Some people are… not great at handling emotions — their own or anyone else’s.
They’re not necessarily trying to be hurtful or dismissive, but some of the things they say can come across as out of touch or insensitive. If you’ve ever felt like someone just didn’t “get it,” chances are they’re a bit emotionally tone-deaf. You’ll know that’s the case because these phrases will be a pretty regular part of their vocabulary.
1. “You’ll get over it.”
This might sound encouraging, but it really just brushes off your feelings. When someone says this, it can feel like they’re trivialising your pain, as if it’s no big deal, and you’ll just snap out of it. It makes you feel like your struggle is temporary and unimportant, when in reality, it’s something you need space to process and deal with. Sometimes, all you need is someone to say, “I’m sorry you’re going through this,” instead of making it sound like it’s no big deal.
2. “Calm down.”
Source: Unsplash Few things will make you feel less calm than being told to “calm down.” This is often more about trying to shut you up than actually understanding what’s going on. It implies that your feelings are out of control, which only adds to your frustration. Instead of helping, it can make you feel even more dismissed and unheard.
3. “I know exactly how you feel.”
While this might sound like a comforting phrase, unless someone has been through the exact same thing as you, it can feel dismissive. It shifts the focus onto them and their experiences instead of staying with your emotions. Sometimes, it’s better to just say, “I can’t imagine how you feel, but I’m here for you.” This shows empathy without assuming you feel the same way they might.
4. “It could be worse.”
While perspective can be helpful at times, this makes it seem like your feelings aren’t valid because someone else might be going through something worse. It’s not about comparing pain — every person’s struggle is real, no matter how big or small. Instead of making you feel grateful for your suffering, it feels like you’re being told to shut up and accept it because things could always be worse.
5. “Just be positive!”
While trying to stay positive is great advice in the right context, telling someone who’s struggling to “just be positive” can feel like an emotional shutdown. It makes it seem like your feelings are a choice, and you should just flip a switch to feel better. Real emotions don’t work that way — they need time, space, and understanding, not a forced smile.
6. “You’re being too sensitive.”
When someone tells you that you’re “too sensitive,” it minimises your emotions and makes it seem like you’re the problem, not the situation. This invalidates what you’re feeling and makes you feel embarrassed or like you’re overreacting. It doesn’t acknowledge the validity of your feelings and instead shifts the blame onto you for having them.
7. “That’s not a big deal.”
What may seem small to someone else could be huge to you, and this brushes off what’s important to you. It makes you feel silly for caring about something that’s significant in your life. Instead of dismissing your experience, a better response would be to listen, ask why it matters, and try to understand your perspective.
8. “You shouldn’t feel that way.”
This is one of those phrases that completely invalidates how you’re feeling. It tells you that your emotions are wrong or inappropriate, even though feelings can’t always be controlled or explained. Instead of helping you work through your feelings, it just makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong for having them.
9. “I don’t see what the problem is.”
When someone says this, it shows a lack of effort to understand your feelings. It comes across as dismissive, like they don’t care enough to put themselves in your shoes. Instead of acknowledging your concerns, they ignore them, which can leave you feeling like your emotions don’t matter at all.
10. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
This completely dismisses your experience and makes you feel like you’re blowing things out of proportion. It’s not about whether the situation is big or small; it’s about how you feel and the fact that you’re asking for understanding. Instead of making you feel heard, this makes you feel like your concerns don’t matter.
11. “That’s just life.”
Life definitely has its challenges, but saying “that’s just life” offers no comfort or validation for what you’re going through. It makes it seem like your struggles are just something you need to accept and get over. Instead of providing support, it makes you feel like your feelings are unimportant or naïve.
12. “Other people have it worse.”
While it’s important to have perspective, comparing your struggles to someone else’s can make you feel guilty for even having a hard time. Your pain is still valid, no matter what anyone else is going through. Telling you that other people are worse off doesn’t help you heal; it just makes you feel like you shouldn’t be upset.
13. “Don’t be so dramatic.”
This is one of those phrases that dismisses your emotions as over-the-top. It makes you feel like you’re being overly sensitive or attention-seeking, even when you’re just expressing genuine feelings. Instead of offering support, it shuts down the conversation and makes you feel bad for having a response in the first place.
14. “You’re fine.”
This might be meant to reassure you, but it often feels more like a dismissal of your struggles. When you’re upset, hearing “you’re fine” makes it seem like your feelings don’t matter or that you’re just overreacting. It’s frustrating when what you really need is someone to acknowledge your feelings and let you process them.
15. “It’s all in your head.”
This invalidates your emotions by implying that they aren’t real or legitimate. Whether your struggles are mental or emotional, they’re still valid. Telling you that it’s “all in your head” can make you feel misunderstood and unsupported, when what you really need is empathy and understanding.
16. “You should just let it go.”
Letting go can be a healthy goal, but this often feels like an order to stop feeling, not a supportive suggestion. It dismisses the fact that processing emotions takes time and can’t be rushed. Instead of feeling encouraged, you might just feel like you’re being judged for still being upset.
