If someone’s actions have left you feeling wounded, figuring out if they genuinely feel remorse can be confusing.
While people express guilt differently, some signs are pretty telltale. Here are some common indicators that might suggest someone is wrestling with guilt over hurting you.
1. They over-apologise.
We’ve all messed up and offered a sincere “I’m sorry” from time to time. But someone who feels incredibly guilty might apologise excessively. They might apologise for things that aren’t even their fault or keep bringing up the past hurt repeatedly. This constant apologising is their way of trying to make amends and asking for your forgiveness.
2. They go out of their way to be extra nice.
Guilt can manifest in some unexpected ways, and one of those is through extreme acts of kindness. The person who hurt you might shower you with gifts, favours, or compliments. They might even anticipate your needs before you express them. While this behaviour can be sweet, it might also be their way of overcompensating for their past actions.
3. They avoid eye contact.
Eyes can be a powerful window into someone’s emotions. If the person who hurt you consistently avoids meeting your gaze, it could indicate they’re feeling ashamed or uncomfortable about their actions. They might feel too guilty to look you in the eye and face the pain they’ve caused.
4. They become overly defensive.
Sometimes, guilt can trigger a defensive reaction. If you try to talk about what happened, they might quickly get defensive, deny any wrongdoing, or even turn the blame on you. This defensiveness stems from their internal conflict and discomfort with acknowledging their role in hurting you.
5. Their body language gives them away.
Even if someone tries to hide their guilt, their body language might betray them. They might fidget nervously, avoid physical touch, or have tense shoulders. These subtle cues can be revealing, suggesting they’re struggling with their emotions and the weight of their actions.
6. They make excuses or justify their behaviour.
Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, a guilty person might resort to making excuses or rationalising their behaviour. They might downplay the impact of their actions or try to convince you (and themselves) that what they did wasn’t that bad. These justifications are a way to alleviate their guilt and avoid facing the consequences of their choices.
7. They seem distant or withdrawn.
Guilt can create a barrier between people. The person who hurt you might start to withdraw from you emotionally or physically. They might seem less engaged in conversations, cancel plans, or generally appear distant. This withdrawal is their way of coping with their internal turmoil and avoiding further conflict or pain.
8. They want reassurance from you.
When someone feels guilty, they often crave validation and reassurance from the person they hurt. They might frequently ask if you’re still upset, fish for compliments, or fish for positive feedback. This need for reassurance stems from their desire to mend the relationship and regain your trust.
9. They try to make amends.
Genuine remorse often leads to a desire to make things right. Someone who feels guilty for hurting you might take concrete steps to repair the damage they’ve caused. This could involve changing their behaviour, making a sincere effort to understand your perspective, or actively working to rebuild trust. These actions show a willingness to acknowledge their mistakes and take responsibility for their role in the situation.
10. They express remorse verbally.
While actions speak louder than words, a truly remorseful person will likely express their regret verbally as well. They might tell you how sorry they are, acknowledge the pain they’ve caused, and genuinely try to understand how their actions affected you. This open communication demonstrates a willingness to face the consequences of their choices and seek reconciliation.
11. They’re willing to listen to you.
Guilt can make people want to avoid difficult conversations. However, someone who genuinely feels remorse will be willing to listen to you talk about how their actions hurt you. They’ll actively listen to your perspective, validate your feelings, and try to understand the impact of their behaviour. This shows a genuine desire to learn from their mistakes and make amends.
12. They show empathy and understanding.
A guilty person will try to put themselves in your shoes and understand how their actions made you feel. They’ll express empathy for your pain and show a genuine desire to make things right. This empathy is a key indicator of remorse and a willingness to take responsibility for their actions.
13. They accept consequences without complaint.
When someone is truly sorry for their actions, they’ll accept any consequences that come their way without complaint. They understand that their behaviour had repercussions and are willing to face them head-on. This acceptance of responsibility shows a level of maturity and remorse that can be reassuring.
14. They don’t repeat the same hurtful behaviour.
One of the most telling signs of genuine remorse is a change in behaviour. If someone is truly sorry for hurting you, they’ll make a conscious effort not to repeat the same mistakes. They’ll learn from their past actions and strive to treat you with respect and kindness. This change in behaviour demonstrates a commitment to growth and a desire to rebuild trust.
15. Their apologies feel sincere and heartfelt.
A genuine apology goes beyond a simple “I’m sorry.” It’s a heartfelt expression of remorse that acknowledges the pain caused and takes responsibility for the actions that led to it. A sincere apology will feel genuine and authentic, leaving you with a sense that the person truly understands the impact of their behaviour and is committed to making amends.
