When you’re struggling, hearing certain things from people you care about (and who are supposed to care about you!) can be like a punch to the gut.
Emotional invalidation isn’t always intentional, but the impact is the same — it makes you feel small, unheard, or wrong for simply feeling what you’re feeling. The truth is that your emotions are valid, you’re not “overreacting” or “too sensitive” for having them, and you don’t need to apologise for them. However, it’s often hard to remember those things when you’re in a bad place. That’s why, while these statements might seem harmless on the surface, they can still cut deep and leave a lasting sting. If you’ve heard them, you know how true that is. If you’ve said them, it’s time to think again moving forward.
1. “You’re still hung up on that?”
This assumes that there’s a timeline for healing, implying that someone should be over their feelings by now. It suggests their emotions are outdated, as if they’ve outlived their usefulness. The problem with this is that healing isn’t a straightforward process. Everyone processes their pain in their own time, and there’s no magic switch to just turn off those emotions. So when someone hears, “You’re still hung up on that?”, it can feel like a dismissal of their entire experience. A much better approach is saying something like, “I’m here if you want to talk more about it.” It reassures the person that it’s okay to take the time they need and that their emotions are still important, no matter how long it’s been since the event.
2. “You’re making it a bigger deal than it is.”
Telling someone that they’re exaggerating their feelings is one of the quickest ways to make them feel invalidated. It implies that their experience isn’t as serious as they think and undermines the depth of their emotions. Being told that you’re blowing something out of proportion something can make you question whether your feelings are justified in the first place, leaving you hesitant to open up again in the future. Instead, a more supportive response would be, “It sounds like this is really weighing on you — how can I help?” Something like this shows that you recognise their feelings and are ready to support them without dismissing their experience.
3. “It could be worse.”
While this might be intended to offer perspective, it often comes across as trivialising someone’s pain. It suggests that their problems don’t matter because someone else has it harder, creating a hierarchy of struggles. The last thing someone who’s going through something tough wants to hear is that their pain isn’t as valid as someone else’s. A better way to empathise would be to say, “That sounds really tough; I can see why it’s upsetting you.” It helps the person feel seen and heard without having their struggles compared to someone else’s.
4. “You always take things too personally.”
When someone says this, it shifts the blame onto the person who’s already struggling, as if they’re the one at fault for being too sensitive. It can make someone feel like they’re being irrational for feeling the way they do, which discourages them from opening up in the future. A much more constructive approach would be, “What about this is upsetting you?” This creates an opportunity for a real conversation rather than shutting it down with a judgemental statement, which then helps to understand what’s behind their feelings.
5. “Just let it go.”
This seems like simple advice, but it completely oversimplifies the emotional complexity someone is facing. Telling someone to basically just move on from something that’s deeply affecting them implies that their feelings are a choice, when in reality, emotions take time to process and understand. It dismisses the effort it takes to work through those feelings and might make the person feel like they’re being rushed to move on. A more understanding way to approach this is, “I know this isn’t easy to let go of. Do you want to talk it through?” It shows patience and empathy, and allows the person to take their time without feeling like they have to move on before they’re ready.
6. “You’re too emotional.”
Labelling someone as “too emotional” suggests that there’s something wrong with them for having feelings. It can make someone feel ashamed of their natural emotional responses, as if expressing pain or frustration is inherently bad. The reality is that emotions are part of being human, and everyone feels them at different times. A better response would be, “You’re feeling a lot right now, and that’s okay.” It validates their emotional experience and creates space for them to express themselves without fear of being criticised.
7. “Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”
This is a direct way of dismissing someone’s emotions, and that’s not okay. By framing their feelings as a “big deal” that’s somehow unworthy of attention, it makes them feel embarrassed or ashamed for feeling upset in the first place. Instead of making them feel like an inconvenience, a more empathetic approach would be, “This seems really important to you, so tell me more.” Letting them share what they’re going through shows that you’re genuinely interested in understanding where they’re coming from.
