Narcissists see the world through an extremely distorted lens, and as a result, some of their beliefs are pretty out there.
The things they think about the world around them and the people in their lives are ridiculous at best and downright dangerous at worst, but don’t tell them that — they won’t listen. One of the most messed-up ideas they have is that the people they victimise are actually obsessed with them. Yes, really.
1. They interpret any emotional reaction as undying devotion.
If you show any kind of strong feeling — anger, frustration, or even fear — a narcissist’s brain will twist that and think, “Aw, they must really care.” In their minds, it proves you’re deeply emotionally invested. It doesn’t matter whether it’s negative attention or positive — the fact that you’re reacting at all proves to them that they’re special, and that’s all they care about.
2. They see attempts at closure as desperate pleas for reconnection.
Source: Unsplash When you finally get the strength to walk away from a narcissist, don’t bother looking for an explanation or trying to get closure. If you do, they’ll take it as your attempt to rekindle the relationship because you just can’t bear to be away from them. Delusional but true.
3. They think their ‘grand gestures’ leave an indelible mark.
One of a narcissist’s signature moves is love-bombing, so over the top gestures like big gifts, lavish holidays, and intense declarations of their affection for you are common (even if they are all tools of manipulation). Even when you see through them, they’re still convinced that they’re so charming that you would never be able to forget or walk away from their romantic odes.
4. They project their own obsessive tendencies onto you.
Because narcissists tend to obsess over things, they assume everyone else is the same, including you. They won’t be able to let you walk away easily, so in their head, you’re in the same boat — thinking about them constantly, wondering what they’re up to, and dying to get in touch. How wrong they are!
5. They misinterpret your trauma responses as signs of lingering attachment.
Life after narcissistic abuse is tough, and it can leave you with some complex trauma. You might have intrusive thoughts, trust issues, or become hypervigilant. This is clearly a response to what the narcissist put you through, but in their head, you’re so affected because you still love and care for them.
6. They assume their ‘superior qualities’ make them impossible to replace.
Because narcissists truly believe they’re better than anyone else, they can’t fathom that you would ever move on from them, or that you could be happy with someone else. They think they’re the best the world has to offer, so naturally, you’d want to stay with them forever, right?
7. They misread your self-protective behaviours as tactics to regain their attention.
Anything you do to rid yourself of the narcissist’s presence in your life, they see as an attempt to reach out. If you block them on social media, avoid the local coffee spot you used to frequent, or stop hanging out with mutual friends, they see these things as moves to get their attention rather than actions you’re taking to protect yourself and heal.
8. They confuse your healing process with pining for the relationship.
If you go to therapy, join a support group, or do other things to process what you went through with the narcissist, they see this as a sign that you’re missing them and are desperate for what you once had. They don’t imagine that you’re trying to move on from them — they see these things as you being stuck in place.
9. They see your newfound boundaries as a challenge to overcome.
Because they ‘won you over’ once, narcissists believe that the boundaries you set are just you playing hard to get. As such, they take it as a challenge, truly convincing themselves that you want them to bulldoze over the limits you set so that you can resume your relationship. This is harmful and scary, to say the least.
10. They mistake your desire for justice as a cry for attention.
If things got so bad in your narcissistic relationship that you need to pursue legal action, don’t expect them to be remorseful. You want justice, but they assume you just want their attention because you’re hurt over the fact that you’re no longer together.
11. They conflate your trauma bonding with genuine affection.
Trauma bonding is what happens when someone develops a strong emotional tie to their abuser, and this is common in narcissistic relationships. It’s extremely unhealthy, but the narcissist doesn’t see it that way — they just think you’re generally loyal to them and love them deeply. You might do, but it’s not the kind of love anyone wants to celebrate.
12. They assume their gaslighting tactics have created permanent confusion.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists love to use gaslighting to make their victims doubt their sanity, so you were no doubt on the receiving end of this behaviour many times. They think that they’re so good at what they do that you’ll permanently question your own judgement and remain vulnerable to their tricks. How wrong they are!
13. They misinterpret your attempts to understand narcissism as obsession with them personally.
After you get out of a relationship with a narcissist, it’s only natural that you want to understand what causes this personality type and what the warning signs are so that you can avoid it in the future. However, they see it as you being obsessed with them and wanting to know everything about them because you can’t let them go.
14. They believe their love-bombing phase created an unbreakable emotional dependency.
Because the narcissist went so over the top with love-bombing, they think that you’ll want to stay with them forever, since surely no one else will ever offer the same level of romance and devotion that they did during that phase of your relationship.
15. They misread your anger as a sign of lingering passion.
Source: Unsplash You’re furious because of the hurt and shame they put you through, but the narcissist sees your fury as passion for them and your relationship as a whole. You can’t stand the sight of them, but they don’t see things that way.
16. They assume their perceived ‘specialness’ makes them immune to being forgotten.
Source: Unsplash You can and will move on from the narcissist, but they definitely won’t believe it. They think they were a central figure in your life, to the point that you’ll never truly be able to move on. Prove them wrong!
