As painful as it might be to admit it, sometimes the common denominator in our failed relationships is staring back at us in the mirror.
Sure, it takes two to tango as they say, but if you’re always the one getting left behind and a lot of your exes have had the same complaints about you, it’s clear there’s more going on than you’re willing to admit (or accept). Here are just some of the ways you might be sabotaging your own love life, however unintentional.
1. You’re still hung up on your ex.
It’s hard to drive forward when you’re constantly looking in the rearview mirror. If you’re comparing every new person to your ex, stalking their social media, or bringing them up on first dates, you might be preventing yourself from making genuine connections with someone new.
2. You refuse to have awkward or uncomfortable (but necessary) conversations.
Running away from conflict doesn’t make it disappear — it just lets it fester. If you’re choosing Netflix and silent treatment over honest discussions about your feelings, you’re basically giving your relationship a slow poison rather than occasional healthy medicine.
3. You expect people to read your mind.
Contrary to popular belief, love doesn’t come with telepathic abilities. If you’re getting upset because your partner didn’t magically know you wanted them to call, or you’re expecting them to understand why you’re mad without telling them, you’re setting everyone up for failure.
4. You’re treating dating like a shopping list.
While having standards is healthy, your mile-long list of non-negotiables might be a bit much. If you’re dismissing great people because they’re two inches shorter than your ideal height or don’t match your exact career preferences, you might be missing out on some amazing connections.
5. You’re trying to fix everyone.
Dating isn’t a renovation project. If you’re constantly entering relationships thinking you can change someone into your perfect partner, you’re not actually dating them — you’re dating their potential. And potential doesn’t pay the bills or remember your birthday.
6. You rush into relationships.
If you’re planning your wedding on the second date or already talking about moving in together after a week, you might be moving a bit too fast. Getting to know someone takes time — it’s a marathon, not a sprint to the altar.
7. You don’t respect boundaries.
Love doesn’t mean having 24/7 access to someone’s time, energy, and attention. If you’re getting upset when your partner needs alone time, maintains friendships, or has different interests, you might be suffocating the very connection you’re trying to build.
8. You’re playing games.
Taking three hours to reply because they took two, posting cryptic social media updates to make them jealous, or testing their loyalty with fake scenarios — these aren’t relationship strategies, they’re relationship destroyers. Love isn’t a chess match.
9. You’re not being honest about who you are.
If you’re pretending to love hiking, claiming to be a morning person, or hiding major parts of your personality to seem more appealing, you’re not setting the stage for a genuine connection. You’re setting up a performance that will eventually become exhausting to maintain.
10. You’re keeping score.
Relationships aren’t a competition where you tally who did what last. If you’re keeping mental notes of every favour, every mistake, and every perceived slight, you’re treating your relationship like a battlefield instead of a partnership.
11. You’re not taking responsibility.
If your go-to phrase after every breakup is “they’re all crazy,” it might be time for some self-reflection. While it’s possible you’ve had some unfortunate experiences, if everyone you date turns out to be “the problem,” the real problem might be closer to home.
12. You’re living in the future.
Being so focused on where the relationship is going that you forget to enjoy where it is right now. If you can’t enjoy a simple dinner without wondering if this person is marriage material, you’re missing out on all the fun parts of actually getting to know someone.
13. You’ve made dating your whole personality.
If your entire life revolves around finding “the one,” you might be putting too much pressure on your romantic connections. A relationship should add to your life, not be your entire life. Having your own interests, friends, and goals makes you a more interesting partner.
14. You’re avoiding vulnerability.
If you’re keeping your walls up higher than a medieval castle, you’re not really giving anyone a chance to get close. While it’s smart to be cautious, if you never let anyone see the real you, you’ll never experience real connection.
15. You’re ignoring red flags.
That gut feeling you keep pushing aside? It’s probably trying to tell you something important. If you’re consistently ignoring warning signs because someone is attractive, charming, or “has potential,” you’re volunteering for heartbreak duty.
16. You’re not actually ready for a relationship.
Sometimes the truth is simple — you might just not be in a place for a healthy relationship right now. If you’re still working through personal issues, healing from past trauma, or figuring out who you are, it’s okay to take a dating pause. The right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person.
