A lot of traditional relationship advice focuses on being on the lookout for red flags in your partner.
However, a little self-awareness is key here, and you’re just as capable of engaging in some sketchy behaviours that make you a less than ideal person to be in a relationship with. If you relate to any of the following, it’s time to get your act together before it’s too late.
1. You constantly need to know your partner’s whereabouts.
Source: Unsplash If you find yourself obsessively checking your partner’s location or demanding constant updates on their activities, it’s a sign of unhealthy control. This behaviour stems from insecurity and lack of trust, which can quickly see your relationship going down the tubes.
2. You use silent treatment as a punishment.
Withdrawing communication as a way to express displeasure or manipulate your partner is emotionally abusive. It creates an atmosphere of uncertainty and anxiety, making it difficult for your partner to address issues or feel secure in the relationship.
3. You make threats to end the relationship during arguments.
Repeatedly threatening to break up during disagreements is a form of emotional blackmail. It keeps your partner in a constant state of insecurity and can prevent them from expressing their true feelings or concerns, fearing the relationship’s end.
4. You refuse to take responsibility for your mistakes.
If you consistently deflect blame or make excuses for your actions, you’re avoiding accountability. This behaviour prevents personal growth and can leave your partner feeling gaslighted or invalidated when they try to address issues with you.
5. You isolate your partner from their friends and family.
Attempting to limit your partner’s social interactions or expressing frequent disapproval of their loved ones is a controlling tactic. It’s often rooted in jealousy or insecurity and can lead to your partner feeling trapped and dependent on you.
6. You snoop through your partner’s personal belongings or digital devices.
Invading your partner’s privacy by going through their phone, emails, or personal items without permission shows a lack of trust and respect for boundaries. This behaviour can severely damage the trust in your relationship.
7. You compare your partner to other people, and not in a nice way.
Constantly measuring your partner against exes, friends, or idealised standards is emotionally damaging. It creates feelings of inadequacy and resentment, undermining your partner’s self-esteem and the relationship’s stability.
8. You dismiss or belittle your partner’s feelings.
If you regularly invalidate your partner’s emotions or tell them they’re overreacting, you’re creating an emotionally unsafe environment. This behaviour discourages open communication and can lead to your partner suppressing their true feelings.
9. You keep score of past mistakes or favours.
Bringing up old arguments or constantly reminding your partner of things you’ve done for them creates an unhealthy balance in the relationship. It suggests you view the relationship as transactional rather than a partnership based on mutual care and support.
10. You make unilateral decisions that affect both of you.
Consistently making important choices without consulting your partner shows a lack of respect for their input and autonomy. This behaviour can make your partner feel unvalued and can lead to resentment over time.
11. You use guilt as a tool to get your way.
Manipulating your partner’s emotions by making them feel guilty for their choices or actions is a form of emotional abuse. It creates an unhealthy dynamic where your partner feels obligated to prioritise your wishes over their own needs or desires.
12. You refuse to discuss or work on relationship issues.
Avoiding serious conversations about problems in your relationship or dismissing your partner’s concerns shows an unwillingness to grow together. This behaviour can lead to unresolved issues festering and eventually damaging the relationship beyond repair.
13. You expect your partner to read your mind.
If you often get upset when your partner doesn’t anticipate your needs or wants without explicit communication, you’re setting unrealistic expectations. This behaviour can lead to frequent misunderstandings and frustration on both sides.
14. You prioritise being right over your partner’s feelings.
Consistently valuing winning arguments over understanding and empathising with your partner’s perspective can create a combative atmosphere. This approach to disagreements can make your partner feel unheard and undervalued.
15. You use your partner’s insecurities against them.
Exploiting your partner’s vulnerabilities or insecurities, whether in arguments or as jokes, is a form of emotional manipulation. It destroys trust and can cause lasting damage to your partner’s self-esteem and the relationship’s foundation.
16. You have different standards for yourself and your partner.
If you hold your partner to rules or expectations that you don’t apply to yourself, you’re creating an unfair dynamic. This double standard can breed resentment and make your partner feel trapped by arbitrary rules that don’t apply equally in the relationship.
