Everyone feels lonely sometimes, but for some people, it’s pervasive and overwhelming.
While everyone experiences it differently, there are common patterns in how lonely people express their need for a bit of company and connection. They might not come out and say how disconnected and alone they’re feeling, but when they say these things, it’s a pretty clear indicator that they’re struggling.
1. “I’m just checking in to see how you’re doing.”
When someone regularly sends casual messages or calls “just to check in,” they might be looking for more than a quick chat. These simple gestures often mask a need for real connection. If you notice this pattern, take it as an opportunity to go deeper—ask them about their day, share something personal, or suggest meeting up. A little effort can turn a casual check-in into a meaningful interaction.
2. “Does anyone want to grab coffee? I’m treating!”
Offering to pay for company isn’t just about generosity; it can also be a way of ensuring people say yes. It shows they’re craving connection, but might be worried their invitation won’t be enough on its own. Instead of focusing on the treat, accept their offer and make plans. You can always pick up the tab next time—it’s about showing up, not the money.
3. “Just cleaned my entire flat. Again.”
Constantly mentioning how they’ve been keeping busy with tasks can be a way to fill the silence of being alone. When someone talks about solo productivity like this, they might be hoping for company but unsure how to ask. Offer to join them for a similar activity or suggest something social, like a coffee break or a walk. Turning solitary routines into shared experiences can make a big difference.
4. “Remember that time we all went camping?”
Regular trips down memory lane often mean someone is longing for the closeness they once felt in past relationships. While nostalgia is normal, it can also highlight an unmet need for connection in the present. Instead of just agreeing or reminiscing, suggest creating new memories together—whether it’s a similar activity or something entirely different.
5. “My cat/dog is being extra cuddly today.”
Focusing on their pet’s affection might mean that someone’s leaning on their animal for emotional support because they’re not getting enough connection elsewhere. While pets can be a wonderful source of comfort, they can’t replace human relationships. Suggest a pet-friendly meetup, like a dog walk or a park visit, to gently widen their circle of interaction.
6. “Has anyone else been watching this new show?”
Sharing interests, like a TV show or movie, can be a subtle way of looking for a connection point. When someone repeatedly brings up entertainment topics, they might be craving shared experiences. Invite them to watch something together or introduce them to a fan community where they can find like-minded people. It’s not just about the show—it’s about being part of something.
7. “I made too much food again.”
Cooking too much and mentioning it isn’t always just a casual comment—it can be a quiet way of saying, “I wish I had someone to share this with.” Respond by suggesting a meal together or inviting them to a group dinner. Sharing food is one of the simplest ways to build stronger connections.
8. “Anyone else still awake?”
Late-night posts or texts asking if people are around often reveal a deeper sense of loneliness during those quiet hours. While it’s tempting to brush these off, reaching out—even the next day—can make a difference. Ask them how they’re doing and suggest daytime plans, helping them create healthier, more social routines.
9. “I wouldn’t mind some help with this project.”
Requests for help might be more about wanting company than the task itself. If someone frequently asks for assistance, try turning the situation into a shared activity—like working together on the project or swapping tasks. Collaboration can turn something mundane into a meaningful connection.
10. “Look at this funny meme I found.”
Sending memes, videos, or social media posts often goes beyond simple sharing—it’s a low-stakes way to reach out. While online exchanges have their place, suggest something offline as well, like a coffee meetup or a walk. Face-to-face connection deepens relationships in ways that digital interactions can’t.
11. “I miss our old group chats.”
It’s natural to miss the dynamic of past friendships, but if someone keeps bringing it up, they might be feeling stuck or disconnected. Acknowledge the sentiment, but also encourage them to focus on building new relationships. Organising a small gathering or introducing them to new friends can help bridge the gap.
12. “Work keeps me pretty busy these days.”
When someone uses work as their go-to topic, it can mean they’re hiding behind their responsibilities to avoid admitting they’re lonely. Encourage them to talk about other parts of their life, or invite them to an activity that gives them a break from their routine. A little balance can go a long way in helping them reconnect.
13. “Anyone want to form a study/workout group?”
Organising group activities around goals is often a way of creating structure to make socialising easier. If someone proposes this, support their efforts by joining in or helping them find other people who’d like to participate. Structured interactions can be a safe way to build relationships without the pressure of one-on-one conversations.
14. “Just moved here, any recommendations?”
When someone new to an area asks for advice, they’re often looking for more than restaurant tips—they want help building a social circle. Offer to take them to a local spot or introduce them to people you know. Being part of their exploration can lay the foundation for a solid friendship.
15. “Happy birthday to me!”
Announcing their birthday might be less about celebration and more about hoping someone remembers. Instead of just sending a quick message, make an effort to celebrate with them—whether it’s a small meetup or a thoughtful gesture. Recognising their special day shows them they’re valued.
16. “Thanks for listening.”
When someone expresses gratitude for even minor conversations, it can be a sign they’re feeling starved for connection. Don’t let these moments pass—follow up with regular check-ins or suggest more time together. Building on these small interactions can lead to a deeper, more meaningful bond.
