Attraction will inevitably ebb and flow in long-term relationships, but what happens if you’re not attracted to your partner at all anymore?
It might be a temporary feeling, and there could be other issues clouding your judgement at the moment. Before you act on this lack of attraction, do these things first — they may just provide the clarity you need.
1. Think about when and why your feelings changed.
Take some time to think about when you first noticed a shift in your attraction. Was it gradual or sudden? Did it coincide with any significant life changes or events? Understanding the root cause can help you address the issue more effectively and determine if it’s a temporary slump or a more serious problem.
2. Be open and honest with your partner about your feelings.
It’s crucial to have an honest conversation with your partner about how you’re feeling. Choose a calm moment and express yourself gently but clearly. Be prepared for them to feel hurt or defensive, but emphasise that you want to work on the relationship together. Open communication is the foundation for any potential improvement.
3. Examine your own stress levels and mental health.
Sometimes, a lack of attraction can be a symptom of personal issues rather than relationship problems. High stress, depression, or anxiety can all impact your libido and emotional connection. Consider whether addressing your own mental health might help improve your relationship dynamics.
4. Go back to doing things you enjoyed together early in your relationship.
Think back to the early days of your relationship. What did you do together that brought you joy and excitement? Try recreating some of those experiences. Whether it’s revisiting a favourite restaurant or taking up a shared hobby again, rekindling those positive associations can help reignite the spark.
5. Prioritise quality time together without distractions.
In our busy, tech-filled lives, it’s easy to fall into the trap of being physically present but mentally elsewhere. Make a conscious effort to have regular, distraction-free time together. Put away your phones, turn off the telly, and focus on each other. This dedicated attention can help rebuild your connection.
6. Focus on your partner’s positive qualities and show gratitude for them.
It’s easy to fixate on the negatives when you’re feeling less attracted to your partner. Make a conscious effort to notice and appreciate their positive qualities. Express gratitude for the things they do, both big and small. This shift in focus can help reframe your perception and feelings towards them.
7. Explore new experiences together to create fresh excitement.
Trying new things together can inject fresh energy into your relationship. Sign up for a cooking class, plan a weekend trip to a new location, or try an adrenaline-pumping activity like rock climbing. Sharing new experiences can create bonding opportunities and reignite that sense of adventure in your relationship.
8. Work on your own self-improvement and personal growth.
Sometimes, focusing on yourself can indirectly benefit your relationship. Set personal goals, pursue a new interest, or work on aspects of yourself you’d like to improve. As you grow and evolve, you might find a renewed sense of attraction to your partner or bring new energy to the relationship.
9. Consider whether physical changes are affecting your attraction.
If physical appearance is a factor in your diminished attraction, think about whether there are healthy changes you could make together. This could involve starting a fitness routine, trying new hairstyles, or updating your wardrobe. Remember to approach this sensitively and as a mutual effort, not a criticism.
10. Evaluate if external factors are impacting your relationship.
Sometimes, external pressures can strain a relationship and affect attraction. Are work stresses, family issues, or financial worries taking a toll? Identifying these factors can help you address them together and potentially alleviate some of the strain on your relationship.
11. Reignite physical intimacy through non-sexual touch.
If intimate attraction has waned, start rebuilding physical intimacy through non-sexual touch. Hold hands more often, give each other massages, or simply sit close together while watching a film. These small acts of physical affection can help rebuild intimacy and potentially lead to a new sense of attraction.
12. Practice mindfulness to stay present in your interactions.
Mindfulness can help you fully engage in your interactions with your partner. When you’re together, try to focus on the present moment rather than letting your mind wander. Notice the sound of their voice, the expression in their eyes, or the feeling of their hand in yours. This heightened awareness can deepen your connection.
13. Deal with any unresolved problems or resentments.
Lingering resentments or unresolved conflicts can significantly impact attraction. If there are issues you’ve been avoiding, now is the time to address them. Have open, honest discussions about any problems in your relationship. Clearing the air can remove barriers to feeling close and attracted to your partner.
14. Consider taking a short break to gain perspective.
Sometimes, a bit of space can provide clarity. If it feels appropriate, consider taking a short break from each other. This doesn’t mean breaking up, but rather giving each other some time to reflect and miss each other. Ensure you set clear boundaries and expectations for this break.
15. Reconnect with your own sexuality and desires.
Take some time to reconnect with your own sexuality. This might involve exploring what turns you on, reading erotic literature, or simply spending time thinking about your desires. You might just bring some new energy back into your relationship.
16. Be patient and give your efforts time to work.
Rebuilding attraction doesn’t happen overnight. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you work through this challenge. Give your efforts time to take effect, and be prepared for ups and downs along the way. Remember, many couples successfully navigate this issue and come out stronger on the other side.
