Few things are more frustrating than expressing your feelings, only to have someone brush them off with, “It’s not that big of a deal.”
After all, just because something isn’t important to them doesn’t mean it’s not to you. Whether they mean well or just don’t understand where you’re coming from, it can feel invalidating, making it seem like your concerns, emotions, or boundaries don’t matter. You don’t have to just stand there and put up with it, though. Here are a few ways to respond that keep your voice heard, and your feelings respected, without getting drawn into an argument.
1. “It might not be a big deal to you, but it is to me.”
Just because someone else doesn’t think something is important doesn’t mean it isn’t. This makes it clear that your perspective matters, even if they don’t see it the same way. It also stops them from shifting the conversation onto what they think and brings it back to what’s important — you. People experience things differently, and just because something wouldn’t bother them doesn’t mean it shouldn’t bother you.
2. “If it wasn’t a big deal, we wouldn’t be talking about it.”
If the issue was as insignificant as they claim, then it wouldn’t have come up in the first place. This points out the fact that the conversation itself proves that it matters. It also subtly puts the responsibility back on them. If they genuinely think it’s nothing, why are they so resistant to talking about it? Brushing things aside doesn’t make them go away, and this response makes that point clear.
3. “I get that you don’t see it the same way, but I’d appreciate it if you respected my feelings.”
Not everyone will understand why something matters to you, but that doesn’t mean they get to dismiss it. This keeps things calm while setting a firm expectation for respect. Even if they don’t fully understand where you’re coming from, they should at least acknowledge that your feelings are valid. It’s a way of shifting the conversation from whether or not something is a “big deal” to the simple fact that it matters to you.
4. “I’d rather talk about it now than let it turn into a bigger problem later.”
Many people dismiss things because they don’t want to deal with them, but ignoring small issues can lead to much bigger problems down the line. Saying this reminds them of that. It also shows maturity by focusing on resolution rather than avoidance. If they truly care about keeping things smooth between you, they’ll see that discussing it now is better than pretending it doesn’t exist.
5. “If it’s really not a big deal, then why not just listen?”
People who say “it’s not that big of a deal” often do so because they don’t want to engage with the issue. This response flips that logic on its head; if it’s not a big deal, then listening to you shouldn’t be a problem. It subtly challenges them to consider why they’re avoiding the conversation. If they don’t want to listen, it’s probably not because the issue is small, it’s because they don’t want to address it.
6. “I’m telling you it matters to me, and that should be enough.”
Sometimes, you don’t need to justify why something is important. This one reminds them that the fact that it matters to you is reason enough for it to be taken seriously. People often try to dismiss things by making you prove why they matter. But your feelings don’t need justification. If something is affecting you, that’s valid all on its own.
7. “Minimising my feelings doesn’t make them go away.”
When someone tells you it’s not a big deal, they might be hoping you’ll just drop it. This makes it clear that ignoring something doesn’t make it disappear. It also encourages them to think about the impact their words have. Dismissing someone’s feelings doesn’t resolve anything; it just pushes those feelings aside until they build up and come back stronger.
8. “I’d appreciate it if you took a moment to see things from my side.”
Sometimes, people don’t mean to be dismissive; they just don’t realise how something feels from your perspective. By saying this, you encourage them to step outside their own experience for a moment and consider other people’s point of view. Encouraging empathy rather than pushing back with frustration can sometimes help the conversation move forward. It gives them a chance to understand rather than just react.
9. “I’m not asking you to agree with me, just to understand where I’m coming from.”
Source: Unsplash People sometimes assume that listening means agreeing, but it doesn’t. This one helps separate the two, making it clear that you’re looking for understanding, not validation. It also takes the pressure off them, making them less likely to get defensive. When the goal is simply understanding, they might be more willing to hear you out (if they’re reasonable, that is).
10. “Would you feel the same way if the roles were reversed?”
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, people dismiss concerns because they haven’t considered how they’d feel in your position, and this encourages them to reflect on that. By flipping the focus, you help them see that their reaction might not be the same if they were the ones feeling hurt, frustrated, or unheard. Sometimes people have to put themselves in your shoes to truly understand where you’re coming from. When they realise they’d feel exactly the same, they’re more likely to take what you’re saying seriously.
11. “I’d rather we address this properly than pretend it doesn’t matter.”
Source: Unsplash Some people downplay issues to avoid awkwardness or feeling uncomfortable, but this makes it clear that ignoring things doesn’t solve them. It also reassures them that you’re not trying to start an argument — you just want to communicate properly and prevent misunderstandings. You can’t just sweep things under the carpet and expect them to go away, after all.
12. “I’m not overreacting; I’m reacting.”
Being told something isn’t a big deal often implies that you’re making a fuss over nothing. This one calmly reinforces that your reaction is natural and valid, even if they don’t think it is (or they’re trying to pretend it’s not to get out of addressing the problem). It keeps things direct without escalating the conversation. You’re not looking for an argument, just recognition that your feelings are real. It really is that simple.
13. “Dismissing how I feel makes me less likely to open up in the future.”
Minimising someone’s feelings damages trust, even if the person doing it doesn’t realise it at the time. This response points that out in a way that encourages them to be more mindful if they actually value their relationship with you. By pointing out how their words affect the bigger picture, it can help them understand why their reaction matters in the long run. If you can’t trust them to take your feelings seriously, why would you ever share them?
14. “It’s okay if you don’t get it, but please don’t dismiss it.”
Not everyone will understand why something matters to you, and that’s fine, but not understanding something doesn’t mean they have the right to dismiss it. This keeps things neutral while reinforcing that your feelings deserve respect, even if they don’t personally relate. You don’t have to see eye to eye to recognise each other’s right to feel the way you feel.
15. “I trust my own feelings on this.”
It’s easy to start doubting yourself when someone keeps telling you that you’re making too much of a situation. This is a reminder that you don’t need external approval to know what matters to you. It sets a boundary while keeping things calm. You’re standing by your feelings, regardless of whether they see it the same way.
16. “Let’s talk about it properly instead of brushing it aside.”
If they’re genuinely interested in maintaining a good relationship with you, they should be open to discussing things properly rather than dismissing them. Keeping the conversation constructive rather than reactive makes it harder for them to avoid. If they care, they’ll listen. It’s as simple as that.
