Not every apology feels like enough, and you don’t have to force yourself to accept one just because someone wants you to.
Maybe the apology feels rushed, maybe the damage is too deep, or maybe you just need more time to process your emotions. That’s okay! Either way, setting boundaries around forgiveness doesn’t make you “difficult”; it just means you’re being honest about where you’re at. If you’re not ready to move past something, here are some ways to respond without shutting the conversation down, but also without pretending you’re fine when you’re not.
1. “I hear you, but I need time to process this.”
Sometimes, an apology comes before you’ve even had time to figure out how you feel. If emotions are still fresh or the situation is complicated, it’s completely fair to take a step back. You don’t have to give an answer just because they’re ready for one. Letting them know you need time takes the pressure off and stops you from making a decision you’re not ready for. If they genuinely care about fixing things, they’ll give you space without pushing you to move on too fast.
2. “I appreciate the apology, but I’m still hurt.”
Just because someone apologises doesn’t mean the problem disappears. If their behaviour hurt you, it’s okay to acknowledge that you’re not over it yet. Saying this keeps things honest, while making it clear that their apology doesn’t automatically reset things. Some people assume that saying sorry is enough, but healing takes time. If they really mean it, they’ll understand that you might not be able to move past it instantly.
3. “I need to see a change, not just hear an apology.”
Apologising is easy, but changing behaviour takes effort. If it’s not the first time they’ve hurt you in the same way, this makes it clear that words aren’t enough anymore. You need proof that they’re serious about doing better. Real accountability means taking action, not just saying the right things in the moment. If they want to rebuild trust, they’ll show it through what they do, not just what they say.
4. “I hear your apology, but I’m not ready to move on yet.”
There’s no rule that says you have to accept an apology the second it’s given. If you’re still working through how you feel, you’re allowed to take your time. Moving on before you’re ready can just make things worse later. This lets them know that you’re not rejecting them, but you’re also not going to pretend everything is fine before you’re truly okay.
5. “I need more than an apology — I need accountability.”
Some people say sorry just to smooth things over, without actually taking responsibility. If their apology feels like a way to avoid real consequences, this reminds them that accountability matters more than just saying the right words. Taking accountability means owning up to what they did, understanding why it hurt, and doing something to make sure it doesn’t happen again. If they’re not willing to do that, their apology doesn’t mean much.
6. “I’m not ready to have this conversation right now.”
Just because they’re ready to apologise doesn’t mean you have to be ready to talk about it. If you need time to process things or just aren’t in the right headspace, that’s completely okay. Taking space doesn’t mean you’re avoiding the issue—it just means you want to handle it when you’re actually ready. If they respect you, they’ll give you that time instead of trying to force a conversation before you’re ready.
7. “I feel like you’re apologising just to move past this, not because you actually understand why I’m upset.”
A rushed apology can feel more like damage control than genuine regret. If it seems like they just want to make the problem go away rather than actually taking responsibility, this one calls them out on it. A real apology isn’t just about getting forgiveness; it’s about actually understanding what went wrong. If they’re not willing to talk about that, they might not be as sorry as they say they are.
8. “Thanks for apologising, but I need some time to figure out how I feel.”
Sometimes, you’re not sure if you’re ready to forgive, and that’s okay. Apologies don’t always come at the right moment, and when you’re still processing everything, it’s better to take your time than rush into a reaction. If you’re still sorting through your emotions, you don’t owe anyone an immediate response. This lets them know that you hear them, but you’re not going to force yourself to accept something before you’re ready. If they genuinely care, they’ll respect that and allow you the space to work through things at your own pace.
9. “I get that you’re sorry, but that doesn’t undo what happened.”
Apologies can be sincere, but they don’t erase what’s already been done. If their actions caused real hurt, disappointment, or even long-term consequences, it’s important to acknowledge that an apology alone isn’t a magic fix. Just because they’re ready to move forward doesn’t mean you have to be. By saying this, you’re making it clear that words alone don’t instantly solve the issue. If they truly regret what they did, they should focus on making things right, beyond just saying sorry.
10. “I’m still processing everything, so I don’t have a response right now.”
Not every apology requires an immediate answer. If something serious has happened, it’s completely fair to take a step back and think before deciding how you really feel. Sometimes, emotions are too raw in the moment, and forcing yourself to respond too soon can lead to saying something you don’t fully mean. This says that you’re not ignoring their apology, but you’re also not going to react under pressure. Giving yourself time ensures that when you do respond, it’s coming from a place of clarity rather than being rushed into forgiveness.
11. “I don’t feel like I can trust you right now.”
Trust takes time to build, but can be broken in an instant. If their actions have damaged the trust you had in them, an apology alone isn’t going to restore it overnight. This acknowledges that, while they may regret what happened, you’re not at a place where you can fully believe in their words just yet. If they genuinely want to make amends, they’ll put in the effort to rebuild that trust instead of expecting things to go back to normal immediately. Rebuilding relationships takes consistency, not just a single moment of apology.
12. “Saying sorry is one thing, but what are you going to do differently?”
If this isn’t the first time they’ve apologised for the same behaviour, you need more than just words. A repeated pattern of hurt followed by an apology that leads nowhere can be exhausting, and this challenges them to prove that they’re serious about changing. Actions always speak louder than words. This points out that if they truly want forgiveness, they need to take responsibility beyond just saying they’re sorry. If they struggle to answer this question, it might be a sign that they’re not actually committed to changing their behaviour.
13. “I’m not ready to forgive, but I’ll let you know when I am.”
Forgiveness is personal, and you’re allowed to take as much time as you need. Some people think an apology should lead to instant forgiveness, but that’s not always realistic—especially when the hurt runs deep. This lets them know that while you’re not saying “never,” you also won’t be rushed into anything before you’re ready. If they truly respect your feelings, they’ll understand that forgiveness has to happen on your terms, not just because they want to move on. Real healing takes time, and that’s something only you can determine.
14. “I respect that you apologised, but I still need time to heal.”
Even when an apology is genuine, that doesn’t mean everything is suddenly okay. Emotional healing isn’t instant, and if the situation has left a lasting impact, it’s completely reasonable to need time to work through it. Some people assume that once they’ve apologised, everything should go back to how it was, but that’s not how healing works. By saying this, you’re reinforcing that you appreciate their effort, but you’re also prioritising your own emotional well-being. If they really care about making things right, they’ll give you the time you need instead of expecting immediate closure.
