Sometimes being nice to yourself feels really awkward.
The idea of repeating positive affirmations in the mirror or treating yourself with kindness shouldn’t be cringeworthy, but for many of us, it is. However, it’s important to be good to yourself — so here are a few ways to do it without feeling mortified.
1. Talk to yourself like you’re chatting to a mate.
Imagine your best friend just messed up at work. You wouldn’t tear them to shreds, would you? Try giving yourself the same kind of pep talk you’d give them. Keep it real, but supportive. “Yeah, that wasn’t great, but it’s not the end of the world. You’ll sort it out.”
2. Acknowledge when things are tough without dwelling on it.
Sometimes, just admitting that something is difficult can be freeing. You don’t have to pretend everything’s sunshine and rainbows. A simple “This is really hard right now, and that’s okay” can work wonders. It’s not about fixing it, just acknowledging it.
3. Use your name when you’re talking to yourself.
It might sound odd, but using your name can create a bit of distance from negative thoughts. Instead of “I’m such an idiot,” try “[Your name], that wasn’t your smartest move, but you’ll do better next time.” It’s like you’re giving yourself advice as a friend would.
4. Focus on what you’re learning, not what you’re lacking.
Instead of beating yourself up about what you don’t know, try to reframe it as a learning opportunity. “I don’t know how to do this yet, but I’m figuring it out” feels a lot better than “I’m rubbish at this.” It’s not about being perfect, it’s about making progress.
5. Give yourself permission to be human.
Newsflash: you’re not a robot. It’s okay to make mistakes, have off days, or not be on top form all the time. Try telling yourself, “I’m allowed to be a bit rubbish sometimes. It doesn’t define me.” It’s liberating to cut yourself some slack.
6. Challenge your inner critic with facts.
When that nasty inner voice pipes up, challenge it with evidence. If you’re thinking “I always mess things up,” ask yourself, “Is that really true? What about that time when…?” It’s not about positive thinking, it’s about accurate thinking.
7. Appreciate your body for what it does, not how it looks.
Instead of critiquing your appearance, try thanking your body for what it enables you to do. “Cheers, legs, for getting me through that walk” or “Nice one, hands, for typing that report.” It might feel a bit daft at first, but it’s a refreshing change from the usual body talk.
8. Celebrate small wins without downplaying them.
Source: Unsplash Did you finally make that phone call you’ve been putting off? Good on you! It’s okay to pat yourself on the back for the little things. Try a simple “Nice one, me” or “Well, that’s sorted then.” No need for a parade, just a nod to your accomplishment.
9. Use humour to diffuse negative self-talk.
Sometimes, laughing at yourself (in a kind way) can take the sting out of mistakes or awkward moments. If you’ve just embarrassed yourself, try something like, “Well, that’s tomorrow’s funny story sorted.” It acknowledges the oops moment without beating yourself up.
10. Practice saying “no” without guilt.
Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person. Try telling yourself, “It’s okay to put my own needs first sometimes.” You don’t have to justify it or apologise. A simple “No, that doesn’t work for me” is enough.
11. Remind yourself that feelings aren’t facts.
When you’re feeling rubbish, it’s easy to think it’ll last forever. Try telling yourself, “This feeling will pass. It always does.” It’s not about ignoring your emotions, just remembering that they’re temporary visitors, not permanent residents.
12. Use “and” instead of “but” when acknowledging mistakes.
Instead of “I messed up, but I’ll do better next time,” try “I messed up, and I’ll do better next time.” It’s a subtle shift, but it acknowledges both the mistake and the potential for improvement without cancelling either out.
13. Give yourself credit for effort, not just results.
You can’t always control the outcome, but you can control the effort you put in. Try telling yourself, “I gave that my best shot” or “I’m proud of the work I put into that.” It’s about valuing the process, not just the end result.
14. Use “I get to” instead of “I have to” when talking about tasks.
Source: Unsplash It might sound cheesy, but it can shift your perspective. “I get to go to work” instead of “I have to go to work” reminds you that having a job is actually a privilege. It doesn’t magically make tedious tasks fun, but it can make them feel less burdensome.
15. Acknowledge your growth over time.
Source: Unsplash Instead of focusing on how far you have to go, try looking back at how far you’ve come. “I couldn’t have handled this a year ago, but look at me now” is a great way to recognise your progress without putting pressure on yourself to be perfect.
