You don’t mind helping people out, but sometimes people ask for favours that you can’t or simply don’t want to fulfil.
You don’t want to turn the person down right off the bat, but you’re also not sure if it makes sense for you to say “yes” right now. You have limited bandwidth, so you need to use it wisely. That’s why, when someone asks for a favour, you need to do these things before committing.
1. Take a minute to consider what they’re asking of you before answering.
Source: Unsplash When someone asks for a favour, don’t answer straight away. Take a breath and give yourself time to think. This way, you can figure out whether you’re genuinely able and willing to help, rather than agreeing out of pressure or habit.
2. Ask for more details if you need them.
If the request is vague, or you’re unsure about what’s involved, don’t hesitate to ask for clarification. Understanding the full extent of the favour helps you make an informed decision. It’s better to ask questions upfront than to agree to something you can’t actually do.
3. Be honest about your ability to help.
If you really can’t help out for whatever reason, be straightforward about it. There’s no need to invent excuses or apologise profusely. A simple, honest response like “I’m sorry, but I can’t help with that right now” is often the best approach. People generally appreciate honesty, even if it’s not the answer they hoped for.
4. Offer an alternative if you have one.
If you can’t do the favour they’re asking of you, figure out if there’s another way you can help, if you’re inclined to do so. Maybe you can’t lend money, but you could offer advice on budgeting. Or, maybe you can’t babysit, but you know someone who might be available. Offering alternatives shows you care and want to be helpful.
5. Set some boundaries if you do agree to help.
When you do say yes to a favour, be clear about what you’re agreeing to. Specify any limitations on your time, resources, or involvement to prevent misunderstandings. It also makes sure you’re both on the same page regarding the extent to which you’re prepared to chip in and help.
6. Don’t feel guilty about saying no.
Remember, you’re not obligated to say yes to everything everyone asks of you. It’s okay to prioritise your own needs and commitments. Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person; it’s a normal part of maintaining healthy boundaries. Focus on being kind in your refusal rather than feeling guilty about it.
7. Explain your reasoning if you feel you need to.
While you don’t owe anyone an explanation for saying no, sometimes offering a brief reason can soften the blow. Keep it simple and honest, like “I have a deadline this week and can’t take on anything else.” It helps the other person understand your situation without feeling dismissed.
8. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory.
Source: Unsplash Frame your response using “I” statements to focus on your perspective, rather than potentially making the other person feel blamed or judged for wanting help. For example, say “I don’t feel comfortable lending money” instead of “You shouldn’t ask for money.” They’re way less likely to get defensive if you put things that way.
9. Offer to help in the future if you really want to.
Source: Unsplash If you’re not in a position to help now but would be open to doing so in the future, say so. Something like, “I can’t this time, but please feel free to ask me again in the future” leaves the door open if they need a hand in the future. Just make sure you’re sincere about this offer to avoid creating false hope.
10. Let them know where you stand right away so you don’t leave them hanging.
Source: Unsplash Once you’ve decided whether you can help or not, respond as soon as possible. Leaving someone waiting for an answer can cause unnecessary stress and may make them feel unimportant. A quick response, even if it’s a no, is often appreciated more than a delayed one.
11. Be mindful of your tone and body language.
Source: Unsplash Whether you’re agreeing to help or turning them down, pay attention to how you’re communicating. Your tone of voice and body language can convey as much as your words. Aim for a warm, understanding manner, even if you’re saying no. It softens the blow a bit.
12. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.
Source: Unsplash It’s tempting to agree to help just to please someone, but making promises you can’t fulfil is worse than saying no upfront. Be realistic about what you can do. If you’re unsure, it’s better to say, “Let me check and get back to you” than to commit and then have to backtrack later.
13. Thank them for asking you.
Source: Unsplash Even if you’re unable to help, you can still show appreciation for being trusted with the request. A simple “Thank you for thinking of me” acknowledges the person’s trust in you and can help keep your relationship positive, regardless of your answer.
14. Redirect them to somewhere or someone who might be better equipped to help, if at all possible.
Source: Unsplash If you know of better resources or more suitable people to help with the request, share this information. For instance, if someone asks for professional advice outside your expertise, you could suggest a relevant expert or helpful resource. It shows you’re still willing to assist, just in a different way.
15. Be prepared for potential pushback.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, people might not take no for an answer easily. Be prepared to stand firm if someone tries to pressure or guilt you into changing your mind. Repeat your position calmly and clearly, without getting drawn into an argument or feeling the need to over-explain your decision.
16. Follow through if you’ve agreed to help.
Source: Unsplash If you’ve said yes to a favour, make sure to follow through with your commitment. Be reliable and do what you’ve promised to the best of your ability. Doing so builds trust and makes it more likely that people will be understanding if you need to say no in the future.
