Relationships are meant to be built on trust, respect, and genuine care for one another.
Sadly, that doesn’t mean your partner has the same intentions, and it can feel like they’re only in it for what they can get. Recognising the signs can be tough, but understanding them helps you take control of your happiness. If these things are happening, chances are, they’re not quite as invested in building a loving, healthy relationship as you are.
1. They only show up when they need something.
If your partner is only around when they need a favour, money, or emotional support, but disappears when it’s your turn to lean on them, it’s a red flag. A healthy relationship involves mutual support, not one-sided demands. Take note of whether their presence feels transactional rather than genuine.
2. They rarely ask about your day or your feelings.
A partner who’s using you often won’t take the time to genuinely check in or show interest in your life. Conversations tend to revolve around their needs, leaving little room for yours. Relationships thrive on reciprocity, and you deserve someone who wants to know how you’re really doing.
3. They avoid committing to plans or the relationship.
If your partner constantly dodges conversations about the future or keeps things vague, it could be because they don’t see you as a long-term priority. Commitment isn’t about rushing; it’s about showing steady intent. A lack of clarity can leave you feeling stuck in limbo.
4. They make you feel guilty for asking for anything.
When you express your needs or ask for help, they might accuse you of being “too demanding” or make you feel like a burden. This is a tactic to deflect responsibility and keep the focus on their wants instead. Healthy relationships involve meeting each other halfway, not making you feel bad for needing support.
5. Their effort is inconsistent or minimal.
You might notice they only put in effort when it’s convenient for them, but not when it truly counts. Whether it’s remembering special dates or showing up when you need them, their lack of consistency speaks volumes. True care shows up in consistent, thoughtful actions, not occasional gestures.
6. They dismiss your boundaries.
If you’ve set clear boundaries , and they continuously push or ignore them, it’s a sign of disrespect. Boundaries are a cornerstone of healthy relationships, and someone who values you will honour them. Ignoring boundaries often reflects a focus on their own needs over yours.
7. They use charm to distract from bad behaviour.
When things go wrong, they might shower you with compliments or gifts to smooth things over, but the underlying issues never get addressed. While everyone enjoys a little charm, it shouldn’t be a cover-up for repeated patterns of disregard. Watch for whether their charm feels sincere or like a distraction.
8. They avoid tough conversations.
Rather than facing problems head-on, they might brush off your concerns or change the subject. Avoidance leaves issues unresolved and keeps you carrying the emotional weight of the relationship. Open communication is a key part of mutual respect and growth, and a lack of it often signals disinterest.
9. They’re only affectionate on their terms.
Affection might come and go, depending on when it suits them or what they want. Genuine love involves consistent affection that isn’t conditional on getting something in return. Pay attention to whether their warmth feels authentic or calculated.
10. They seem more invested in what you can provide than who you are.
Whether it’s financial support, social connections, or a convenient living situation, their focus might be more on what you bring to the table than on you as a person. Relationships should feel personal, not transactional. If their interest feels surface-level, it’s worth questioning their motives.
11. They make you feel replaceable.
Comments or behaviours that suggest you’re “just one option” rather than a valued partner can be deeply hurtful. A partner who truly cares makes you feel important, not interchangeable. Feeling undervalued can be a major sign that their intentions aren’t genuine.
12. They’re secretive or evasive.
When someone avoids answering questions or sharing details about their life, it can signal a lack of transparency. Trust is built on honesty, and secrecy often points to underlying issues. If they’re always vague or defensive, it’s worth paying attention to what they might be hiding.
13. They don’t celebrate your achievements.
Instead of being happy for your wins, they downplay or ignore them. A partner who’s using you might feel threatened by your success or simply not care enough to celebrate it. A healthy relationship involves mutual encouragement and shared joy in each other’s accomplishments.
14. They rely on you for emotional labour but don’t reciprocate.
You might find yourself always supporting them through tough times, while they’re nowhere to be found when you need the same. Emotional labour should be shared, not one-sided. If you’re always giving and never receiving, it can feel draining and unbalanced.
15. They make promises they never keep.
Empty promises can keep you hanging on, but repeated letdowns show a lack of genuine commitment. Words without action can leave you feeling frustrated and disrespected. Trust is built on follow-through, not just good intentions.
16. You feel more anxious than happy in the relationship.
If their actions leave you constantly second-guessing or doubting yourself, it’s a sign something isn’t right. A relationship should feel like a safe, supportive space, not a source of ongoing stress. Trusting your gut about how the relationship makes you feel can reveal what you need to do next.
