By your 30s, 40s, and beyond, you’d think you’d be a professional at picking good partners.
Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. We’re only human, after all, and sometimes we develop feelings for people who really aren’t right for us, no matter how much we want them to be. Here are some signs the person you’re seeing isn’t necessarily the best option for you.
1. You’re always watching what you say.
If you’re constantly worried about upsetting your partner, that’s not good. You should feel comfortable being yourself. When you’re always on edge, it’s exhausting. You shouldn’t have to think twice about everything you say or do.
2. Your mates don’t like them.
Your friends know you well. If they’re not keen on your partner, it’s worth listening. They might be seeing things you’re missing. Don’t ignore their concerns — hey could be spotting red flags you’ve overlooked.
3. You want different things in life.
It’s fine to have some differences, but big life goals need to align. If you’re dreaming of kids and they’re not, or you want to travel while they want to settle down, you’re heading for trouble. These big differences don’t usually sort themselves out.
4. You’re pretending to be someone else.
If you’re changing who you are to please your partner, that’s a problem. You shouldn’t have to fake interests or hide parts of yourself. It’s tiring and unfair. You deserve someone who likes the real you.
5. They don’t back your dreams.
Your partner should be in your corner. If they laugh at your goals or try to hold you back, that’s not on. You need someone who cheers you on, not someone who makes you feel small for having ambitions.
6. You’re always the one giving in.
Relationships need give and take. If you’re always the one compromising, that’s not fair. It shouldn’t feel like you’re constantly sacrificing what you want. Both of you should be making an effort.
7. You can’t count on them.
Trust is crucial. If your partner often lets you down or lies to you, that’s a big issue. You need someone you can rely on, not someone who keeps disappointing you.
8. You’re not growing as a person.
A good relationship should help you become better. If you feel stuck, your partner might not be challenging you in the right ways. They should encourage you to grow, not keep you in your comfort zone.
9. Your gut says something’s wrong.
Don’t ignore your instincts. If you’ve got a nagging feeling that things aren’t right, pay attention. Our gut often picks up on things our brain misses. If you can’t shake the feeling that this person isn’t right for you, listen to that.
10. You’re not on the same page about intimacy.
Physical and emotional closeness are important. If you and your partner want different things in this area, it can cause problems. This isn’t just about sex, but also how you show affection and share feelings. Big differences here can cause a lot of stress.
11. You don’t like who you are with them.
If you’re turning into someone you don’t like when you’re with your partner, that’s not good. Maybe you’re more grumpy or insecure than usual. A good partner should bring out your best side, not your worst.
12. You’re always making excuses for them.
If you’re constantly explaining away your partner’s behaviour, something’s off. “They’re just tired” or “They didn’t mean it like that” shouldn’t be your go-to phrases. If you’re always defending them, ask yourself why.
13. You don’t feel safe opening up.
You should feel okay sharing your thoughts and worries with your partner. If you’re holding back because you’re worried about how they’ll react, that’s not great. You need to feel safe being open and honest.
14. You’re unhappy most of the time.
No relationship is perfect, but the good should outweigh the bad. If you’re often feeling down or stressed when you’re with your partner or thinking about them, that’s a bad sign. Relationships should mostly make you feel good, not miserable.
15. You’re staying for the wrong reasons.
Sometimes we stay in relationships because we’re scared of being alone, or we think we can’t do better. If you’re honest with yourself, you might realise you’re hanging on for reasons that aren’t about love. You deserve to be with someone because you want to be, not because you feel you have to be.