8. “I’m sure it’s not that bad.”
This one may be intended to reassure them, but it often has the opposite effect. It minimises the person’s situation, making them feel like their struggles aren’t being taken seriously. Dismissing someone’s feelings by insisting that it could be worse, even if that’s true, can leave them feeling unseen and unheard. Instead, try something like, “It sounds like this has been really hard on you.” It shows that you’re acknowledging their experience without brushing it aside, and it helps them feel validated in their emotions.
9. “Everyone feels like that sometimes.”
Although the intention might be to normalise someone’s feelings, this one can come across as dismissive. It suggests that their struggles aren’t unique and that they shouldn’t spend too much time thinking about it. While it’s true that many people experience similar emotions, reducing someone’s feelings to a generic experience everyone has can make them feel like their pain doesn’t matter. Instead, a better response would be, “It sounds like this is really affecting you. What’s been the hardest part?” Invite them to share their personal experience and give them space to process what they’re going through. They’ll be thankful for it.
10. “Stop being so dramatic.”
Telling someone they’re being a drama queen or king invalidates their feelings by making them seem exaggerated or irrational. It often causes the person to shut down or bottle up their emotions because they feel embarrassed or judged. A far more supportive response would be, “It sounds like this is really upsetting. What’s on your mind?” It creates an open and non-judgemental space for the person to talk about their emotions without fear of being criticised for how they’re feeling.
11. “That’s life — just deal with it.”
Life is full of ups and downs, but this one completely dismisses someone’s right to feel upset or overwhelmed by what they’re going through. It sends the message that they should just accept their situation without processing or expressing their emotions. It can feel cold and unhelpful, especially when someone is struggling. Instead, try saying, “It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot right now. How can I support you?” It focuses on their feelings and shows compassion without forcing them to just “deal with it.”
12. “Don’t be so negative.”
This makes the person feel like their emotions are wrong, as if there’s something inherently flawed about expressing frustration or sadness. It discourages people from sharing their struggles, leaving them to internalise their feelings instead of getting the support they need. A more constructive approach would be, “I know this is really getting you down. Want to chat about it?” It encourages them to open up and shows that their feelings are valid, no matter how negative they might seem.
13. “You just need to relax.”
While relaxation may help in some situations, telling someone to just chill out when they’re struggling with intense feelings can feel incredibly dismissive. It oversimplifies their emotional state and ignores the complexities of what they’re going through. A more empathetic response could be, “This seems really overwhelming. How can we make it more manageable?” It shows a willingness to understand their situation and offer help, rather than minimising what they’re going through,
14. “You’re blowing this out of proportion.”
Criticising someone for having a big reaction to something dismisses their feelings entirely. It implies that their emotions are not valid and that they’re overreacting to something that doesn’t deserve that level of attention. Instead of framing it as an exaggeration, try saying, “This seems really important to you. What’s making it feel so intense?” It invites a deeper conversation and helps the person feel understood, rather than judged. After all, just because something isn’t a big deal to you doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal in general.
15. “Can’t you just focus on the positives?”
Positivity has its place, but forcing someone to focus on the bright side when they’re struggling can feel invalidating. It’s like telling them that their pain isn’t acceptable and that they should simply be positive when they’re feeling anything but. As if it were that simple, anyway! A much better approach would be to first validate their emotions: “It’s okay to feel upset — I get it.” This lets the person to process their feelings before jumping to solutions, showing that their emotions are recognised and valid.
16. “It’s not that serious.”
Telling someone that their emotions aren’t serious enough to warrant a strong reaction can make them feel like they’re overreacting or being foolish. This only deepens their feelings of frustration and isolation, leaving them feeling judged instead of supported. A better way to respond would be, “I can see this has been weighing on you. What’s been the hardest part?” It helps the person feel heard and understood, without making them feel like their experience doesn’t matter.