Your friends are supposed to be people you can count on to be there for you through thick and thin, but not all of them are true blue.
While you don’t have to be super close to have a solid friendship, you should at least be able to rely on them to have your best interests at heart and to add to your life rather than making it more stressful or miserable than it needs to be. No matter how long you’ve known one another or how much loyalty you have for them, here are some signs they’re actually kind of toxic and not very good for you.
1. They’re never really happy when good things happen to you.
When you share good news, they either change the subject or find ways to brush it off as no big deal. Not only that, but they’re always pointing out the potential downsides of your promotion at work, the new person you’ve started dating, etc. It’s like they can’t bring themselves to be positive about your good news, and it really sucks. Watch how they react to your wins — real friends light up at your success, toxic ones try to dim your shine. Most telling is how they’ll share your “good news” with other people — they’ll usually twist it into something that sounds less impressive.
2. Everything’s a competition with them.
Source: Unsplash Your story about a rough day turns into their story about an even worse one. If you’re tired, they’re exhausted. If you’re busy, they’re swamped. They can’t let you have a moment, even when you’re struggling. Every conversation becomes an Olympic event where they must take gold in the suffering games. Even your random mentions of other people’s achievements get turned into a story about their superior accomplishments. Insecurity, much?
3. They disappear during tough times.
When you’re going through a tough time in life, they’re suddenly too busy to respond to your texts. These friends are there for the good times but vanish when you actually need support. Notice who shows up when you’re struggling — genuine friends stick around for both sunshine and storms. You’ll spot them lurking on social media, though, liking and commenting on everyone else’s posts and having a grand old time… all while ignoring you.
4. They “borrow” constantly.
Source: Unsplash From money to belongings, they’re always asking but rarely returning. These friends treat your possessions as communal property while being protective of their own. The borrowing is one-sided, and they often conveniently forget what they owe, creating a pattern of taking without giving. Watch how quickly they remember their own loans, though, down to the last penny.
5. They leak your secrets.
Information you share in confidence somehow becomes common knowledge. When confronted, they’ll claim they “only told one person” or “didn’t know it was a secret.” These friends treat your private life as gossip material, showing no respect for your boundaries or trust. The real pattern emerges when you notice they only share the stories that make you look bad.
6. They make backhanded compliments.
Their praise always comes with a sting in the tail. “You look great — have you lost weight?” or “Your new job sounds perfect for your skill level.” These subtle digs are designed to keep you feeling slightly insecure while maintaining plausible deniability about their intentions. You’ll notice they save their genuine compliments for when they need something from you.
7. They’re only available on their terms.
When they need something, you’re expected to drop everything. When you need them, they’re mysteriously busy. The friendship operates on their schedule, their location, and their preferences. Your convenience or needs rarely factor into the equation. Pay attention to how quickly their calendar clears when they want something from you.
8. They plant seeds of doubt.
They question your decisions, relationships, and capabilities in ways that seem caring but leave you feeling uncertain. These friends have a way of making you second-guess yourself while positioning themselves as the voice of reason. Your confidence shrinks while their influence grows. The most damaging part is how they present their doubts as concern for your wellbeing.
9. They take credit for your ideas.
Whether at work or in social situations, they have a habit of presenting your thoughts as their own. When called out, they’ll claim they were “just trying to help” or that you “mentioned it together.” These friends build themselves up by stealing your spotlight. Watch how they retell stories of shared experiences, gradually editing you out of the narrative.
10. They create drama triangles.
They’ll tell you what other people supposedly said about you, stirring up drama, then stepping back to watch. These friends thrive on creating tension between people, often playing both sides while pretending to be the peacemaker. They feed on the chaos they create. Notice how they always seem to be at the centre of every group conflict, yet never directly involved.
11. They weaponise past mistakes.
They bring up your old errors during unrelated arguments, using your history as ammunition. These friends keep a mental catalogue of your failures, ready to deploy them when you disagree. Your past becomes a prison they hold the key to. Meanwhile, their own mistakes are ancient history that shouldn’t be mentioned.
12. They guilt-trip expertly.
Any boundary you set is met with emotional manipulation. They’ll remind you of past favours or make you feel selfish for having limits. These friends turn your need for healthy space into proof that you’re a bad friend, making you question your own judgement. The real skill shows in how they make their demands seem like opportunities they’re offering you.
13. They’re selective with the truth.
You catch them in small lies or notice their stories don’t quite add up. These friends twist facts to suit their narrative, leaving you questioning what’s real. The constant need to fact-check their claims becomes exhausting. What’s most concerning is how their stories change depending on who’s listening.
14. They dismiss your feelings.
When you express hurt or discomfort, they tell you you’re being too sensitive. These friends gaslight your emotions, making you feel wrong for having perfectly normal reactions. Your feelings become invalid, while theirs are always justified. The double standard becomes clear when they expect extensive support for their own emotional needs.
15. They make you feel drained.
After spending time with them, you feel emotionally exhausted. These friends leave you feeling worse about yourself, your life, or your choices. The energy drain isn’t just temporary — it’s a consistent after-effect of their presence in your life. You might not be able to pinpoint exactly what they said or did, but you know you feel lighter when they’re not around.
