So, you’ve finally decided to confront your narcissistic partner about their behaviour. Good for you! But be prepared because they’re not going to go down without a fight. They’re masters of deflection, denial, and manipulation. Here are some things you can expect them to say when you try to hold them accountable.
1. “You’re crazy/imagining things.”
As Choosing Therapy notes, this is a classic gaslighting tactic. They’ll deny reality, make you question your own sanity, and try to convince you that you’re the one with the problem. They might say things like, “You’re overreacting,” “You’re making a big deal out of nothing,” or “I never said that.” Don’t fall for it! Trust your instincts and stand your ground. If something feels wrong, it probably is.
2. “You’re too sensitive.”
This is another way they invalidate your feelings and dismiss your concerns. They might accuse you of being overly emotional, irrational, or just plain difficult. This is a way to shift the focus from their bad behaviour onto your “sensitivity.” Remember, your feelings are valid, and you don’t have to apologise for being human.
3. “You’re always starting fights/causing drama.”
Narcissists love to play the victim and shift blame. They might accuse you of being the instigator, even when they’re clearly the ones who started the conflict. This is a way to manipulate you into feeling guilty and responsible for their bad behaviour. Don’t fall for it! Stick to the facts and don’t let them rewrite the narrative.
4. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
This is a non-apology apology. It’s a way of acknowledging your feelings without actually taking responsibility for their actions. A true apology would include a recognition of their wrongdoing and a commitment to change. If your partner offers this kind of half-hearted apology, it’s a sign they’re not truly remorseful or interested in making amends.
5. “I was just joking.”
If their “jokes” consistently hurt your feelings or make you feel uncomfortable, it’s not a joke, it’s a problem. Narcissists often use humour as a weapon to put you down or belittle you. If they say something hurtful and then claim they were just joking, it’s a way to avoid accountability and dismiss your feelings.
6. “You’re overreacting.”
This is another classic gaslighting tactic. They might accuse you of making a big deal out of nothing, even if their behaviour was clearly hurtful or disrespectful. This is a way to make you doubt your own perceptions and second-guess your emotions. Trust your gut and don’t let them minimise your feelings.
7. “You’re being too emotional.”
Narcissists often use this phrase to invalidate your feelings and dismiss your concerns. They want you to believe that your emotions are irrational and unreasonable, so they can continue their manipulative behaviour without consequence.
8. “Why can’t you just let it go?”
This is a way of trying to shut you down and silence your concerns. They don’t want to take responsibility for their actions, so they try to make you feel like you’re the one who’s being difficult or unreasonable. If they’ve hurt you, it’s perfectly normal and valid to want to talk about it and get an apology. Don’t let them brush it off or dismiss your feelings.
9. “You’re just too sensitive.”
This line is a classic deflection tactic aimed at making you question your own feelings and reactions. By dismissing your concerns as mere “sensitivity,” they undermine the validity of your emotions and shift the focus away from their own behaviour. Remember, your feelings are valid, and it’s not your responsibility to change your emotional responses to accommodate their lack of accountability.
10. “You’re always the one who starts arguments.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists often project their own flaws and behaviours onto other people. By accusing you of being the instigator of arguments, they absolve themselves of any responsibility for the conflict and create a narrative where you’re the difficult one. This can be a particularly insidious tactic, as it makes you second-guess yourself and your role in the relationship dynamics.
11. “Everyone else thinks I’m great.”
Source: Unsplash This is a manipulation tactic designed to make you feel like you’re the odd one out. By implying that everyone else adores and admires them, they’re attempting to isolate you and make you question your own judgment. They might also use this phrase to deflect criticism, suggesting that if everyone else thinks they’re great, you must be the one with the problem.
12. “You’re lucky to have me.”
Source: Unsplash This arrogant statement is a way for narcissists to remind you of their perceived value and superiority. It’s a subtle form of manipulation that can make you feel indebted to them and grateful for their presence in your life, even when they’re treating you poorly. Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where you’re valued and appreciated for who you are, not because you’re “lucky” to have someone.
13. “I’m the only one who truly understands you.”
Narcissists often try to isolate you from your support system by making you believe that they’re the only ones who truly get you. This creates a sense of dependency and makes it harder for you to see their manipulative behaviour for what it is. Remember, healthy relationships involve a network of supportive people, not just one person who claims to be your sole confidante.
14. “You’ll never find anyone better than me.”
This is a fearmongering tactic designed to keep you trapped in the relationship. By planting the seed of doubt about your ability to find someone else who loves and appreciates you, they’re hoping to make you stay, even if you’re unhappy. Don’t let them convince you that you’re not worthy of love and happiness. You deserve to be with someone who truly values and cherishes you.
15. “You’re overreacting.”
This phrase is a way to invalidate your feelings and dismiss your concerns. If you express your hurt or anger, they might accuse you of being “too sensitive,” “dramatic,” or “irrational.” This is a manipulation tactic that undermines your confidence and makes you question your own judgment. Trust your instincts and don’t let them gaslight you into believing that your feelings aren’t valid.
16. “I’m doing this for your own good.”
Narcissists often try to disguise their controlling behaviour as acts of love or concern. They might justify their manipulation by claiming that they’re doing it for your own good. They might try to control your finances, your social life, or even your career choices, all under the guise of “helping” you. It’s important to recognise this manipulation for what it is and to assert your own autonomy. You’re capable of making your own decisions and choosing what’s best for you.
