Even the strongest relationships can break down over time.
What’s sad is that the biggest damage doesn’t come from big arguments or betrayals, but from the little ways we talk (or don’t talk) to each other every day. It’s like a slow leak — you might not notice it at first, but eventually, it leaves your relationship feeling empty.
1. You dismiss your partner’s feelings.
It might start with a casual “You’re overreacting” or a dismissive wave of the hand, but when you consistently invalidate your partner’s emotions, you’re telling them that their experiences aren’t valid. This creates a wall of distrust and resentment, making it hard to actually resolve your problems.
2. You use passive-aggressive tactics.
Instead of directly addressing an issue, you resort to sarcasm, sulking, or giving the silent treatment. These behaviours might feel safer than open confrontation, but they’re poison to a relationship. Passive aggression breeds confusion and resentment, leaving both partners feeling unheard and unvalued.
3. You engage in “kitchen sinking.”
When an argument arises, you dredge up every past grievance, real or imagined. This tactic overwhelms the conversation and prevents any real progress towards resolution. It also creates a sense of hopelessness, as if every disagreement is doomed to devolve into a rehashing of old wounds.
4. You avoid tough conversations.
Sweeping problems under the rug might seem like the easy way out, but it’s a recipe for disaster. Unresolved issues fester and grow, creating a sense of unease and distance between partners. Avoiding conflict might feel comfortable in the short term, but it ultimately eats away at the foundation of trust and intimacy.
5. You engage in “gaslighting.”
This insidious tactic involves manipulating your partner into questioning their own sanity or reality. You might deny their experiences, twist their words, or blame them for your own actions. Gaslighting creates a toxic power dynamic and leaves the victim feeling confused, isolated, and powerless.
6. You use “stonewalling” as a defence mechanism.
When conflict arises, you shut down completely, refusing to engage or respond. This leaves your partner feeling abandoned and unheard. Stonewalling is a form of emotional withdrawal that can be incredibly damaging to a relationship, as it signals a lack of willingness to work through problems together.
7. You engage in “scorekeeping.”
You keep a mental tally of every perceived wrongdoing, ready to bring it up in future arguments. This creates a competitive atmosphere, where both partners are constantly trying to prove they’re the “better” one. Scorekeeping prevents forgiveness and encourages resentment, which makes it hard to move forward and build a healthy relationship.
8. You make threats or ultimatums.
Using threats or ultimatums to get your way creates a sense of fear and control in the relationship. It undermines trust and respect, making it impossible for your partner to feel safe and secure. These tactics can lead to resentment and a breakdown in communication, as your partner may feel forced to comply rather than engage in open dialogue.
9. You use contempt or mockery during disagreements.
Contempt, often expressed through sarcasm, eye-rolling, or belittling comments, is a particularly toxic communication style. It conveys disgust and disrespect, making your partner feel worthless and unloved. This type of behaviour can be incredibly hurtful and ultimately destroy the relationship.
10. You refuse to take responsibility for your actions.
Blaming your partner for your own mistakes or shortcomings prevents any real growth or change within the relationship. It creates a sense of injustice, as your partner feels unfairly burdened with the weight of your actions. Refusing to acknowledge your own role in conflicts can lead to a breakdown in trust and a feeling of disconnect.
11. You interrupt or talk over your partner.
Consistently interrupting or talking over your partner conveys a lack of respect and a disregard for their thoughts and feelings. It creates an environment where one person’s voice dominates, leaving the other feeling unheard and unimportant. This behaviour can lead to frustration and resentment, as your partner feels silenced and undervalued.
12. You bring up sensitive topics at inappropriate times.
Timing is crucial in communication. Bringing up sensitive or emotionally charged topics when your partner is stressed, tired, or preoccupied can lead to unproductive conversations and heightened conflict. It demonstrates a lack of consideration for their emotional state and can make them feel ambushed and overwhelmed.
13. You use generalisations and absolutes.
Phrases like “You always…” or “You never…” can be incredibly damaging to a relationship. They paint your partner in a negative light and make them feel constantly criticised and misunderstood. These generalisations often lead to defensiveness and counter-attacks, hindering any chance of productive communication.
14. You withhold affection or intimacy as a punishment.
Using affection or intimacy as a bargaining chip or withholding it as a form of punishment creates a power imbalance and can leave your partner feeling insecure and unloved.
15. You refuse to get help or compromise.
A willingness to work on the relationship and get help from a marriage counsellor or therapist when you really need it is vital for overcoming communication problems. Refusing to acknowledge the problem or resisting compromise can create a stalemate, leaving both partners feeling stuck and hopeless. This unwillingness to change can ultimately lead to the breakdown of the relationship.
