When you finally work up the courage to call a narcissist out, the response is rarely contrite or apologetic.
Instead of owning up to their bad behaviour and showing any kind of willingness to make any changes, they tend to be almost resentful of the insinuation that there’s anything wrong with them in the first place. Chances are, you’ll hear one or more of these ridiculous responses.
1. “I guess I’m just a terrible person then.”
The moment you bring up something specific they did, out comes the dramatic self-pity. They’ll slump their shoulders, put on their victim voice, and go straight for emotional manipulation. They’re hoping you’ll backtrack and spend the next hour reassuring them instead of addressing their actual behaviour. Within minutes, you’ll find yourself comforting the person who hurt you.
2. “Do you even remember what you did last month?”
Rather than acknowledge what you’re saying, they’ll mysteriously recall that time you allegedly messed up six months ago. Or that thing from two years ago. Or your mistake from childhood. The timeline keeps shifting backwards until you’re somehow defending yourself for something that happened in primary school. Suddenly, you’re explaining why you broke their favourite toy when you were seven.
3. “You’ve been talking to your mother again, haven’t you?”
They’ll instantly try to figure out who “poisoned” you against them. Someone must have put these thoughts in your head because obviously, you couldn’t have formed your own opinions. Your friends, family, therapist — anyone who supports you becomes their enemy. They’ll create an entire conspiracy theory about how the world is turning against them.
4. “If you think that’s bad, you should see how they treat me at work.”
Suddenly, they’re sharing stories about how everyone else mistreats them. Their boss is mean, their coworkers are jealous, their neighbours are hostile. Before you know it, an hour has passed and your original complaint is buried under their tales of victimhood. You’ve gone from confronting them to nodding sympathetically about their awful colleague Steve.
5. “Well, I didn’t mean it like that.”
The classic backpedal. They’ll claim you misunderstood their intention, even when their words were crystal clear. That insult? Just a joke. That cruel comment? You took it wrong. That direct criticism? You’re not remembering it correctly. By the end, you’re questioning if they even said anything at all.
6. “I do everything for you and this is what I get?”
Watch them pull out their mental scorecard of every nice thing they’ve ever done. That time they drove you to the airport becomes proof that they’re a saint. Basic human decency gets transformed into epic sacrifices that you’re apparently ungrateful for. One basic favour from three years ago apparently buys them unlimited bad behaviour forever.
7. “At least I’m not like your ex.”
They’ll immediately compare themselves to someone who treated you worse, as if that excuses their behaviour. Your past trauma becomes their get-out-of-jail-free card. They’re not gaslighting you — they’re just “more honest” than your ex. Your past pain becomes their favourite weapon against you.
8. “You know what your problem is?”
Rather than address their behaviour, they’ll launch into a detailed analysis of your character flaws. Somehow, your reaction to their actions becomes the real issue. They’ve got a PhD in turning tables. Before you know it, you’re defending your entire personality instead of discussing what they did.
9. “Fine, I’m just never going to speak again.”
Out comes the extreme response. They’ll threaten to completely withdraw, hoping you’ll panic and drop the subject. Some will actually give you the silent treatment for days, making you pay for daring to confront them. The silence becomes louder than any shouting match could ever be.
10. “Why are you bringing this up now?”
Source: Unsplash The timing is always wrong. Bring it up immediately? You’re too emotional. Wait a bit? You’re holding grudges. There’s never a “right” time to discuss their behaviour. The perfect moment to address their actions exists somewhere between never and not now.
11. “You’re just jealous of my success.”
Source: Unsplash They’ll try to psychoanalyse your motives, suggesting you’re actually jealous, insecure, or resentful of them. Your valid concerns get dismissed as personal shortcomings. Even your most genuine feelings become twisted into proof of your supposed inadequacies.
12. “I never said those exact words.”
Source: Unsplash They’ll focus on technicalities instead of the impact of their actions. Since they didn’t use those precise words, they’ll claim innocence — completely ignoring the hurt their message caused. They’ll argue about semantics until you forget what the original issue was even about.
13. “You’re getting way too worked up about this.”
Source: Unsplash The moment you show any emotion, they’ll use it against you. Your totally reasonable reaction becomes proof that you’re “unstable” or “too emotional to discuss this rationally.” Your raised voice becomes more important than their raised hand.
14. “I’m done with this conversation.”
Source: Unsplash When all else fails, they’ll simply shut down the discussion. They’ll walk away, hang up, or simply refuse to engage further — leaving you standing there with your valid concerns unaddressed. The conversation ends not when it’s resolved, but when they decide they’re finished with it.
15. “Everyone else thinks you’re being ridiculous.”
Source: Unsplash They’ll invent an invisible jury of people who apparently all agree with them. These mysterious “others” all think you’re overreacting, even though they’ve never actually discussed it with anyone else. Their imaginary supporters always outnumber your real ones.
16. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Source: Unsplash The classic non-apology. Notice how they’re not sorry for what they did — they’re just sorry about your feelings. They’ve managed to sound apologetic while taking zero responsibility for their actions. It’s the verbal equivalent of a shrug wrapped in fake sympathy.
