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Getty Images/iStockphotoCheaters often try to cover their tracks with lies and excuses.
They’ll say anything to throw you off the scent and keep their infidelity hidden. Don’t fall for these deceptive tactics. Recognising these common phrases can help you spot a cheater and protect yourself from further heartbreak.
1. “I’m just working late again.”
This classic excuse is a red flag when it becomes a pattern. Suddenly, every night is a late one at the office. They’re mysteriously unavailable during normal work hours but claim to be swamped with projects. When you question the long hours, they get defensive or change the subject. Pay attention to whether their workload actually matches their claimed schedule, and trust your instincts if things don’t add up.
2. “You’re being paranoid.”
This manipulative tactic turns the tables on you, making you doubt your own perceptions. They dismiss your concerns as irrational and may even suggest you need help. By labelling you as paranoid, they deflect attention from their own suspicious behaviour. Remember, genuine trust doesn’t require gaslighting. If your partner consistently invalidates your feelings instead of addressing them, it’s a warning sign.
3. “They’re just a friend from work.”
Cheaters often downplay their relationships with affair partners, claiming they’re nothing more than colleagues or platonic friends. They may even introduce you to this person to seem transparent. However, pay attention to body language, inside jokes, or an unusual level of familiarity between them. If your partner becomes defensive when you ask questions about this “friend,” it could indicate they’re hiding something more.
4. “I need some space to figure things out.”
While everyone occasionally needs alone time, this excuse can be a cover for cheating. They might claim they’re going through a personal crisis or need to “find themselves.” In reality, they’re creating distance to pursue their affair. If your partner suddenly wants space but is vague about their reasons or timeline, be wary. Honest partners communicate their needs clearly and include you in their growth process.
5. “You’re imagining things.”
This gaslighting tactic aims to make you question your own reality. They’ll deny obvious signs of cheating, telling you that you’re seeing things that aren’t there. They might laugh off your concerns or act offended that you’d even suggest such a thing. Trust your instincts. If you’re noticing concrete changes in behaviour or finding evidence, don’t let them convince you it’s all in your head.
6. “I’m just not good at relationships.”
This self-deprecating excuse attempts to lower your expectations and justify their poor behaviour. They might claim they’ve always been bad at commitment or express fears about relationships. While it sounds like vulnerability, it’s often a way to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Don’t accept this as an explanation for cheating. Being “bad” at relationships doesn’t excuse betrayal.
7. “It’s not what it looks like.”
When caught in a compromising situation, cheaters often try to explain it away with unlikely scenarios. They’ll claim coincidences or misunderstandings, no matter how implausible. Remember, if it looks like cheating and feels like cheating, it probably is. Don’t let elaborate stories or emotional pleas cloud your judgment. Focus on the facts and trust your gut instinct.
8. “I’ve been unhappy for a long time.”
This excuse attempts to justify their cheating by blaming relationship problems. They might suddenly reveal long-standing dissatisfaction, even if they’ve never mentioned it before. While relationships do have ups and downs, genuine unhappiness is addressed through communication, not infidelity. If they’ve been so unhappy, why didn’t they speak up sooner? This retroactive unhappiness is often a convenient fiction to excuse their behaviour.
9. “It was just physical, it didn’t mean anything.”
Some cheaters try to minimise their affairs by claiming they were purely physical encounters with no emotional attachment. They might argue that it “doesn’t count” if there were no feelings involved. This excuse ignores the betrayal of trust inherent in any form of cheating. Whether emotional or physical, infidelity is a choice that disrespects your relationship. Don’t let them downplay the impact of their actions.
10. “I did it because I love you too much.”
This twisted logic attempts to paint cheating as an act of love. They might claim they strayed because their feelings for you were so intense, they got scared and self-sabotaged. Or they might say the affair made them realise how much they truly love you. This manipulative tactic tries to reframe their betrayal as a positive thing. Remember, real love involves respect and commitment, not excuses for hurtful behaviour.
11. “It’ll never happen again.”
Source: Unsplash This promise is often made in the heat of the moment when a cheater is caught. They’ll swear it was a one-time mistake and beg for another chance. While people can change, be cautious about accepting this at face value. Without addressing the root causes of the infidelity and making significant changes, this promise is empty. True change requires action, not just words.
12. “I was drunk and made a mistake.”
Source: Unsplash Alcohol is a common scapegoat for cheaters. They’ll claim they were too intoxicated to know what they were doing or to resist temptation. While alcohol can impair judgment, it doesn’t force anyone to cheat. This excuse avoids taking full responsibility for their actions. A committed partner makes choices that protect the relationship, even when drinking.
13. “You’ve been distant lately.”
This excuse shifts blame onto you, suggesting that your behaviour drove them to cheat. They might claim they felt neglected or unloved, so they sought attention elsewhere. This ignores the fact that cheating is a choice, not an inevitable result of relationship problems. If they felt disconnected, the mature response would have been to communicate with you, not betray your trust.
14. “I was going through a tough time.”
Life challenges like job loss, family issues, or health problems might be used to explain away infidelity. They’ll claim they weren’t thinking clearly due to stress or emotional turmoil. While difficult times can strain a relationship, they don’t justify cheating. A committed partner turns to their significant other for support during tough times, not to an affair.
15. “You’re overreacting.”
This dismissive statement attempts to invalidate your feelings about their betrayal. They might say you’re making a big deal out of nothing, or that you need to “get over it” quickly. This shows a lack of empathy and understanding for the pain they’ve caused. Your feelings are valid, and processing infidelity takes time. Don’t let them rush your healing or minimise the impact of their actions.
