Positive affirmations are a pretty common suggestion for feeling better about yourself, but for a lot of people, they don’t actually work.
After all, constantly repeating things you don’t believe isn’t exactly going to send your confidence through the roof, is it? That’s not to say that there aren’t plenty of people who benefit from them, but for the more sceptical among us, affirmations aren’t really the answer. If you want to increase your self-esteem without overly positive and flowery adages, here are some more concrete actions you can take.
1. Start doing things you’re good at.
We all have talents, skills, or hobbies that make us feel capable and accomplished. Whether it’s cooking a great meal, painting, or organising the house, prioritise activities that bring out your strengths. It doesn’t have to be something big—just the simple things that make you feel good. The more you succeed in these small tasks, the more confidence you’ll build. It’s all about feeling proud of what you’re doing, not necessarily being the best at it. Even spending just 10 minutes a day doing something you’re good at can really make a difference over time.
2. Stop comparing yourself to other people, for goodness’ sake.
Ah, social media. It can make it feel like everyone else has their life perfectly together. The problem is, those “highlight reels” rarely show the full picture. Constantly comparing yourself to other people is a confidence killer. Instead, focus on your own journey. Progress looks different for everyone, so stop measuring yourself against other people’s timelines. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small they may seem. Trust me, your journey is yours alone, and it’s worth recognising every step you take.
3. Challenge your inner critic more often.
That little voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough? It’s time to challenge it. When negative thoughts pop up, take a step back and ask yourself: are these thoughts really true, or are they just things you’ve accepted as fact? Reframing your thoughts takes practice, but it’s powerful. For example, instead of thinking “I’m terrible at this,” try shifting it to “I’m learning, and I’ll get better with time.” Be a bit nicer to yourself — it really makes a difference, one thought at a time.
4. Set realistic goals (and celebrate small wins).
Big goals can feel like mountains to climb, but when you break them down into smaller, more manageable steps, they become way less intimidating. Every time you tick off a step, you get a little confidence boost from seeing your progress. Whether it’s something as simple as drinking more water or finally finishing a work project, take the time to celebrate your achievements. Acknowledging those small wins reminds you that you are capable and moving forward.
5. Surround yourself with supportive people.
The people you hang around have a huge influence on how you see yourself. Choose to spend your time with people who encourage and support you, not those who leave you feeling drained or questioning your worth. Supportive friends and family are invaluable, especially when you’re struggling to see your value. A good friend cheering you on or offering a simple word of encouragement can give you the confidence boost you need on a tough day.
6. Learn something new.
Learning something new might sound intimidating at first, but it’s a brilliant way to boost your self-esteem. Whether it’s a new skill, a language, or just a hobby you’ve been curious about, stepping out of your comfort zone shows you that you’re capable of growth. Don’t focus on perfection — just prove to yourself that you can learn, adapt, and improve. The satisfaction that comes from mastering something new is a huge confidence-builder.
7. Focus on things within your control.
It’s so easy to worry about things you can’t change, but that only drains your energy. Instead, focus on what you can control: your effort, your attitude, and how you respond to challenges. When you start taking charge of what’s within your power, you’ll realise that you have more control over your life than you think. It’s not about solving everything at once; it’s about recognising the small ways you can improve your situation.
8. Practise self-compassion.
We’re often our own harshest critics, aren’t we? But practising self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer to a friend. Acknowledge your struggles without beating yourself up for them. We all face setbacks, but that doesn’t mean we should let them define us. Being kind to yourself during tough moments helps you move forward, rather than staying stuck in self-criticism.
9. Get active.
Exercise is more than just staying fit — it’s a fantastic mood booster. Whether it’s a brisk walk, a yoga class, or just a dance-off in your living room, getting your body moving can boost your confidence and energy. It doesn’t have to be a full-on workout session to feel the benefits. Even a few minutes of physical activity can help you feel better about yourself and your day.
10. Do some decluttering.
Source: Unsplash Clutter in your space often leads to clutter in your mind. Taking some time to tidy up your environment can give you a sense of control and make you feel accomplished. Start small: clear off your desk, organise your kitchen drawer, or tidy up your bedside table. These little wins in your physical space can translate into a clearer, calmer mental space.
11. Put your phone down and engage with the world around you.
Spending too much time on your phone or social media can actually lower your confidence. It’s easy to get sucked into scrolling through other people’s lives, but it’s not healthy. Give yourself breaks from screens to reconnect with the real world. Use that time for something fulfilling, like reading, journaling, or spending time with loved ones. Disconnecting can help you focus on what really matters and boost your well-being.
12. Acknowledge your strengths.
Take time to reflect on what you’re good at — you know, your unique talents, skills, and qualities. Writing them down can help you see your strengths more clearly. Acknowledging your strengths doesn’t mean ignoring your weaknesses; it’s about creating balance. Appreciate what makes you special and what you bring to the table. When you focus on your positives, it’s easier to accept the areas where you can improve.
13. Help someone else.
Doing something kind for someone else can work wonders for your self-esteem. Whether it’s volunteering, offering a helping hand to a friend, or just being a good listener, acts of kindness make you feel valued. It’s a reminder that you’re making a difference and that you matter. You don’t have to do big things. Sometimes, the smallest gestures can have the biggest impact on both other people and yourself.
14. Don’t forget about self-care.
Self-care isn’t just about bubble baths or face masks (though those are great!). It’s about prioritising yourself, whether that’s taking a break from a stressful situation, getting enough rest, or nourishing your body with good food. When you take care of yourself, it’s a powerful way to show that you value yourself. Self-care is about recognising your own needs and meeting them, no guilt involved.
15. Reflect on your progress.
It’s easy to focus on where you want to be and forget how far you’ve already come. Take a moment to look back and reflect on your growth, whether in your career, relationships, or personal development. Reflecting on how you’ve handled challenges can remind you of your strength and resilience. Progress isn’t always a straight line, but that doesn’t mean it’s not happening.
16. Surround yourself with positivity.
The things you surround yourself with — whether it’s the media you consume, the people you interact with, or the thoughts you entertain — affect how you view yourself. Create an environment that uplifts and inspires you. Curating a positive space doesn’t mean ignoring the negative, but it’s about choosing to protect your energy and make room for things that encourage growth, joy, and appreciation.
