Moving in together can be exciting, but it also brings a whole new level of shared decision-making, habits, and sometimes chaos. Before you start merging furniture and arguing over who left the lights on, it’s worth having a few proper chats—nothing heavy, just honest stuff that saves confusion later. Here are some of the most important conversations that can make cohabiting way smoother (and a lot less dramatic).
1. What “clean” actually means to each of you
Everyone has their own version of clean—one person thinks spotless, the other thinks “no actual mould = fine.” If you don’t talk about it, resentment builds fast. It helps to know upfront whether your standards align, or at least how far apart they are. It’s a bit more nuanced than whether you’re neat freaks or slobs. It’s about finding a rhythm that works for both of you and deciding who handles what before someone quietly starts rage-cleaning the kitchen every Saturday.
2. How you’ll split the bills (and what counts as shared)
Money can get weird if expectations aren’t clear. Talk about how rent, utilities, groceries, and random extras like loo roll or Netflix will be divided, and what you both consider fair. It’s also good to figure out if you’re going 50/50 on everything, or adjusting for income differences. Being upfront avoids awkward assumptions like one of you thinking “we’re sharing food,” while the other is wondering why their oat milk keeps vanishing.
3. Whether one of you needs more alone time
If one of you recharges by chatting and the other needs silence, living together without discussing this first can get tense fast. Alone time doesn’t mean there’s a problem—it just means you’re human. Have an honest talk about what space means to each of you. That way, you’ll avoid someone quietly stewing because they just wanted 20 minutes of peace without explaining why.
4. What home actually feels like to you
For some people, home means a place that’s warm and full of people. For others, it’s all about calm and quiet. Knowing what your partner sees as comforting or chaotic can help you create a space that feels good for both of you. This might mean compromising on things like background noise, how many people are around, or how the space is decorated, but it’s way easier to do that when you both know what you’re aiming for.
5. How you’ll handle disagreements
Disagreements are going to happen, whether it’s about dishes, decor, or duvet-hogging. What matters more is how you handle it when things feel off. Talk about how each of you tends to react in conflict—do you go quiet, talk it out straight away, need time? Knowing this helps avoid misunderstandings and petty build-ups.
6. What your routines look like
If one of you wakes up at 6am to blast music and the other goes to bed at 2 a.m., that’s worth knowing in advance. Living together means those routines will affect each other, whether you like it or not. You don’t need to sync perfectly, but having a rough idea of each other’s schedules can help you dodge unintentional clashes, or at least prepare for the adjustment period.
7. What your guests policy is
Some people love having friends over every weekend. Others want their home to be a total sanctuary. Moving in together means agreeing on who gets invited, how often, and whether people can crash overnight. If you’ve got different comfort levels with guests, it’s better to talk about it than tiptoe around it. A quick “what kind of housemate are you when people visit?” chat saves a lot of tension down the line.
8. Whether you’re on the same page about pets
If one of you’s secretly planning to adopt a dog and the other’s allergic or just not a fan—that’s a conversation that needs to happen before the lease is signed. Pets affect routines, budgets, and even furniture. Talk honestly about your long-term thoughts on animals, and what each of you is (and isn’t) okay with. This includes things like sleeping arrangements, costs, and responsibilities if one of you already has a pet.
9. What you both need to feel comfortable at home
Whether it’s alone time, a space that stays tidy, or the freedom to lounge in silence, everyone’s got things that help them relax. If you skip this convo, you risk accidentally annoying each other without realising why. Think of it as an emotional inventory—what helps you reset, what stresses you out, what routines make you feel grounded. Even just swapping a few notes on this can improve the vibe massively.
10. How you’ll handle chores (and what you hate doing)
Someone’s going to get stuck cleaning the toilet unless you split things smart. Talk through what you each hate doing and whether you can trade off accordingly. If you loathe laundry but don’t mind hoovering, you’ve already got a deal. Plus, if you’re both bad at keeping up with chores, consider putting some kind of casual system in place. Not a rigid rota—just something that stops the pile of dishes becoming a full-blown argument.
11. What “quiet time” actually means to you
Is quiet time headphones in? TV on low volume? Literally no noise at all? Everyone’s got their own version, and not talking about it can create friction, especially in smaller spaces. Working out the kind of downtime you each need (and when you need it) means you won’t be stepping on each other’s peace without realising. It helps set the tone for mutual respect in shared living.
12. What you’ll do if one of you wants to move out
This one’s not fun, but it matters. Life happens—breakups, job changes, family stuff—and it’s worth knowing how you’d handle things if someone needs to leave. Would you find a new flatmate? Break the lease? Reassess the whole plan? It’s not about assuming failure—it’s just smart to prepare. A short conversation now saves a lot of mess if things get complicated later.
13. How you’ll protect personal space
Even the happiest couples or best mates need breathing room. That might mean setting boundaries around your bedroom, workspace, or time to yourself—whatever makes you feel balanced. Making space for individuality inside a shared home actually strengthens the connection. It helps both people feel like they still have some autonomy, even if they’re sharing a fridge and a Netflix account.
14. How often you want to do things together
Living together doesn’t mean hanging out 24/7. But if one of you assumes there’ll be date nights and shared dinners all the time, and the other expects totally independent routines, that’s going to feel weird fast. Talk about what kind of shared time feels natural. It helps manage expectations and keeps either of you from feeling neglected—or smothered—without even realising why.
15. What happens if someone’s habits start grating
It’s going to happen. Maybe it’s noisy chewing, late-night gaming, or leaving socks everywhere. Instead of pretending you’ll never get irritated, talk about how you’ll bring things up without causing a stand-off. Agreeing to check in every so often—even casually—can help air out small annoyances before they become big problems. A bit of “hey, can we tweak this?” goes a long way.
16. What your vision is for the space
Some people want a place that feels like a cosy nest. Others want it to look like a design magazine. If one of you is all about candles and throws and the other’s happy living out of cardboard boxes, you’ll want to meet in the middle. This isn’t about style clashes—it’s about whether you both feel at home. Creating a shared space that reflects both personalities can make living together feel less like cohabiting and more like a proper home.
