Most people aren’t born with loads of confidence, but trying to navigate the world without it can lead to some pretty disastrous results.
When you don’t back yourself, you end up doing some uncharacteristic things that undermine your credibility and make you look a bit desperate, even when you’re ready not. Here are some cringeworthy things you might be doing because you lack self-assurance.
1. You laugh at every joke, even when it’s not funny.
Someone cracks a joke that falls flat, but you find yourself chuckling anyway. You might think you’re being polite, but overdoing it can make you seem insincere or desperate for approval. It’s okay to let a dud joke slide without forcing a laugh, you know.
2. You apologise for everything, even when it’s not your fault.
Did someone bump into you? “Sorry!” Disagree with a friend? “Sorry, but…” Constant apologies make you seem like you’re unsure of yourself and your place in the world. It’s important to be polite, of course, but apologising for your very existence isn’t. Try replacing some of those “sorrys” with “thank you” instead. You’ll be surprised at how much more confident you’ll sound.
3. You’re always available, no matter what.
Got plans? You’ll cancel them. Working late? You’ll leave early. While being reliable is great, always dropping everything for others can make you seem like you have no life of your own. It’s okay to have boundaries and commitments. People respect those who value their own time.
4. You fish for compliments.
“This outfit looks terrible on me, doesn’t it?” or “I’m sure my presentation was rubbish.” If you find yourself making self-deprecating comments in hopes that others will contradict you, you’re fishing for compliments, and it often backfires, making people uncomfortable rather than supportive. Try to accept compliments graciously when they come, rather than angling for them.
5. You pretend to like everything other people like.
Suddenly, you’re a huge fan of that obscure band your crush mentioned once, or you’ve developed a passion for cricket because your new friends are into it. While having common interests is great, pretending to like things you don’t is transparent and can make you seem inauthentic. It’s okay to have your own tastes and preferences.
6. You overshare personal information too quickly.
Source: Unsplash The first date is the perfect time to share your entire life story, right? Wrong. Dumping your personal history or deepest secrets on people too soon can be overwhelming. It can come across as a bid for sympathy or a lack of social awareness.
7. You’re constantly looking for reassurance.
Source: Unsplash “Are you sure you want to hang out with me?” “Did I do okay in that meeting?” While it’s normal to want feedback, constantly looking for reassurance can be exhausting for the people around you. It makes it look like you don’t trust their initial responses or your own judgement.
8. You agree with everyone, even when your opinions are totally different.
In a group discussion, you find yourself nodding along with everyone, even when people express views you really don’t agree with. Being a social chameleon might seem like a way to avoid drama, but it can make you look wishy-washy or lacking in conviction.
9. You put yourself down to seem humble.
“Oh, it was nothing” or “Anyone could have done it” in response to praise might seem humble, but constant self-deprecation can backfire. It can make people question your abilities or feel like they need to constantly build you up. Learn to accept compliments with a simple “thank you” instead of downplaying your achievements.
10. You try too hard to impress everyone.
Name-dropping, exaggerating your accomplishments, or going overboard with grand gestures — these attempts to impress people often have the opposite effect. They can make you seem insecure about your own worth. Genuine connections are built on authenticity, not showmanship.
11. You’re overly clingy in relationships.
Texting non-stop, getting upset over delayed responses, or wanting to spend every waking moment together are behaviours that scream insecurity. While it’s natural to want closeness, respecting boundaries and maintaining your own life outside the relationship is crucial. Clinginess can push people away rather than draw them in.
12. You change your appearance or interests to fit in.
Suddenly dressing differently or taking up new hobbies just to fit in with a certain crowd? While personal growth is great, drastically changing yourself to please other people suggests you’re not comfortable in your own skin. Confidence comes from embracing who you are, quirks and all.
13. You can’t make decisions without consulting everyone.
What to eat, what to wear, which film to watch — if you can’t make these simple decisions without polling your entire social circle, it points to a lack of trust in your own judgement. It’s good to ask for advice on big decisions, but constantly deferring to everyone else on small choices can make you look indecisive and insecure.
14. You obsess over social media likes and followers.
Constantly refreshing your posts to check for likes? Feeling devastated when you lose a follower? This obsession with social media validation can be a sign of low self-esteem. Remember, your worth isn’t determined by your online popularity. Real-life connections and experiences are far more valuable than virtual approval.
15. You’re a people-pleaser to a fault.
Always saying yes, even when you want to say no? Putting everyone else’s needs before your own? While kindness is admirable, constant people-pleasing can make you seem desperate for approval. It’s okay to prioritise your own needs and feelings sometimes. Healthy relationships involve give and take.
16. You compare yourself to other people constantly.
“I wish I was as smart as her” or “He’s so much more successful than me.” If you’re always measuring yourself against other people and coming up short, it shows in your behaviour and attitude, and it can make you look jealous and insecure. Remember, everyone’s journey is different.
