You want to have a long, happy, healthy relationship — but is your behaviour sending the opposite message?
No one’s perfect, of course, but there are certain toxic habits you might have that will slowly but surely destroy the connection you’ve built with your partner and leave you sad and alone. Here are some destructive actions that, if you’re guilty of them, need to be nipped in the bud immediately.
1. You constantly criticise your partner’s every move.
Everyone has quirks, but constantly pointing out your partner’s flaws can be incredibly hurtful. If you’re always finding fault with what they do or say, it creates a negative atmosphere that’s hard to escape. Remember, your partner isn’t perfect — and neither are you. Besides, if you think that low of them, why are you even together?
2. You bring up past mistakes during arguments.
Dredging up old issues during a current disagreement is a guaranteed way to escalate tensions. It shows you’ve been holding grudges and haven’t truly moved on from things that happened in the (potentially distant) past. Focus on the present issue instead of reopening old wounds.
3. You avoid tough conversations and let resentment build.
While it’s tempting to sweep issues under the rug for the sake of peace, unaddressed problems only snowball over time. Bottling up your feelings leads to resentment, which can poison your relationship from the inside out. It’s better to have those tough talks sooner rather than later.
4. You prioritise your phone over quality time together.
If you’re constantly scrolling through social media or answering work emails when you’re supposed to be spending time with your partner, it sends a clear message that they’re not your priority. It can create a real emotional distance between you, and for what? Your phone isn’t going to keep you warm at night or look after you when you’re sick.
5. You make major decisions without consulting your partner.
Whether it’s a big purchase or a career move, making important choices without involving your partner shows a lack of respect for their input and the partnership you’ve built. It can leave them feeling sidelined in their own relationship.
6. You use the silent treatment as a weapon.
Giving your partner the cold shoulder might seem like a way to show your displeasure, but it’s actually a form of emotional manipulation. It creates anxiety and frustration, breaking down communication and trust in your relationship.
7. You take your partner for granted and never show appreciation.
It’s easy to become complacent and forget to acknowledge the things your partner does for you. Regularly expressing a bit of gratitude, even for small gestures, helps maintain a positive connection. Without it, your partner might feel unappreciated and resentful.
8. You compare your relationship to other people’s, especially on social media.
Constantly measuring your relationship against other couples, especially the carefully curated ones you see on social media, is a recipe for disaster. Remember, what you see online isn’t the full picture. Focus on nurturing your own unique connection instead of chasing an unrealistic ideal.
9. You dismiss your partner’s feelings or concerns.
Telling your partner they’re overreacting or that their feelings aren’t valid is a form of emotional invalidation. It can make them feel unheard and misunderstood, creating an emotional distance between you. Always try to listen and empathise, even if you don’t agree.
10. You let outside influences interfere too much in your relationship.
While it’s important to maintain individual friendships and family ties, letting other people have too much say in your relationship can be damaging. Your partnership should be your priority, and decisions should be made between the two of you, not by committee.
11. You neglect physical intimacy and affection.
Physical touch, from holding hands to hugging to sexual intimacy, is a vital part of maintaining your bond. Letting this aspect of your relationship slide can lead to feelings of rejection and disconnection. Make an effort to maintain physical closeness, even when life gets busy.
12. You use threats to get your way.
Threatening to leave or end the relationship whenever things get tough creates an atmosphere of insecurity and fear. It’s a form of emotional blackmail that destroys trust and prevents genuine problem-solving. Disagreements should be handled with respect, not threats.
13. You keep score of who does what in the relationship.
Relationships aren’t a competition. If you’re constantly tallying up who did what chore or who paid for what, you’re creating an unhealthy dynamic. A partnership is about working together, not against each other. Focus on fairness and mutual support instead of point-scoring.
14. You refuse to compromise and always insist on getting your way.
Relationships require give and take. If you’re always adamant about getting your way, you’re not respecting your partner’s needs and preferences. Learning to find middle ground is crucial for maintaining harmony and mutual respect.
15. You hide things from your partner, even small ones.
Keeping secrets, even if they seem insignificant, can erode trust over time. Whether it’s a small purchase or a conversation with an ex, dishonesty creates cracks in your foundation. Openness and honesty, while sometimes uncomfortable, are essential for a healthy relationship.
16. You take your stress out on your partner.
Life can be challenging, but using your partner as an emotional punching bag isn’t fair. If you’re constantly snapping at them or being moody because of external stressors, you’re creating a negative association with your presence. Learn healthier ways to manage your stress that don’t involve hurting your partner.
