What we experience as kids has a way of sticking with us for the rest of our lives.
If we had a positive upbringing, chances are, we’re more likely to become well-rounded and happy adults. However, those who experienced emotional neglect may not realise until they’re much older the ways in which this affects who they are and how they live. If you’ve ever felt a lingering sense of emptiness or struggled to connect with your emotions, emotional neglect might have played a role in your upbringing. Here are some subtle signs that might be the case.
1. You don’t know how to express your feelings (or even figure out what they are half the time).
Growing up without emotional validation can make it hard to understand and articulate your feelings. You might find yourself unsure of how you feel in certain situations, or have trouble expressing your feelings to other people. This emotional disconnect can lead to feelings of isolation and less fulfilling relationships.
2. You have a persistent fear of being a burden.
If your emotional needs were dismissed or ignored as a child, you might have internalised the belief that you’re a burden. This can manifest as an intense fear of asking for help or support, even when you genuinely need it. You might try to handle everything on your own, even when it’s overwhelming, to avoid inconveniencing people.
3. You’re overly self-critical and have low self-esteem.
Emotional neglect can chip away at your self-worth over time. Without consistent validation and encouragement, you may develop a harsh inner critic that constantly puts you down. This can lead to low self-esteem, self-doubt, and a belief that you’re not good enough.
4. You feel a deep sense of loneliness, even when surrounded by people.
Even when you’re in a crowded room or surrounded by friends and family, you might still feel a profound sense of loneliness. This emotional isolation can stem from a lack of meaningful connection in childhood. You might long for genuine understanding and emotional intimacy, but struggle to find it.
5. You don’t trust anyone or let them get too close to you.
If your childhood taught you that your emotions weren’t important, you might have developed a deep-seated mistrust of most people. This makes it nearly impossible to open up, be vulnerable, and form close bonds. You might keep people at arm’s length or push them away when they get too close, fearing that they’ll eventually hurt or abandon you.
6. You numb your emotions with unhealthy coping mechanisms.
To cope with the pain of emotional neglect, you might have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms. This could include substance abuse, overeating, self-harm, or excessive work. These behaviours might provide temporary relief, but they ultimately hinder your ability to heal and address the underlying emotional wounds.
7. You crave approval and validation from people.
Growing up without emotional support can create a deep yearning for external validation. You might try to earn approval in all areas of your life, from your career to your relationships. This constant need for external validation can leave you feeling insecure and dependent on what other people think.
8. You feel like you don’t truly know yourself.
Emotional neglect can leave you feeling disconnected from your true self. You might struggle to identify your own needs, desires, and values. This lack of self-awareness can make it hard to make decisions, set boundaries, and live a life that feels authentic and fulfilling.
9. You can never seem to set healthy boundaries in relationships.
Growing up with emotional neglect can blur the lines of what’s acceptable in relationships. You might find yourself constantly giving more than you receive, or struggling to say no when you’re feeling overwhelmed. This lack of boundaries can lead to resentment, burnout, and feeling taken advantage of.
10. You’re terrified of abandonment and cling to relationships, even unhealthy ones.
The fear of abandonment can be a powerful force for those who experienced emotional neglect. You might cling to relationships, even those that aren’t healthy or fulfilling, out of fear of being alone. This fear can also lead to people-pleasing behaviours and a reluctance to assert your own needs.
11. You don’t trust your own judgment and rely on other people’s opinions too much.
Without the validation and guidance that comes with emotional support, you might doubt your own abilities and decision-making skills. This can lead to a reliance on other people’s opinions and a fear of making mistakes. You might constantly look for reassurance from other people or second-guess yourself, even in simple situations.
12. Managing stress and regulating your emotions are not your strong suits.
Emotional neglect can leave you feeling emotionally dysregulated and ill-equipped to handle stress. You might find it hard to calm down when upset or experience intense emotional outbursts. This lack of emotional regulation can make it challenging to navigate life’s ups and downs.
13. You have a tendency to isolate yourself and avoid social interaction.
The pain of emotional neglect can make you withdraw from social interactions. You might feel like you don’t belong or that people won’t understand your experiences. This isolation can further exacerbate feelings of loneliness and disconnect.
14. You feel like you’re constantly looking for something that’s missing in your life.
There can be a persistent sense of emptiness or longing that stems from emotional neglect. You might feel like you’re always searching for something to fill the void, whether it’s through relationships, achievements, or material possessions. This feeling of incompleteness can be a constant source of frustration and discontent.
15. You’re drawn to people who are emotionally unavailable or distant.
Sometimes, we recreate familiar patterns from our childhood in our adult relationships. If you experienced emotional neglect, you might find yourself attracted to partners who are emotionally unavailable or distant. This subconscious attraction can be a way of trying to heal old wounds or recreate a familiar dynamic, even if it’s ultimately unhealthy.
