Social skills really are in short supply these days.
Between a multi-year pandemic that put a stop to actually spending time with people for ages, and the fact that a good portion of our daily interactions happen virtually anyway, it’s no wonder we don’t know how to simply be around people. If this is something you struggle with, you’re definitely not alone. Here’s how to brush up on your social skills and be a bit more likeable.
1. Be quiet and listen to what people are saying.
Really pay attention when someone’s talking to you — don’t just wait for your chance to cut in. Show you’re engaged by nodding, keeping eye contact, and asking relevant questions. Doing so makes people feel valued and understood, which is key to building good relationships.
2. Work on your body language.
Your non-verbal cues speak volumes. Stand or sit up straight, uncross your arms, and face the person you’re talking to. An open, relaxed posture makes you appear more approachable and confident. Remember to smile — it will put people eat ease around you.
3. Care about other people and what makes them tick.
Ask people questions about themselves and their interests. Everyone likes talking about themselves, and showing curiosity about people makes you more likeable. Just be sure your interest is sincere — people can usually tell when you’re faking it.
4. Be mindful of your tone of voice.
It’s not just what you say, but how you say it. A warm, friendly tone can make even mundane conversations more pleasant. Be aware of your volume too — speaking too loudly can be off-putting, while speaking too softly might make you seem unsure of yourself.
5. Develop your sense of humour.
Being able to laugh at yourself and see the funny side of situations makes you more fun to be around. There’s too much doom and gloom in life, so being able to let loose and just crack up over absolutely nothing is the best. Just make sure your “jokes” don’t veer into the territory of belittling or demeaning anyone else.
6. Be more empathetic.
Try to see things from other people’s perspectives. This doesn’t mean you always have to agree, but understanding where someone’s coming from can help you respond more compassionately and avoid unnecessary drama. We’re all just human beings doing our best, after all.
7. Learn to give and receive compliments gracefully.
Genuine compliments make people feel good. Learn to give them sincerely and often, and try to pick up on specifics rather than parroting out general, impersonal praise. Equally important is accepting compliments graciously — a simple “thank you” is better than deflecting or denying what they’re saying.
8. Be reliable and keep your word.
If you say you’ll do something, do it. Being dependable builds trust and respect. If you can’t follow through on a commitment, communicate that as soon as possible and apologise. However, make sure you don’t commit to things you know you won’t follow through on in the first place!
9. Mind your manners.
Basic courtesy goes a long way. Say please and thank you, hold doors open for people, and be polite to service staff. These small gestures show consideration for other people and make you more pleasant to be around.
10. Learn to read social cues.
Pay attention to the subtle signals people give off. If someone’s looking at their watch or phone, they might be ready to end the conversation. It might take a bit of time to really get good at this, but picking up on these cues is vital for less awkward social situations.
11. Be open-minded.
Try to approach new ideas and experiences with curiosity rather than judgement. Being open-minded makes you more interesting and easier to talk to, and it helps people feel more at ease knowing that they’ll be accepted as they are. Plus, it helps you learn and grow from your conversations with people.
12. Keep on top of your personal hygiene.
It might seem basic, but being clean and well-groomed makes a big difference in how people perceive you. Good hygiene shows self-respect and consideration for people, so make sure you shower and wash yourself, brush your teeth, comb your hair, and generally look after yourself.
13. Learn to apologise sincerely.
Everyone makes mistakes, and learning to own up to yours and apologise genuinely when you’re wrong shows maturity and builds respect. A sincere apology can go a long way in maintaining good relationships.
14. Develop your emotional intelligence.
Work on recognising and managing your own emotions, as well as understanding other people’s. Doing so helps you respond more appropriately in various social situations and builds stronger, more meaningful connections.
15. Be present in conversations.
These days, it’s far too easy to be distracted by phones or other devices. When you’re talking to someone, give them your full attention. Put your phone away and focus on the conversation. This shows respect and helps build deeper connections.
