Supporting a friend in a terrible relationship can be tough.
You want to tell them that they can do better, but you’re also well aware that it’s not your place to interfere, especially since they’re old enough to make their own decisions. While you definitely don’t want to sit by and watch them continue to be treated badly or settle for less than they deserve, you need to share your concern in a way that’s not too overbearing or judgemental. Here are a few things you can say to let them know how you feel without being as much of a jerk as their current partner.
1. “I just want you to be happy.”
Sometimes, it’s as simple as letting them know you care about their happiness. By saying this, you’re showing that your concern comes from a place of love, not judgement. It opens the door for them to talk more about how they really feel in the relationship. A subtle reminder can help them see that you want what’s best for them, and it can create a space for deeper conversations.
2. “I’m always here if you need to talk.”
Let them know that your support isn’t conditional. Even if they don’t take your advice right away, they’ll feel safe knowing they can turn to you for help when they’re ready. You’re showing that you’re a safe space, ready to listen without any pressure to act. It also helps to create an environment where they can express themselves freely when they need it most.
3. “You deserve someone who treats you with respect.”
Instead of directly attacking their partner, highlight your friend’s worth. Remind them of their value and the kind of love they deserve. Sometimes, hearing it from a friend can help them see things more clearly. When you affirm their worth, it can spark a moment of clarity where they start to realise that they deserve better treatment than what they’re getting.
4. “I’ve noticed you don’t seem as happy lately.”
Pointing out changes in their behaviour or mood can help them reflect. It’s not about accusing, but rather expressing concern. This can be a relaxed way to get them to question if they’re truly happy in the relationship. When they realise it themselves, it might motivate them to make positive changes or to start considering their happiness more seriously.
5. “How do you feel when you’re with them?”
Encourage them to reflect on their feelings. This question lets them come to their own conclusions, while giving them the chance to consider their emotions more deeply, without feeling attacked. It’s also a great way to give them control of their own narrative, helping them assess whether they’re really being treated the way they deserve to be.
6. “I’ve noticed they sometimes treat you badly, and I don’t like seeing that.”
Being specific can help them see things they might be overlooking. By highlighting the behaviour rather than making general accusations, it feels less like criticism and more like genuine concern. Sometimes, it takes an outside perspective to notice things that become invisible over time, and your words could give them the clarity they need to take action.
7. “I’m concerned about how much effort you’re putting in compared to them.”
Relationships should be a two-way street. If you notice your friend is doing all the work, it’s okay to point that out. It’s not about putting blame, but reminding them they deserve someone who puts in just as much effort. When both sides are working together, it helps the relationship feel balanced and fulfilling for everyone involved.
8. “You don’t have to settle for less than you deserve.”
This is a reminder that they are worthy of the best kind of love. Sometimes, people settle for less because they don’t realise their own worth, so this can be a bit of a nudge towards self-love and empowerment. Letting them know they deserve someone who makes them feel valued and appreciated will help them reassess whether their current situation matches that standard.
9. “Is this how you want to be treated in the long run?”
Prompt them to think about the future. Asking this helps them reflect on whether they’re okay with their partner’s behaviour in the long term, and it’s something they’ll likely take into consideration when making future decisions. It’s important to help them picture a future where they’re happy and respected, and if this relationship doesn’t fit that picture, it might be time to move on.
10. “I’ve seen how happy you are when you’re with other people, and I miss that for you.”
Sometimes it’s good to remind them of the joy they experience outside the relationship. When they see themselves in a happier light, it may help them reevaluate their situation with their partner. By bringing up the times when they are truly happy, you help them realise that they deserve to feel that way all the time, not just in certain situations.
11. “Do you feel supported and appreciated by them?”
This focuses on the core of a relationship: support and appreciation. It encourages them to think about whether their needs are being met and whether they feel emotionally fulfilled. When they pause to reflect on whether they’re being truly valued, it can help them see things more clearly and perhaps open the door to a deeper discussion about their relationship.
12. “You don’t have to explain away their behaviour to me.”
Sometimes, friends make excuses for their partners’ bad behaviour. By saying this, you’re offering them the space to stop defending their partner and instead take a hard look at the relationship’s dynamics. It can help your friend break through the fog of denial and face the situation head-on, without feeling guilty or ashamed for being honest about the truth.
13. “If you ever want to talk about this more, I’m here.”
Let them know they’re not alone. This creates a safe space for them to open up when they’re ready. Sometimes people need time to process things before they can talk about it, so offering your support without pressure can make them feel more comfortable sharing their feelings when they’re ready.
14. “You deserve someone who lifts you up, not brings you down.”
Sometimes, people settle in relationships where they’re constantly put down. This little reminder reinforces that your friend deserves positivity and support, not constant negativity. It’s a loving nudge towards recognising their worth and realising that they deserve to be with someone who helps them grow and thrive, not someone who brings them down.
15. “I’ve got your back, no matter what you decide.”
Whatever they choose, let them know you’ll support them. This isn’t about forcing them to make a decision, but rather reassuring them that their choices are theirs to make, and you’ll be there no matter what. It provides them with the emotional security to make decisions in their own time, knowing they have a friend who understands and supports them fully.
