Narcissists tend to put on a confident, self-absorbed façade, but that doesn’t mean they’re fearless.
In fact, despite their overblown bravado, narcissists are usually incredibly insecure, and they tend to avoid situations that threaten their carefully created image and might cause it to crumble. Here are just some of the things that a narcissist is truly terrified about—and why these fears tend to be behind much of their bad behaviour.
1. Being exposed as imperfect
Narcissists thrive on projecting an image of perfection, and the thought of someone spotting their flaws is terrifying. They go to extreme lengths to cover up mistakes or weaknesses, whether that means blaming other people, deflecting criticism, or outright denying reality. Their constant vigilance is exhausting, but to them, it feels necessary to keep their fragile self-image intact. If their imperfections are exposed, it’s not just embarrassing—it feels like their whole identity is under threat.
2. Losing control over other people
Control is everything to a narcissist. They rely on manipulating everyone around them to maintain their sense of power and self-worth. When someone refuses to play along or pushes back, it leaves them feeling vulnerable and powerless. That’s why they often resort to guilt trips, gaslighting, or other tactics to keep people in line. To them, losing control isn’t just inconvenient—it’s deeply unsettling because it threatens the foundation of how they see themselves.
3. Being ignored or irrelevant
Narcissists crave attention like oxygen, and the idea of being overlooked can send them spiralling. Whether it’s admiration, envy, or even criticism, they need to be noticed to feel significant. If the spotlight shifts away, they often resort to dramatic gestures or attention-seeking behaviour to pull it back. To them, being irrelevant feels like fading into nothingness, which is an unbearable thought.
4. Genuine emotional intimacy
For narcissists, letting someone get close enough to see their true selves is terrifying. Emotional intimacy requires vulnerability, which they see as a weakness. They work hard to keep people at arm’s length, often sabotaging relationships that get too close for comfort. To them, the risk of being exposed for who they really are is too great, so they retreat behind walls of defensiveness and pretence.
5. Rejection or abandonment
Despite their aloof exterior, narcissists are definitely afraid of being rejected or left behind. Unsurprisingly, this fear often drives their erratic or controlling behaviour in relationships. They might push people away first, creating distance to protect themselves from the sting of abandonment. At the same time, they cling to other people in unhealthy ways, fearing what it says about them if someone chooses to leave.
6. Being held accountable
Narcissists hate being confronted with their own mistakes because it threatens the carefully constructed narrative of their perfection. If they’re held accountable, they’re forced to face flaws they’d rather ignore. It explains why they’re so quick to deflect blame or turn the tables during conflicts. Accountability isn’t just uncomfortable—it feels like an attack on their very identity.
7. Public humiliation
To a narcissist, even minor embarrassment in front of other people feels catastrophic. They invest so much energy into maintaining their image that public humiliation hits like a wrecking ball. This fear is why they meticulously plan how they present themselves and avoid situations where they might look unprepared or foolish. When things don’t go their way in public, their reactions can be explosive.
8. Being outshone by anyone
Narcissists often see life as a competition, and they need to come out on top. Watching someone else succeed—especially in a way they admire or envy—triggers intense insecurity. They might try to tear the other person down, dismiss their achievements, or inflate their own to regain a sense of superiority. Deep down, it’s not about winning; it’s about avoiding the feeling of inadequacy that comes with being second-best.
9. Losing their sense of superiority
Feeling “better” than everyone else is central to how narcissists define themselves. Whether it’s in terms of intelligence, wealth, or status, their self-esteem depends on maintaining this sense of superiority. When it’s challenged—whether through failure, criticism, or competition—they often lash out or double down on their efforts to prove their worth.
10. Being seen as ordinary
For narcissists, being just another person in the crowd feels unbearable. They need to stand out and be perceived as special to feel validated. It’s the reason they often exaggerate their accomplishments or cultivate a persona that demands attention. Being seen as average threatens their carefully built identity, leaving them feeling hollow and insignificant.
11. Facing genuine criticism
Narcissists may be quick to criticise people, but they’re incredibly sensitive to any feedback about themselves. Even well-intentioned constructive criticism feels like an attack, triggering defensiveness, denial, or even retaliation. Their hypersensitivity comes from their deep fear of being “less than” they pretend to be.
12. Losing material wealth or status
Narcissists often equate their self-worth with their possessions and social standing. If they lose those external markers of success, it feels like losing their identity. This is why they’re so fixated on appearances and will go to great lengths to protect or restore their status, no matter the personal cost.
13. Being alone with their thoughts
Silence and solitude can be terrifying for narcissists because it forces them to confront the insecurities and fears they spend so much time avoiding. They often fill their lives with distractions—constant activity, social media, or noise—to keep those uncomfortable thoughts at bay. Introspection isn’t just uncomfortable for them; it’s downright frightening.
14. Losing admiration from people
Admiration is the lifeblood of a narcissist’s self-esteem. When it fades or disappears, they feel empty and unimportant. Their fear drives their relentless need for validation, whether through compliments, achievements, or attention-seeking behaviour. Losing admiration means losing the external reinforcement they rely on to feel okay about themselves.
15. Experiencing failure
Failure strikes at the core of a narcissist’s need to appear invincible. Even small setbacks can feel catastrophic, leading to shame, anger, or denial. To avoid this, they may avoid risks altogether or blame other people when things go wrong. Failure isn’t just a blow to their ego—it’s a direct threat to the identity they’ve worked so hard to construct.
16. Losing their sense of control over themselves
For a narcissist, maintaining composure is crucial to their image. Losing control—whether it’s through anger, fear, or vulnerability—feels like a sign of weakness. That’s why they often try to control their environment and the people around them so meticulously. The idea of slipping up and exposing their true emotions is one of their greatest fears.
