Love can be confusing, and it’s easy to mistake toxic behaviours for the real deal. These unhealthy patterns can leave you feeling like crap and doubting yourself. But don’t worry, once you know how to spot these red flags, you can take back control and find relationships that actually make you happy.
1. Jealousy consumes them.
A sprinkle of jealousy might seem endearing, but when it becomes all-consuming, it’s a sign of trouble. Do they interrogate you about every interaction, monitor your phone, or constantly compare themselves to everyone else? This isn’t love; it’s insecurity and a need for control that can suffocate your spirit. Studies have shown multiple links between jealousy and abuse, so don’t dismiss this!
2. They isolate you from your loved ones.
Love should be inclusive, not exclusive. Does your partner discourage your relationships with friends and family, criticise them relentlessly, or try to monopolise your time? This isn’t a sign of devotion; it’s a tactic to manipulate and isolate you, making you more vulnerable to their influence.
3. They constantly criticise you.
Constructive feedback is healthy, but a constant barrage of criticism is not. Does your partner nitpick your appearance, demean your accomplishments, or make you feel inadequate? This isn’t “helping you grow”; it’s a way to undermine your confidence and make you dependent on their approval.
4. They disrespect your boundaries.
Love respects boundaries, both physical and emotional. Does your partner pressure you into doing things you’re not comfortable with, disregard your requests for space, or invalidate your feelings? This isn’t passionate love; it’s a blatant disregard for your autonomy and a power play that can erode your sense of self.
5. They gaslight you.
Gaslighting exists purely for manipulative purpose, with the perpetrator hoping to make you doubt yourself and your reality. Does your partner deny things they said or did, blame you for their behaviour, or make you feel like you’re overreacting or imagining things? This isn’t a “misunderstanding”; it’s a calculated tactic to control and confuse you.
6. They have a history of infidelity.
While people can change, a repeated pattern of cheating isn’t a sign of love, it’s a lack of respect and commitment. Do they dismiss their past indiscretions as “mistakes” or blame everyone else for their behaviour? This isn’t something you should have to overlook or forgive in the name of love.
7. They make you feel responsible for their happiness.
Love is a shared journey, not a burden. Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, constantly trying to please them, or afraid of upsetting them? This isn’t a sign of a deep connection; it’s emotional manipulation that can leave you feeling drained and resentful.
8. They use love as a weapon.
Love should never be used to manipulate or control you. Does your partner shower you with affection one moment, then withdraw it as punishment the next? Do they threaten to leave you if you don’t comply with their wishes? This isn’t love; it’s emotional blackmail that can trap you in a toxic cycle of hope and despair.
9. They belittle your achievements.
A loving partner celebrates your successes, not diminishes them. Do they downplay your accomplishments, compare you to other people in a negative way, or make you feel like your achievements are insignificant? This isn’t a sign of humility; it’s a way to keep you from outshining them and to maintain their own sense of superiority.
10. They blame you for their problems.
Love is about taking responsibility for your own actions, not shifting blame onto other people. Does your partner constantly blame you for their unhappiness, failures, or bad moods? This isn’t a sign of vulnerability; it’s a way to avoid accountability and to manipulate you into feeling guilty and responsible for their well-being.
11. They give backhanded compliments.
Genuine compliments uplift and empower; backhanded ones sting and confuse. Does your partner disguise insults as compliments, such as “You look great for your age” or “You’re so smart for someone who didn’t go to college”? This isn’t playful teasing; it’s a passive-aggressive way to undermine your confidence and make you question your worth.
12. They sabotage your efforts.
A loving partner supports your goals and dreams, not undermines them. Do they discourage your ambitions, create obstacles to your success, or belittle your efforts? This isn’t tough love; it’s a way to keep you from growing and becoming independent, thereby maintaining their control over you.
13. They constantly need reassurance.
While everyone needs a little reassurance occasionally, a constant need for validation can be draining. Does your partner constantly seek compliments, fish for compliments, or become insecure if you don’t shower them with praise? This isn’t a sign of low self-esteem; it’s a way to feed their ego and make you responsible for their emotional well-being.
14. They make you feel like you’re always wrong.
Healthy disagreements are normal in any relationship, but constantly feeling like you’re in the wrong is not. Does your partner always insist they’re right, refuse to see your perspective, or twist your words to make you look bad? This isn’t a sign of strong convictions; it’s a way to control the narrative and make you doubt yourself.
15. They make you feel like you’re not good enough.
Love should make you feel cherished and valued, not inadequate and insecure. Does your partner constantly compare you to other people, make you feel like you’re not attractive enough, smart enough, or successful enough? This isn’t motivation; it’s a way to keep you from recognising your own worth and seeking a healthier relationship.
