Stubbornness doesn’t always show up as shouting or outright refusal.
More often, it hides behind excuses that sound reasonable on the surface. These aren’t loud declarations; they’re quiet little shields people use to protect habits they’re not ready to let go of. If you hear someone saying these often—or catch yourself using them—it might be time to look a little closer.
1. “That’s not my responsibility anymore.”
Sometimes people push accountability aside not by denying the issue, but by acting like it’s someone else’s job to fix. This creates a nice little loophole where they don’t have to engage, even when they’re still clearly involved. It sounds practical, even mature, but it often just means they’re checking out without wanting to look like they’re giving up. It lets them stay stuck while acting like they’re taking the high road.
2. “Well, it’s not like I’ve been asked to change.”
This one plays the passive card. It frames growth as something that should be requested, rather than a personal choice. If no one’s spelling it out, they’ll take that as permission to stay exactly the same. It’s a way to ignore subtle cues, unspoken tension, or the kind of discomfort that doesn’t come with a clear instruction manual. The change is clearly needed, but they wait until it’s unavoidable before doing anything.
3. “I don’t want to open that can of worms.”
People use this when they know the behaviour is connected to something deeper—but they don’t want to deal with the emotional mess it might bring up. It’s a delay tactic wrapped in a fear of overwhelm. They’ll tell themselves they’re protecting peace or avoiding drama. But really, they’re avoiding discomfort. And staying in the familiar, even when it hurts other people, feels safer than dealing with buried stuff.
4. “That’s just how it works in my family.”
Referencing upbringing or culture can be a way to anchor habits that should’ve evolved years ago. It sounds like context, but it’s often an escape hatch from growth. Yes, family dynamics shape people. But blaming them forever keeps you stuck in patterns that may not serve anyone anymore. At some point, it stops being history and starts being a choice.
5. “I’m not ready to talk about that yet.”
Sometimes this is genuine, and fair. But when it becomes a permanent excuse to shut things down, it’s a sign of emotional avoidance. Growth gets paused until further notice, but that notice never comes. It quietly tells the other person: “Keep waiting while I stay exactly the same.” If this line is always on repeat, it’s not about timing—it’s about control.
6. “I’ll change when things calm down.”
This one makes growth dependent on the perfect conditions—when work slows down, when life gets easier, when someone else finally changes too. It’s future-you’s problem. The catch is, things rarely “calm down” in the way they’re hoping. So they stay in limbo, waiting for a clear runway that never appears. It’s a comfortable kind of procrastination disguised as practicality.
7. “I’ve made progress already.”
Progress is great, but sometimes people use it as a reason to stop moving forward. They do the bare minimum, then cling to it like proof they’ve changed enough. This creates a trap where past effort becomes a shield against current feedback. It’s not a refusal to grow—it’s a way of defending what little growth they’ve already done like it’s the final destination.
8. “I don’t want to change just to please someone else.”
This one sounds empowering, but it often gets used to dismiss valid concerns. It reframes the entire conversation as pressure, even if the feedback is about something genuinely hurtful or harmful. True change should come from within—but using that idea to ignore how your behaviour affects other people isn’t strength. It’s stubbornness pretending to be self-respect.
9. “Other people have it worse.”
This is emotional deflection. Instead of engaging with real feedback, they pull out the suffering Olympics. If someone else is behaving worse, they feel justified in staying the same. It shuts down the conversation and makes any request for growth seem dramatic or petty. It’s a convenient way to avoid accountability while still sounding like they care about perspective.
10. “If it were really a problem, someone would have said something sooner.”
This one flips responsibility onto other people for not speaking up fast enough. It places the burden of clarity, timing, and emotional labour entirely outside themselves. By the time the issue is raised, it’s already overdue. However, instead of responding, they focus on how inconvenient or delayed the feedback is because that’s easier than facing what’s actually being said.
11. “This is just who I am when I’m stressed.”
Stress gets blamed for a lot. And while it absolutely affects behaviour, it’s not a free pass to act however you want. Still, this excuse shows up when someone wants understanding without reflection. If stress always brings out the same harmful patterns, it’s not just stress—it’s habit, and hiding behind it keeps you from learning how to handle hard moments differently.
12. “I’d rather be real than fake.”
Being real is valuable—but not when it’s used as a reason to be careless or harsh. This line often shows up when someone refuses to adapt or soften in situations that call for it. It’s not authenticity—it’s rigidity. Worse, it usually comes from the belief that adjusting behaviour means losing identity. However, real growth doesn’t make you fake—it makes you more intentional.
13. “I don’t want to set a precedent.”
This is a quiet one. It’s the voice that says, “If I change now, people will expect more from me later.” So instead, they dig their heels in, even if they know the change would help. It’s not about capacity; it’s about control. The fear of being seen as flexible or obliging makes them hold the line at all costs, even when that line makes no sense anymore.
14. “I’m not the only one who needs to change.”
This might be true, but using it as a reason to stay stuck just creates a stalemate. It turns growth into a group project, where no one moves unless everyone else goes first. This keeps conversations at a standstill. It’s got nothing to do with fairness, either. It’s about keeping pressure off themselves by spreading the blame around just enough to feel off the hook.
15. “That’s just how I react when I care.”
This excuse tries to reframe bad behaviour as passion. If someone lashes out, withdraws, or controls under the name of “love,” it’s still damaging, even if they believe it comes from a good place. Feelings don’t justify everything. And using emotion as an excuse not to change ends up hurting the very people they claim to care about most.
16. “Well, no one’s perfect.”
This might be the most common excuse of all. It sounds humble—but often it’s a way to dodge growth by leaning on the fact that everyone’s flawed. It flattens the issue instead of facing it. No one’s asking for perfection, but when this phrase becomes a shield, it stops conversations before they can even begin. It lets people feel justified in doing nothing, and that’s where trust and progress start to fall by the wayside.
