Everyone has feelings, but some people aren’t that great at, well, feeling them.
A lot of us tend to brush our emotions under the carpet, especially when they’re a bit too intense or unpleasant to work through. Of course, that rarely works out very well in the long run — in fact, they’re likely to just get worse. Could you be under-feeling your emotions? If you do these things, the answer is definitely YES.
1. You’re always “fine”.
If your go-to response to “How are you?” is always “fine” or “okay”, you might be glazing over your true feelings. It’s normal to have ups and downs, so if you’re constantly neutral, you might be suppressing something. Maybe try checking in with yourself more often — are you really fine, or is there more going on under the surface?
2. You struggle to name your emotions.
When someone asks how you feel about something, do you draw a blank? If you find it hard to put your finger on what you’re feeling, it could be a sign you’re out of touch with your emotions. It might help to spend some time each day trying to label your feelings — even if it’s just “annoyed” or “content”.
3. You’re always the “rational” one.
Being level-headed is great, but if you’re always the one talking everyone else down from their feelings, you might be neglecting your own. It’s possible to be both rational and emotional. Maybe next time, try acknowledging your feelings before jumping straight to problem-solving mode.
4. Physical symptoms pop up out of nowhere.
Ever get headaches, stomach aches, or muscle tension that you can’t explain? Sometimes, when we don’t process our emotions, they show up in our bodies instead. If you’re getting mystery aches and pains, it might be worth exploring what feelings you might be ignoring.
5. You avoid confrontation and conflict at all costs.
If the thought of a confrontation makes you want to run for the hills, you might be under-feeling. It’s natural to want to avoid unpleasant situations, but if you’re never standing up for yourself, you might be pushing down some important emotions. Try starting small — express a minor disagreement and see how it feels.
6. You’re always busy.
Keeping yourself constantly occupied can be a way of avoiding feelings. If you’re always on the go and never take time to just be, you might be using busyness as a shield. Try scheduling some downtime — it might feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s a chance to check in with yourself.
7. You have an extremely short fuse.
Ironically, under-feeling can sometimes lead to overreacting. If you find yourself snapping at small things, it might be because you’re not dealing with bigger emotions. Those suppressed feelings have to come out somewhere, right? Next time you feel irritated, take a minute to ask if there’s something deeper going on.
8. You struggle with empathy.
If you find it hard to understand or connect with other people’s feelings, it might be because you’re disconnected from your own. Empathy often starts with self-awareness. Try tuning into your own feelings more — it might help you connect better with other people’s, too.
9. You use humour to deflect.
Source: Unsplash Don’t get me wrong, a good laugh is great, but if you’re cracking jokes to avoid serious topics or genuine emotions, you might be using humour as a shield. It’s okay to be serious sometimes — your feelings deserve airtime too.
10. You’re always “strong”.
Being strong is admirable, but if you never let yourself be vulnerable, you might be suppressing your emotions. Real strength includes acknowledging when you’re not okay. It’s alright to let your guard down sometimes — it doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.
11. You overthink everything.
Source: Unsplash If you’re constantly in your head, analysing every little thing, you might be avoiding feeling your emotions. Sometimes we use logic to avoid facing our feelings. Try to notice when you’re overthinking and ask yourself what you’re feeling instead of what you’re thinking.
12. You have a hard time making decisions.
Source: Unsplash Struggling to make choices, even small ones, can be a sign you’re disconnected from your feelings. Our emotions often guide our decisions. If you’re always on the fence, try tuning into your gut feeling — what do you really want?
13. You binge-watch TV or scroll endlessly.
Source: Unsplash Using screens as a distraction is common, but if you’re constantly zoning out in front of the telly or your phone, you might be avoiding your emotions. Try setting some screen-free time each day to check in with yourself.
14. You have trouble sleeping.
Tossing and turning at night? Unprocessed emotions can keep us up. If you’re having sleep troubles, it might be worth exploring what’s on your mind before bed. Maybe try journaling to get those thoughts and feelings out.
15. You struggle with intimacy.
If you find it hard to open up or connect with people on a deep level, it could be because you’re not fully connected with yourself. Intimacy requires vulnerability, which means being in touch with your emotions. Start small — try sharing a genuine feeling with someone you trust.
16. You feel numb or empty sometimes.
Feeling nothing can actually be a feeling in itself — and often a sign that you’re suppressing other emotions. If you sometimes feel like you’re just going through the motions, it might be time to dig a little deeper. What’s hiding under that numbness?
