Narcissists are often careful about how they present themselves in public, but their phone habits can reveal a lot about who they really are.
Whether it’s how they text, how they treat people online, or how much control they need over their phone, their behaviour often gives away their true personality. While everyone has different ways of using their phone, certain patterns can be a sign of a much deeper problem. These phone habits can definitely expose a narcissist, and while, in isolation, they’re not definitive signs of a clinical condition, they’re certain pretty problematic.
1. They expect instant replies but take their time responding.
A narcissist doesn’t see communication as a two-way street—it’s about their needs first. They’ll message you and expect an immediate response, but when the roles are reversed, they suddenly become “too busy” or “forgot to reply.” It’s not just inconsiderate; it’s a way of keeping control.
They want to feel important, and nothing makes them feel more powerful than knowing you’re waiting for them. If you call them out on it, they’ll likely flip the blame back onto you, making it seem like you’re the one being unreasonable.
2. They use their phone to control the narrative.
Narcissists are masters of manipulating situations, and their phone is often their biggest tool. Whether it’s rewriting events in messages, exaggerating their side of a story, or completely ghosting someone to make a point, they know how to twist things in their favour.
If they ever show you messages as “proof” of something, there’s a good chance they’ve deleted or altered parts of the conversation to make themselves look better. They don’t just use their phone to communicate; they use it to control how they’re perceived.
3. They keep their phone locked down like a government secret.
Most people value privacy, but a narcissist takes it to another level. They might be glued to their phone, but if you so much as glance at the screen, they’ll react like you’ve invaded their personal space. They keep their phone on them at all times, face-down, or with notifications hidden.
It’s not just about privacy; it’s about secrecy. Whether they’re hiding messages, double lives, or things they don’t want questioned, their phone is usually the one place where their mask can slip.
4. They use social media to create a carefully crafted image.
Narcissists thrive on attention, and their social media is usually curated to make them look more impressive than they really are. They’ll post selectively, exaggerate their achievements, and share only the most flattering moments. It’s less about sharing their life and more about controlling how other people see them.
If someone dares to challenge their version of reality by calling them out or simply not giving them the admiration they expect, they might respond with passive-aggressive posts, deleting comments, or even blocking people to maintain their illusion.
5. They love the attention that comes from ignoring you.
One of a narcissist’s favourite games is giving someone the silent treatment. They know that by not replying, they’re keeping you on edge, wondering what you did wrong or when they’ll finally decide to acknowledge you again.
It’s a form of control. They want you to chase them, to feel unsettled, and to keep checking your phone. And once they finally respond, it’s usually with an attitude that makes it seem like you were the one being unreasonable for expecting basic communication.
6. They’re always “too busy” when it’s convenient for them.
If you try to reach them when they don’t feel like engaging, they’ll claim they’re swamped with work, stuck in an emergency, or just too exhausted to talk. But somehow, they always have time to be on social media, message other people, or post selfies.
The reality is, they’re only too busy when it benefits them. If they don’t feel like talking, you’ll be left on read. But the moment they want something, they’ll expect you to drop everything and respond immediately.
7. They use their phone to keep track of people.
Source: Unsplash Many narcissists are obsessed with control, and their phone allows them to monitor and track those around them. They might ask for constant check-ins, expect you to share your location, or demand proof of where you are and who you’re with.
It’s not about care, it’s about control. If they feel like they don’t have complete access to your life, they’ll find ways to make you feel guilty for it.
8. They love creating drama through texts.
Source: Unsplash In-person conflicts take effort, but text messages? That’s where a narcissist thrives. They can say whatever they want, manipulate the conversation, and escalate situations without having to face any real consequences.
They often send long, emotional texts that flip situations onto you, guilt-trip you, or make themselves the victim. And if you try to defend yourself? They’ll conveniently ignore the parts of your response that don’t fit their version of events.
9. They refuse to be held accountable for things they say.
Source: Unsplash A narcissist will say something hurtful over text, but if you bring it up later, they’ll claim they never said it, that you misunderstood, or that you’re being “too sensitive.” They rely on confusion to get away with bad behaviour.
Even if you have proof, they’ll twist it around, accuse you of overreacting, or act like they were joking. Their goal is to make you doubt your own memory rather than take responsibility for their words.
10. They’re obsessed with being the centre of attention in group chats.
Source: Unsplash In a group chat, a narcissist will often dominate the conversation, make everything about them, or get annoyed if they’re not getting enough attention. They might send unnecessary updates about their life, humblebrag constantly, or stir up drama just to keep the focus on themselves.
If the group ignores them for too long, they might even leave the chat in a dramatic exit, only to return once they think people miss them.
11. They use their phone as an escape from real responsibility.
Source: Unsplash If a narcissist doesn’t want to deal with something tough — whether it’s a serious conversation, a mistake they made, or an emotional issue — they’ll disappear into their phone. Scrolling endlessly, watching videos, or messaging other people becomes their way of avoiding anything they don’t want to face.
They’ll claim they’re “just relaxing,” but in reality, they’re ignoring things that need to be addressed. And if you try to talk to them about it? They’ll say you’re overreacting.
12. They always have an excuse for suspicious behaviour.
Source: Unsplash If you notice something shady — deleted messages, secretive texting, or strange notifications — a narcissist will always have a quick excuse. They’ll act offended that you even questioned them, flipping the situation so that you feel guilty for bringing it up.
Instead of reassuring you, they’ll make you feel paranoid, causing you to doubt your instincts rather than question their behaviour.
13. They use their phone to spread rumours or talk behind people’s backs.
Source: Unsplash A narcissist loves gossip, and their phone is the perfect tool for stirring up drama without getting directly involved. They might send messages planting doubts about someone, screenshot private conversations, or share things out of context to make someone look bad.
They enjoy being at the centre of chaos while making it seem like they’re just an innocent observer.
14. They always have their phone on silent when they don’t want to be reached.
Source: Unsplash When they’re ignoring someone or avoiding a conversation, their phone is suddenly “on silent” or “didn’t get the notification.” But when they want something, their messages are instant.
It’s another way of controlling when and how they engage, keeping people on edge while making themselves unavailable whenever it suits them.
15. They never seem fully present when you’re with them.
Even when a narcissist is physically with you, their mind is often somewhere else—usually on their phone. They’ll check notifications mid-conversation, scroll through social media while barely listening, and make you feel like you’re competing for their attention.
It’s a subtle but clear sign that their focus is always on themselves first, and everyone else is just background noise.
