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UnsplashWhile there are legitimate things to be concerned about in relationships — infidelity, dishonesty, betrayal — there are plenty of things you probably fixate on or obsess over that are really NBD in the long run. However, the more you overanalyze them, the easier it becomes to create problems where they don’t actually exist. If you want to have a strong, happy, healthy relationship, stop stressing over these things.
1. Your partner’s past relationships
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Listen, everyone has a past. Your partner had a life before you, and that includes exes. Stop obsessing over the details of their previous relationships. It’s not healthy, and it won’t change anything. What matters is that they’re with you now. Focus on building a strong, trusting bond instead of getting caught up in jealousy or insecurity. If you can’t let go of the past, it’s going to poison your present. Trust that your partner chose you for a reason, and don’t let ghosts from their past haunt your relationship.
2. Petty disagreements
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Not every disagreement needs to be a full-blown argument. Sometimes, you just need to let the little things go. So what if they forgot to put the toilet seat down or left their socks on the floor? In the grand scheme of things, these minor annoyances don’t matter. Pick your battles wisely, and save your energy for the issues that actually impact your relationship. Learning to let go of petty grievances will make your relationship a lot more peaceful (and a lot less stressful). After all, you don’t want to kill your relationship prematurely, so avoid the Four Horsemen, The Gottman Institute advises.
3. Unrealistic expectations
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Hollywood movies and social media have given us some seriously unrealistic expectations about relationships. No, your partner isn’t going to read your mind or sweep you off your feet every day. Real love is a lot messier (and a lot more mundane) than what you see on the big screen. Stop holding your relationship to impossible standards, and learn to appreciate the beauty in the everyday. Focus on building a partnership based on trust, respect, and open communication – not some fairytale fantasy.
4. Occasional attraction to other people
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Just because you’re in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you’ll never find another person attractive. We’re all human, and it’s normal to notice and appreciate beauty in others. The key is not to act on those feelings or let them consume you. A passing thought or fleeting crush doesn’t mean you love your partner any less. What matters is that you’re choosing to be faithful and fully present in your relationship. Don’t beat yourself up over momentary attractions – just acknowledge them and let them go.
5. Different interests and hobbies
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You and your partner don’t have to share every single interest or spend all your free time together. In fact, having separate hobbies and passions can actually make your relationship stronger. It gives you something new to talk about and share with each other, and it helps you maintain your own identity outside of the relationship. Don’t stress about not being joined at the hip 24/7. Embrace your differences, and support each other’s individual pursuits. A little independence can go a long way in keeping the spark alive.
6. Their friendships with the opposite sex
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If you trust your partner, then trust their friendships too. Just because they have close friends of the opposite sex doesn’t mean they’re automatically a threat to your relationship. Platonic friendships are totally normal and healthy. If you’re constantly stressing about your partner’s interactions with other people, it’s going to put a strain on your bond. Focus on building trust and security within your own relationship, and don’t project your insecurities onto your partner’s friendships.
7. Their need for alone time
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Everyone needs alone time sometimes, even in the closest relationships. If your partner needs some space to recharge or pursue their own interests, don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean they love you any less. In fact, giving each other room to breathe can actually make your relationship stronger in the long run. Don’t stress about not being attached at the hip 24/7. Embrace your independence, and trust that your partner will come back to you refreshed and ready to connect.
8. Small changes in routine
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Life happens, and routines change. Maybe your partner started a new job with different hours, or maybe they’ve taken up a new hobby that takes up more of their time. Don’t stress about these small shifts in your daily rhythms. Embrace the opportunity to shake things up and find new ways to connect. Be flexible, and don’t get too attached to the way things “used to be.” Change can be scary, but it can also be an opportunity for growth and creativity in your relationship.
9. Their family’s opinions
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You can’t control what your partner’s family thinks of you, and you can’t force them to change their opinions. Stressing about it will only drive you crazy. Focus on being true to yourself and building a strong, healthy relationship with your partner. If their family has concerns or criticisms, address them directly and respectfully – but don’t let their opinions define your relationship. At the end of the day, what matters most is how you and your partner feel about each other.
10. Perfect date nights
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Don’t get so caught up in planning the “perfect” date night that you forget to actually enjoy your time together. Not every outing needs to be an elaborate, Instagram-worthy affair. Sometimes, the most memorable moments happen when you’re just hanging out at home in your sweatpants. Focus on being present with your partner and having fun together, no matter what you’re doing. Stop stressing about making every date night picture-perfect – the real magic happens in the everyday moments of connection.
11. Saying the wrong thing sometimes
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We all put our foot in our mouth sometimes. It’s inevitable in any long-term relationship. But don’t stress too much about occasionally saying the wrong thing or unintentionally hurting your partner’s feelings. The key is to own up to your mistakes, apologize sincerely, and make an effort to do better next time. Open, honest communication can go a long way in repairing any verbal missteps. Don’t let the fear of saying the wrong thing keep you from expressing yourself authentically.
12. Feeling attracted to your partner 24/7
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Real talk: you’re not going to feel head-over-heels in love with your partner every second of every day. Attraction ebbs and flows, and that’s totally normal. Don’t stress about not feeling butterflies 24/7. Instead, focus on nurturing the deeper, more sustainable forms of love and connection – like trust, respect, and emotional intimacy. Those are the things that will keep your relationship strong for the long haul, even when the initial spark fades.
13. Comparing your relationship to others
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Stop comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel. Every relationship is unique, with its own ups and downs. Just because your friends seem “perfect” on social media doesn’t mean they don’t have their own struggles and challenges. Focus on nurturing your own bond, and don’t get caught up in trying to measure up to some idealized standard. Your relationship is special and valuable in its own right – appreciate it for what it is, not what you think it “should” be, PsychCentral advises.
14. Being “boring” sometimes
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Newsflash: long-term relationships aren’t always exciting and adventurous. A lot of the time, they’re pretty mundane – and that’s okay. Don’t stress about being “boring” sometimes. Embrace the simple joys of everyday life together, like cooking dinner or binge-watching your favorite show. Those low-key moments of connection are just as important as the big, romantic gestures. Don’t put pressure on yourself to constantly be “on” or entertain each other. Just enjoy each other’s company, even in the quiet moments.
15. The future
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It’s natural to think about the future of your relationship, but don’t let those thoughts consume you. The truth is, none of us know what the future holds. All we can do is be fully present in the relationship we have right now. Stop stressing about whether you’ll get married, have kids, or grow old together. Focus on nurturing your bond in the present moment, and trust that the future will unfold as it’s meant to. Enjoy the journey of your relationship, and don’t get too caught up in the destination.
