Whether you had a blow-out fight or you’ve just naturally drifted apart, being cut off from your adult children is painful.
No matter who was in the wrong, it’s natural to want to bridge the gap that’s developed between you and hopefully re-establish a healthy relationship. However, doing so is tough. How do you do it? What do you say? While the fear of rejection might be present, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain from making the first move. Here are some low-key ways to re-open the lines of communication with your kids. Good luck!
1. Send a no-pressure text message.
Sometimes the simplest approach works best — a brief “Thinking of you” or “Hope you’re doing well” text can open the door without pushing too hard. Skip the guilt trips, lengthy explanations, or heavy emotions in these initial messages. Think of it as dropping a pebble in a pond rather than making a splash. The key is consistency without expectation — let them know you’re thinking of them without demanding a response.
2. Share old photos without commentary.
Found a fun throwback photo from their childhood soccer game or that beach holiday? Send it along with a simple “Came across this today” message. Avoid adding emotional weight or “remember when” commentary that might feel manipulative. These visual reminders of happier times can spark memories without forcing conversation. Plus, it shows you’re treasuring those moments without using them as emotional leverage.
3. Keep their birthday simple but consistent.
Mark their birthday with a straightforward card or message that doesn’t demand anything in return. Skip the lengthy letters about how much you miss them or wish things were different. Instead, keep it light and genuine — a simple “Happy Birthday, thinking of you today” speaks volumes. The consistency of remembering each year matters more than grand gestures or emotional pleas.
4. Respect their social media boundaries.
If you’re connected on social media, be mindful of your interaction level. Like occasional posts without commenting on everything, and avoid public messages that might make them uncomfortable. Think of social media as their space where you’re a respectful guest. This shows you understand boundaries while still maintaining a gentle presence in their life.
5. Send holiday cards without expectations.
Regular holiday greetings can maintain a thread of connection without pressure. Keep the message light and positive, focusing on sending good wishes rather than highlighting the distance between you. A simple card shows you’re thinking of them during special times while respecting their space. Remember to include your current contact information without asking for theirs.
6. Forward relevant articles or job postings.
If you come across something that aligns with their interests or career field, share it with a simple “Saw this and thought of you.” Keep the focus on their interests rather than your relationship. This shows you still remember and care about what matters to them, while keeping the interaction professional and low-pressure. It’s a way of being helpful without being pushy.
7. Mail occasional care packages.
Small, thoughtful packages with their favourite snacks or practical items can show care without overwhelming them. Skip the sentimental items or guilt-inducing memorabilia — stick to current preferences and useful things. Think practical rather than emotional — their favourite coffee brand or a gift card to a store they like. Include a simple note without expecting a response.
8. Keep special traditions alive from afar.
If you used to have special traditions, find ways to acknowledge them without demanding participation. Maybe you always got them a particular treat for their first day of school — send it around that time with a simple note. This maintains continuity while respecting their current boundaries. It shows you remember what was special without trying to force a return to the past.
9. Share family health updates briefly.
Keep them informed about significant family health news without emotional manipulation. A simple “Wanted you to know that Grandma is having surgery next week” gives them the information without pressure to respond. This respects their right to know about family health while leaving the ball in their court about how to process or act on the information.
10. Acknowledge their accomplishments simply.
When you hear about their achievements through family or social media, send a brief congratulatory message. Keep it short and positive, without adding “wish I could have been there” or similar comments that might create guilt. A simple “Congratulations on your promotion!” shows you’re proud without making demands.
11. Update them about pet news.
If they grew up with family pets, sending occasional updates about them can maintain a connection through shared love of the animals. Keep it light and focused on the pet rather than family dynamics. A quick photo of the dog with their favourite toy or in their old spot can create a moment of connection without pressure.
12. Share family recipes casually.
Source: Unsplash If they enjoyed particular family dishes growing up, send the recipes along without emotional commentary. A simple “Found Mum’s old cookie recipe, thought you might like to have it” opens the door without pushing. This preserves family traditions while respecting their independence. Skip the “remember when we used to bake together” notes and let the recipe speak for itself.
13. Extend open-ended invitations.
Let them know about family events with no pressure to attend. A simple “We’re having a family gathering on [date] if you’d like to come” gives information without expectation. Avoid follow-up messages asking if they’ll attend or expressing disappointment if they don’t. You can maintain their inclusion in family news while respecting their choices.
14. Share brief life updates.
Keep them informed about major life changes without turning it into an emotional appeal. Moving to a new house? Send a simple update with your new address. This keeps communication lines open for practical matters while respecting emotional boundaries. Focus on sharing information rather than looking for a response or reaction.
15. Acknowledge difficult dates respectfully.
Remember dates that might be significant or difficult, like the anniversary of a loss shared by both of you. A simple “Thinking of you today” shows awareness without demanding shared grieving. This acknowledges your connected history while respecting their right to process emotions independently.
16. Express gratitude for small openings.
When they do respond or reach out, keep your response measured and positive. Avoid overwhelming them with excitement or lengthy replies that might feel suffocating. A simple “Thank you for sharing that with me” or “Great to hear from you” acknowledges their effort without putting pressure for more. This encourages future communication by keeping responses comfortable and manageable.
