Once your kids become adults, your involvement in their lives and the role you play will inevitably change.
They still need your support and encouragement, but probably not as intensely as they did when they were younger. You have to be willing to uplift them without pushing too far. Here’s how to strike a balance (which is admittedly much harder than it seems).
1. Learn to bite your tongue sometimes.
Source: Pexels It’s tempting to offer advice on everything from their career to their love life, but sometimes they just need to figure things out on their own. If they want your opinion, trust me, they’ll ask for it.
2. Respect their living space.
If they’ve flown the nest, don’t just pop round unannounced. Give them a heads up before you visit. And for goodness’ sake, don’t rearrange their furniture or start cleaning when you’re there. Their home, their rules — even if it looks like a tornado hit it.
3. Offer financial help, but don’t make it a puppet string.
If you’re in a position to help them out money-wise, great, but don’t use it as a way to control their decisions. You’re not buying shares in their life choices. Help should be given freely, not with conditions attached.
4. Be a listener, not a fixer.
When they’re venting about work stress or relationship drama, resist the urge to jump in with solutions. Sometimes they just need an ear instead of an action plan. Think of yourself as a sounding board, not a repair shop.
5. Respect their relationships.
Even if you think their partner is about as suitable as a chocolate teapot, keep it to yourself unless asked. Oh, and definitely don’t try to set them up with the neighbour’s kid. They’re not a character in your personal rom-com.
6. Don’t compare them to anyone else.
Avoid the “When I was your age…” or “Your sister’s already…” comments. Each person’s journey is different. Supporting your child shouldn’t be akin to giving a performance review. Comparisons are more likely to breed resentment than motivation.
7. Celebrate their achievements, however small.
Whether it’s a promotion or finally figuring out how to cook something apart from toast, show genuine enthusiasm. You should be a cheerleader rather than a constant critic. A bit of applause from you can do wonders for their self-esteem, even if it doesn’t seem like it.
8. Respect their political and religious views.
They might not see eye to eye with you on everything, and that’s okay. Healthy debates are fine, but avoid turning every family dinner into a parliamentary debate. You’re never going to see eye to eye on every single issue.
9. Don’t overshare on social media.
Just because you’re proud of them doesn’t mean you need to broadcast their every move on Facebook. Ask before you post about them, and if they say no, don’t go ahead and do it anyway. Respect the boundaries they put in place.
10. Offer practical help, but don’t force it.
If you want to help, offer specific things like babysitting or cooking a meal. However, if they turn you down, accept that. You should be trying to lighten their load, not take their life over. Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is nothing at all.
11. Keep their confidences.
Source: Unsplash If they share something private with you, keep it to yourself. Don’t blab to Aunt Mildred or your book club — no one else need to know their personal business, so don’t use it as social currency. Building trust is vital for a good adult relationship with your kids.
12. Encourage their independence.
Source: Unsplash Resist the urge to do everything for them. Let them make their own doctor’s appointments and figure out their taxes. If they ask you for pointers, feel free to give them, but let them work through the tough stuff on their own. A little struggle now can prevent a lot of dependence later.
13. Show interest in their passions.
Even if you don’t understand their job or hobbies, make an effort to learn about them. You don’t have to become an expert, but showing genuine interest goes a long way. They’ll feel much closer to you as a result.
14. Respect their time.
Don’t expect them to be available 24/7 or get upset if they can’t talk every day. They have their own lives and responsibilities now. You’re an important part of their life, but there are other things on their schedule.
15. Be open about your own life.
Source: Unsplash Share your own experiences and challenges. It helps them see you as a person, not just a parent. But don’t overshare – they don’t need to know every detail. You’re aiming for a balanced adult relationship, not a total role reversal.
