Narcissists are toxic and draining, but they’re also pretty predictable after a while.
Once you see them for who you are, you start to recognise the manipulative tactics they use to try to tear you down, control you, and spin the narrative in their own favour. As a result, you’ll start picking up on the parts of their vocab they seem to spew out on repeat. Without a doubt, every narcissist loves saying these things. If only they realised how obvious and pathetic it makes them look!
1. “Everything always comes back to me.”
Source: Unsplash No matter what’s happening in your life, they’ll quickly pivot the conversation back to themselves. If you’re dealing with a loss, they’ll mention their own tough times. If you share a personal achievement, they’ll find a way to overshadow it with stories of their “similar” experiences. Their constant redirection isn’t just self-centred; it’s a way of making sure your highs and lows are never really yours to own.
2. “You’re too sensitive.”
When you bring up hurt feelings, they’ll brush it off as you overreacting, shifting the focus away from their behaviour. They want you to question your own emotions, making you feel like you’re the one at fault for being affected by their actions. Over time, this kind of dismissal destroys your confidence, pushing you to accept mistreatment as normal.
3. “Nobody else has ever complained about this.”
By bringing up “past” relationships or situations where “no one else” found fault with them, they’re subtly positioning you as the problem. The goal is to make you question your own perceptions and fall in line with what they want. You’re left wondering if maybe it really is just you, which is exactly the self-doubt they’re trying to instil.
4. “I’ve done so much for you.”
Any favour or kind gesture they’ve done becomes a weapon in arguments, brought up to guilt-trip you whenever you voice concerns. A ride to the airport or a thoughtful gift transforms into a debt you apparently owe them. They’re experts at turning basic acts of kindness into a running tab, with you always coming up short.
5. “Nobody will ever love you like I do.”
This phrase is laced with insecurity and control, designed to keep you from looking for better treatment elsewhere. By telling you that “no one else” could love or tolerate you, they make it seem like you’re somehow “lucky” to have them. It’s an attempt to make you believe that leaving would mean giving up on the only love you’ll find.
6. “You made me do this.”
When their temper flares or they lash out, it’s somehow always your fault. If they’re yelling, it’s because you provoked them; if they’re ignoring you, it’s because you’re too demanding. This toxic tactic shifts the blame onto you, making you feel responsible for their outbursts and forcing you to constantly walk on eggshells.
7. “Remember when you messed up last year?”
Narcissists store away your mistakes to use as ammunition, bringing up old missteps whenever it’s convenient for them. Even small errors from the past get dredged up in unrelated arguments to justify their current behaviour. Instead of addressing their own issues, they’ll throw your history at you, deflecting attention from their actions.
8. “I’m just being honest, okay?”
After making a hurtful comment about your appearance or choices, they’ll defend it as “honesty.” Narcissists often claim to be “just telling it like it is” to cover up cruel or unnecessary remarks, presenting themselves as the only one brave enough to speak the “truth.” This tactic lets them criticise you while painting themselves as refreshingly “real.”
9. “You’re imagining all this stuff.”
If you point out inconsistencies in their stories or behaviour, they’ll gaslight you by insisting you’re imagining things or misremembering events. They might even deny saying things you clearly remember. It’s a strategy to make you doubt your own reality, leaving you second-guessing yourself and dependent on their version of the truth.
10. “Look what you’ve reduced me to.”
When confronted with their own poor behaviour, they’ll flip the situation, casting themselves as the “real” victim. Suddenly, it’s not about their lies or manipulation—it’s about how you pushed them to the breaking point. Their dramatic self-pity is designed to make you feel guilty, so you’ll focus less on their actions and more on their supposed “hurt.”
11. “Nobody else understands me.”
They paint themselves as a misunderstood soul, claiming you’re the only one who truly “gets” them. Doing this creates a false sense of intimacy, isolating you from other perspectives by making you feel special for “seeing” who they are. But it’s also a way to excuse their behaviour, subtly suggesting that only a select few can appreciate their “complexity.”
12. “You’re lucky to have me.”
This line reveals their inflated self-worth, positioning themselves as a rare “catch” that you should feel grateful for. By implying that they’re above you in some way, they create an imbalance in the relationship where you’re made to feel less valuable. It’s a control tactic designed to make you work harder to keep their attention and approval.
13. “Why are you bringing up old issues?”
If you try to address past hurts or unresolved conflicts, they’ll dismiss them as irrelevant or “ancient history.” This response is a way for them to dodge accountability, making it seem as if you’re the one holding on to negativity. They expect you to forget past issues on command, all while continuing the same patterns of behaviour.
14. “I’m only trying to help you improve.”
Their criticism and controlling behaviour get packaged as “concern” or “guidance,” as if they’re simply looking out for you. They’ll highlight your “flaws” and “areas for improvement” under the guise of caring, but it’s really about chipping away at your confidence. They want you to feel like you need their input to grow.
15. “You’ve changed.”
As soon as you start standing up for yourself or setting boundaries, they’ll say you’re not the person they “fell for.” This line is meant to make your healthy growth seem like a betrayal, implying they liked you better when you were more compliant. They resist any shift in power dynamics and would rather keep you doubting your progress.
16. “Nobody else sees this side of me.”
They’ll position their vulnerable or tender moments as something you alone are “privileged” to see, making you feel special and close. This supposedly unique bond is meant to keep you loyal, but it also serves to cast doubt on anyone who challenges their public behaviour. If other people share stories of a different side, you’re more likely to dismiss them because you believe you’ve seen the “real” person.
