesting autism is “just anxiety” oversimplifies and misrepresents the diagnostic process. It’s important to respect the distinctions between different conditions. Autism involves more than just feelings of nervousness — it’s a unique way of experiencing and interacting with the world.
14. “You don’t need a label — you’re just you!”
Source: Unsplash While well-meaning, this phrase can come across as dismissive. A diagnosis isn’t just a “label” — it’s a framework for understanding oneself and accessing support. Being “just you” is great, but having clarity about being autistic can be life-changing. It allows people to finally understand why they may feel different and empowers them to embrace their true selves.
15. “Does this mean you’re a genius?”
Source: Unsplash While some autistic people excel in specific areas, the “genius” stereotype is misleading and reductive. It creates unrealistic expectations and ignores the diverse realities of life on the autism spectrum. Autism is about more than extraordinary talents — it’s about how someone experiences the world. For people diagnosed with autism later in life, these comments can be frustrating, even if they come from a place of curiosity or kindness.
