You like to think the best of people, but the truth is, not everyone has your best interests at heart.
Some people are all too happy to exploit your kindness, generosity, and willingness to give them the benefit of the doubt. They take advantage of your good nature for their own gain, leaving you feeling used and betrayed. If you want to protect yourself, you’ll have to know the warning signs to look out for. If someone is doing any of these things, watch out — they’re a walking red flag.
1. They always come to you with their problems, but are nowhere to be found when you need support.
You’re their go-to shoulder to cry on, their 24/7 emotional support hotline. They unload all their drama and expect you to drop everything to help them sort through their issues. But when the tables are turned and you need a listening ear, they’re suddenly busy or uninterested. A true friend offers a two-way exchange of support. If it feels like you’re always the therapist and never the client, they may be taking advantage of your compassion.
2. They’re happy to let you foot the bill, but never seem to have their wallet when it’s their turn.
Every time you go out, they conveniently “forget” their wallet or claim to be a bit skint at the moment. They let you cover the tab, promising to get the next one, but that day never seems to come. If they’re constantly mooching off your generosity without ever reciprocating, they’re taking advantage of your financial goodwill. A real friend is happy to take turns treating or split the bill evenly. They don’t see you as their personal piggy bank.
3. They borrow things from you and don’t return them.
Your favourite jumper. That book you lent them months ago. The tool set they swore they only needed for a quick job. If you’re constantly having to chase people down to retrieve your belongings, they’re taking advantage of your generosity. It’s one thing to occasionally borrow something with permission — it’s another to treat your possessions as their personal property. A respectful friend returns things promptly and in good condition, without you having to nag.
4. They volunteer you for tasks or commit you to plans without asking.
“Oh, you’re free this weekend? Great, I told my boss you’d help with this project.” “I knew you wouldn’t mind watching my kids while I run errands, so I told my partner you were all set.” If someone’s constantly putting you on the hook for plans or tasks you didn’t agree to, they’re taking advantage of your helpful nature. They assume you’ll go along with whatever they volunteer you for. A true friend respects your time and autonomy. They ask before committing you to anything.
5. They always expect you to come to them, never the other way around.
You’re always the one schlepping across town to their place, accommodating their schedule, or working around their preferences. It’s never the reverse. If someone expects you to constantly bend over backwards for their convenience without ever reciprocating that effort, they’re taking advantage of your flexibility. A considerate friend meets you in the middle. They understand that your time and energy are just as valuable as theirs.
6. They fish for compliments and validation, but rarely give you genuine praise.
Source: Unsplash “I’m so fat and ugly… do you think I’m fat and ugly?” “Nobody appreciates how hard I work, right?” If someone’s constantly casting for compliments, but never boosts you up in return, they’re using you for an ego stroke. They want you to constantly affirm their worth, but don’t extend that same courtesy. A true friend champions you and makes you feel good about yourself. They don’t just view you as their personal cheerleader.
7. They “borrow” money from you or ask for financial favours, but never pay you back.
Source: Unsplash They hit you up for a tenner here, a quick loan there, promising to pay you back as soon as they can. But somehow, that day never arrives, and you’re left feeling like a walking cash point. If someone repeatedly “borrows” money from you without ever making good on their promises to repay, they’re taking advantage of your financial generosity. A trustworthy friend honours their debts and doesn’t treat your money as a slush fund they can constantly dip into.
8. They only reach out when they need something from you.
Source: Unsplash If you only hear from someone when they need a ride to the airport, help moving house, or a last-minute babysitter, they may be using you for your helpful nature. A real friend reaches out just to say hi, to check in on your life, or to make plans that don’t revolve around their needs. If your only interactions revolve around them asking for favours, they’re taking advantage of your giving spirit. You’re more than just a resource to be tapped.
9. They take credit for your ideas or hard work.
You slave away on a project, only to have your colleague present it as their own work. You share a brilliant suggestion, only to hear your friend repeat it later as if they thought of it themselves. If someone’s constantly stealing your thunder and passing off your efforts as their own, they’re taking advantage of your talents and hard work. They’re happy to let you toil behind the scenes as long as they get the glory.
10. They use guilt-tripping or emotional manipulation to get what they want from you.
Source: Unsplash “After everything I’ve done for you, you’re going to say no?” “If you were a real friend, you’d help me out.” If someone lays on the guilt trips or plays on your emotions to twist your arm into doing their bidding, that’s a sign they’re taking advantage of your good nature. They know you have a big heart and will cave under emotional pressure. A real friend respects your “no” and doesn’t resort to underhanded tactics to get their way.
11. They try to isolate you from your other friends and take up all your time.
Source: Unsplash A sneaky manipulator may try to distance you from your other mates and social connections, making snide comments about them or questioning their motives. They may try to control your time and make you feel guilty for hanging out with anyone else. This is a way of making you dependent on them so they can continue to take advantage of you. A true friend encourages you to have a rich social life outside of your relationship with them.
12. They’re quick to ask for favours, but always have excuses when it’s time to reciprocate.
When they need help with an errand, a lift to the airport, or a place to crash for the night, you’re the first person they call. But when you need a hand, they’re suddenly swamped with work, not feeling well, or have some other excuse for why they can’t be there for you. If someone’s always eager to cash in favours but never pays them back, they’re taking advantage of your dependability and kindness. A real friend pulls their weight.
13. They dismiss or downplay your feelings and needs in favour of their own.
“You’re too sensitive.” “It’s not a big deal, get over it.” “You don’t really need my help with that.” If someone’s quick to brush off your feelings and needs while prioritising their own, they’re taking advantage of your empathy and understanding. They expect you to always put their emotions first, while treating yours as an inconvenience. A caring friend values your feelings and needs as much as their own. They don’t expect you to constantly take a back seat.
14. They refuse to compromise or meet you halfway.
It’s always their way or the highway. They insist on choosing the restaurant, the film, the holiday destination. They’re unwilling to find middle ground or take your preferences into account. If someone’s always ignoring your wishes and expecting you to just go along with what they want, they’re taking advantage of your agreeableness. A true friend is happy to compromise and find solutions that work for both of you. It’s not all about them.
15. They’re happy to take your help and support, but disappear or get defensive when you need the same.
When they’re in a bind, they have no problem asking you to bail them out, lend a hand, or be their rock. But when you’re the one struggling and could use some support, they’re suddenly nowhere to be found or act like you’re burdening them with your needs. If someone’s all too happy to receive your help but balks at the idea of reciprocating, they’re taking advantage of your dependability. A real friend is there for you through thick and thin, just like you are for them.
16. They constantly push your boundaries and ignore your “no”.
You’ve told them you’re not comfortable with something — whether it’s loaning them money, doing them a certain favour, or giving up your free time — but they keep pushing and pressuring you anyway. They push right past your boundaries and make you feel like you’re being unreasonable for having limits. If someone can’t take no for an answer and always tries to cajole you into giving in, they’re taking advantage of your kindness. A respectful friend respects your boundaries.
