Ever noticed how some people just have a way of making you feel comfortable and respected? It’s not just about what they do, but also about what they don’t say. Certain phrases can be real conversation killers, instantly creating tension or making people feel small. With that in mind, here are some phrases that respectful people wouldn’t dream of uttering. Avoid them at all costs!
1. “That’s stupid.”
Dismissing someone’s idea or opinion as “stupid” is a sure-fire way to shut down conversation and make them feel belittled. Even if you disagree, there are more constructive ways to express your POV. Respectful people understand that everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and feelings, even if they’re the polar opposite of your own. They might say something like, “I see things a bit differently,” or “I’m curious to hear more about your perspective.” This actually encourages an open and honest conversation, rather than shutting it down with a dismissive remark.
2. “You’re wrong.”
This seems so harsh and condescending, and it puts the other person on the defensive and makes them feel like they have to prove themselves. Respectful people understand that there are often multiple valid perspectives on any given issue. They might say something like, “I respectfully disagree,” or “I have a different take on this.” This at least acknowledges where the other person is coming from, while also asserting your own stance, which then creates a more balanced exchange.
3. “You always…” or “You never…”
Using absolute language like “always” or “never” is rarely accurate, and it usually exaggerates the situation. It can also make the other person feel attacked and defensive, Psychology Today notes. Respectful people avoid making sweeping generalizations and instead focus on specific behaviours or situations. They might say something like, “I’ve noticed that you tend to…”, or “In this particular instance, I felt like…” This is so much more specific and less accusatory, which means you’re likely to get a more receptive audience.
4. “It’s not a big deal.”
Just because something isn’t a big deal to you doesn’t mean it’s not to someone else, and claiming that is emotional invalidation. Respectful people acknowledge that everyone experiences and processes things differently and doesn’t try to belittle a different take, even if they don’t fully understand where the other person is coming from. They might say something like, “I can see why you’re upset,” or “It sounds like this is really important to you.” This shows empathy and understanding, and it helps to build trust and connection.
5. “I told you so.”
Nobody likes a know-it-all, and saying “I told you so” is the ultimate way to rub it in. It’s condescending, gloating, and will be of zero help. Respectful people resist the urge to say, “I told you so,” even when they were right all along. They might offer a bit of a pep talk or some helpful feedback (when asked for), but they don’t gloat or make the other person feel worse about their mistake. They know that everyone messes up sometimes (even them!), and they focus on helping people learn and grow from their mistakes.
6. “Calm down.”
Telling someone to “calm down” is obnoxious, and it’s likely to get the complete opposite reaction. When someone is upset or angry, they need to feel heard and understood, not told to suppress their emotions. Respectful people listen patiently, give a bit of advice if the person asks for it, and doesn’t make them feel silly for their feelings. They might say something like, “I can see you’re upset. Tell me what’s going on.” Sometimes all it takes to really calm someone down is to make sure they know you’re listening and really absorbing what they have to say.
7. “You’re overreacting.”
Similar to “calm down,” this just dismisses the other person’s feelings and makes them feel like they’re wrong for feeling the way they do. Again, it’s important to remember that everyone reacts differently to situations, and what might seem like an overreaction to you could be a perfectly normal response for someone else. Respectful people don’t judge people’s emotional responses. Instead, they focus on understanding and supporting them.
8. “Why can’t you be more like…?”
Comparing someone to another person is bound to make them feel inadequate and insecure. It sends the message that they’re not good enough as they are and that they need to change to be more like someone else. Respectful people accept people as-is, flaws and all. They appreciate differences and don’t try to force people into a mould. They might say something like, “I value your unique qualities,” or “I appreciate your perspective.” This kind of affirmation then encourages self-acceptance and lets them know it’s okay to be their true selves.
9. “That’s not my problem.”
This can come across as cold, uncaring, and dismissive. Even if it’s not really your problem, being empathetic can really go a long way in offering comfort and building rapport. Respectful people understand that everyone faces challenges, and they’re willing to lend a helping hand or a listening ear whether it’s their responsibility or not. They might say something like, “Is there anything I can do to help?” or, “I’m here for you if you need to talk.” This shows a willingness to be supportive and shows that they care about other people’s well-being.
10. “You’re so sensitive.”
Telling someone they’re “too sensitive” is a classic way to invalidate their feelings and make them feel like they’re overreacting. Emotions are complex and personal, and no two people process or experience them in the same way. What might seem like a minor issue to you could be a major source of stress or anxiety for someone else. Respectful people give the other person space to work through those feelings in a judgment-free zone. They might say something like, “I can see that this is upsetting you,” or “Tell me more about how you’re feeling.” This creates a safe space for open communication, which is rare but so needed.
11. “You should be ashamed of yourself.”
Shame is a powerful and destructive emotion, Psych Central warns. It can lead to feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy, and self-loathing. Respectful people understand the impact of shame, and they wouldn’t dream of using it as a weapon. Instead, they focus on constructive feedback and offer support and encouragement. They might say something like, “I know you’re capable of better,” or “Let’s work together to find a solution.” In other words, they focus on growth and improvement, rather than tearing the other person down.
12. “Why are you so dramatic?”
This just minimizes and dismisses the other person’s feelings, making them feel like they’re being irrational or over-the-top. Emotions are a natural part of the human experience, and everyone is entitled to feel and express them. Respectful people might say something like, “It seems like you’re feeling overwhelmed. Is there anything I can do to help?” This shows empathy and a willingness to support the other person through their emotional experience.
13. “You make me so angry.”
Blaming other people for your feelings/reactions is a sign of emotional immaturity and a lack of personal responsibility. We’re all grown adults, and we’re all responsible for our own feelings. It’s not fair to project our anger or frustration onto other people. Respectful people take ownership of their emotions and express them in a healthy and constructive way. They might say something like, “I’m feeling frustrated right now,” or “I need a moment to cool down.” It really is that simple.
14. “You’re lucky I put up with you.”
This is condescending, manipulative, and emotionally abusive. It implies that the other person is somehow unworthy of love or respect, and that they should be grateful for your presence in their life, and that’s ridiculous. Respectful people value and appreciate the people in their lives, and they wouldn’t dream of making them feel like they’re lucky to be tolerated.
15. “Shut up.”
This is one of the most disrespectful and hurtful things you can say to someone. It’s a blatant attempt to silence them (obviously) and disregard their thoughts and feelings. Respectful people value direct communication and encourage people to express themselves freely. They might disagree with what someone has to say, but they would never tell them to “shut up.” They understand that everyone has the right to be heard and that silencing someone is a form of aggression.
16. “I don’t care.”
This shows a real lack of empathy and a disregard for the other person’s feelings. It’s a cold and dismissive response that can leave the other person feeling hurt and unimportant. Respectful people show genuine interest in other people’s lives and experiences. Again, they might not always agree with everything someone says, but they would never dismiss their feelings or concerns with a simple “I don’t care.”
