We all know the classic signs of narcissism – the arrogance, the need for admiration, the lack of empathy.
But there’s a whole other side to this personality disorder that often goes unnoticed. These are the subtle, under-the-radar habits that narcissists exhibit, making them difficult to spot and even harder to deal with. Here are some of the more unusual tendencies you might not have been aware of.
1. They’re overly concerned with their image.
Narcissists aren’t just vain; they’re obsessed with maintaining a perfect image. They carefully curate their online presence, meticulously choose their clothes, and constantly seek validation for their appearance. They may even go to extreme lengths to hide their flaws and insecurities, projecting an image of perfection that’s often far from reality.
2. They have an insatiable need for control.
Narcissists crave control in every aspect of their lives, from their relationships to their work to their social circles. They manipulate situations to maintain power, often using guilt, shame, or fear to get what they want. This need for control can manifest in subtle ways, like always needing to have the last word or insisting on making all the decisions.
3. They project their flaws instead of taking ownership.
Narcissists are experts at projecting their own flaws and insecurities onto anyone and everyone else. If they’re feeling insecure about their own intelligence, they might accuse other people of being stupid. If they’re harbouring jealousy, they might accuse their partner of cheating. This projection is a defence mechanism that allows them to avoid facing their own shortcomings.
4. They’re prone to “narcissistic rage.”
While not all narcissists are violent, narcissists tend to go through intense outbursts of anger, known as narcissistic rage. This can be triggered by seemingly minor events, like being criticised or challenged. These rages can be terrifying and destructive, often leaving lasting damage in their wake.
5. They lack object constancy.
Object constancy is the ability to maintain a positive emotional bond with someone even when you’re upset with them. Narcissists lack this ability, which means their relationships are often tumultuous and unstable. They can quickly shift from loving and adoring to hateful and devaluing, leaving their partners feeling confused and insecure.
6. They have a distorted sense of entitlement.
Narcissists believe they’re special and deserve special treatment. They feel entitled to admiration, success, and happiness, regardless of their actual accomplishments or efforts. This sense of entitlement can lead them to exploit people, take advantage of opportunities, and disregard rules or social norms.
7. They’re unrepentant manipulators.
Narcissists are skilled manipulators, using charm, flattery, and guilt to get what they want. They can be incredibly persuasive and convincing, making it difficult to resist their demands or see through their lies. They often exploit people’s vulnerabilities and weaknesses to further their own agenda.
8. They have an uncanny ability to charm and seduce.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists can be incredibly charming and charismatic, especially in the early stages of a relationship. They often shower their partners with attention, affection, and gifts, creating a whirlwind romance that can be intoxicating. However, this charm is often a facade, a tactic used to lure people in and gain their trust.
9. They’re experts at playing the victim.
Source: Unsplash When things don’t go their way or they face criticism, narcissists often resort to playing the victim. They portray themselves as misunderstood, mistreated, or unfairly targeted. This allows them to deflect blame, garner sympathy, and manipulate people into feeling sorry for them or coming to their defence.
10. They have a fragile ego that can’t handle criticism.
Source: Unsplash Despite their outward confidence and bravado, narcissists have incredibly fragile egos. They crave constant admiration and validation, and any criticism, no matter how constructive, can trigger a defensive or even aggressive response. They might lash out, belittle the person offering the criticism, or withdraw completely.
11. They have difficulty maintaining long-term friendships.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists often struggle to form and maintain meaningful friendships. Their self-centredness, need for control, and lack of empathy can make it difficult for them to connect with people on a deeper level. They might view friendships as transactional, valuing people only for what they can offer them.
12. They’re obsessed with status and material possessions.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists often equate their self-worth with their social status and material possessions. They strive for outward signs of success, like expensive cars, designer clothes, and luxury homes. This obsession with status can lead them to make impulsive purchases, engage in competitive behaviour, and prioritise material wealth over personal relationships.
13. They’re prone to “splitting” people into all good or all bad categories.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists have difficulty seeing people in nuanced ways. They tend to idealise people who admire them and devalue those who criticise or challenge them. This black-and-white thinking can lead to volatile relationships and an inability to maintain stable connections with other people.
14. They often have a hidden sense of shame and inadequacy.
Source: Unsplash Beneath their confident exterior, narcissists often harbour a deep sense of shame and inadequacy. Their grandiosity and need for admiration are often a defence mechanism to mask these underlying feelings. This is why criticism can be so triggering for them, as it threatens to expose their vulnerabilities.
15. They lack genuine empathy and remorse.
Source: Unsplash While narcissists can appear charming and compassionate, they often lack genuine empathy for other people. They struggle to understand or relate to other people’s feelings, and they rarely feel remorse for their actions. This lack of empathy can make them hurtful and manipulative in their relationships.
