Pessimists tend to see the world through an extremely negative lens, but they’re not beyond hope.
While they might be used to believing the worst of everything and everyone, sometimes a bit of pushback from the people around them — subtle and kind, of course! — can actually help them make some headway in changing their outlook and becoming a little less jaded. When your resident pessimist says one of these things, here are some responses to try on to encourage them to look on the bright side a bit more. No guarantees here, but they just might work!
1. “Why even bother? It’s not going to work.”
Your response? “Maybe, but what if it does? Isn’t it worth trying just to see what could happen?” When someone gets stuck in a negative mindset, sometimes all it takes is a gentle nudge to open up other possibilities. By acknowledging their doubts but also highlighting the potential for success, you help them see there’s a chance it could go right. We all have moments where we feel like giving up, especially when things don’t seem to be going our way. But even a small change in perspective can make a big difference. Encouraging them to try, even just to see what happens, can be the push they need to take that first step and maybe even surprise themselves with a positive outcome.
2. “Nothing ever goes right for me.”
You can come back with something like, “I get that it feels like that right now, but haven’t there been a few small wins along the way?” It’s easy to get bogged down by the bad things that happen in life, especially when they seem to pile up. By pointing out small successes or moments of good luck, you’re offering a reality check that shows them things aren’t always as bleak as they feel. When life feels like it’s one setback after another, it’s important to highlight the wins, no matter how small. It could be something as simple as a good conversation or managing to get through a tough day. Focusing on these moments helps shift the balance from negativity to a more grounded, hopeful outlook.
3. “It’s probably going to fail like last time.”
That’s not true, so come back with something along the lines of, “Last time was a learning experience. What if this time goes differently because of what you learned?” Sometimes, the fear of failure can paralyse us, especially if things didn’t go well in the past. By reframing their experience as a learning opportunity, you help them see that failure is just part of the process, not the end of the road. Every setback teaches us something, even if it’s just about what doesn’t work. Instead of letting past experiences dictate future outcomes, you can remind them that every attempt is a chance to do it better. With that growth mindset, they’re more likely to approach things with renewed energy and a better understanding of what they need to succeed.
4. “People always let you down.”
When you hear this, offer up something like, “Some do, but haven’t there been people who’ve surprised you in good ways, too?” Bad experiences with people can cloud our judgement, making us believe that people are generally unreliable. But by bringing up examples of positive interactions, you can gently remind them that kindness and reliability do exist, even if they haven’t seen it recently. It’s easy to fall into the trap of generalising when we’ve been let down before. But it’s important to remember that not everyone acts the same way. By sharing a few stories of people who’ve done the opposite like shown kindness, or come through for them, you can help them break free from the cycle of cynicism and open their mind to the possibility of trust.
5. “It’s just my luck to get the worst of everything.”
Instead of getting out your tiny violin, respond with, “Luck can feel random, but sometimes it’s about perspective — what’s something small that’s gone right today?” Focusing on the negative can sometimes overshadow the small moments of good fortune that happen every day. By shifting the focus, even slightly, to a positive moment, you can help them see that life is a mix of both good and bad. Luck may seem like it’s against us sometimes, but often, it’s all about how we look at things. By highlighting the small wins, you help them realise that not everything is bad, and that small positives do add up. That change in mindset can make all the difference in how they move forward.
6. “I’ll probably mess it up like I always do.”
Not a great attitude to have, which is why you should respond with, “What if this is the time you don’t? You’ve learned so much since then.” Everyone makes mistakes, and the fear of repeating them can hold us back. By reminding them how much they’ve grown since their last attempt, you give them the confidence to try again with a fresh perspective. Mistakes don’t define us; what matters is how we grow from them. You can help them see that every failure teaches us something new and prepares us to do better next time. With each lesson learned, they become more capable of handling the next challenge, meaning the next attempt might just be their breakthrough.
7. “What’s the point? Everything’s already ruined.”
Try not to roll your eyes and give up here, and instead say, “It might feel like that now, but what’s one small thing you can do to make it a bit better?” It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when things go wrong, but focusing on one tiny thing you can do helps bring back a sense of control. It’s about taking those first baby steps toward turning things around, no matter how small they seem. When life feels like it’s falling apart, it can be hard to know where to start. By encouraging them to focus on one actionable task, you help them see that change doesn’t have to happen all at once. Little steps lead to bigger ones, and sometimes, all it takes is that first move to begin shifting things back into place.
8. “I’m not good at anything.”
Go with, “That’s not true! What about [specific skill or talent]? You’re great at that.” Pessimists often struggle with self-worth, thinking they’re not good at anything. By highlighting something they’re genuinely talented at, you help challenge those negative thoughts and remind them that everyone has strengths. We all have something we excel at, even if it’s not immediately obvious. Whether it’s cooking, problem-solving, or making people laugh, pinpointing something they’re good at can help them see their own worth. This positive reinforcement can help shift the focus away from their perceived weaknesses and towards what they do well.
9. “It’s too late to fix anything now.”
It’s not, so go with, “It’s never too late to start improving things, even in small steps.” When someone feels like time has run out, it’s easy for them to fall into a sense of hopelessness. By offering the idea that change can happen at any stage, you empower them to take action, no matter how small the step may seem. It’s easy to feel like time is against us, but in reality, it’s never too late to make positive changes. Whether it’s revisiting an old goal, working on a new skill, or even improving a relationship, small changes can have a huge impact over time. Encouraging them to focus on those small steps helps remind them that they’re always in control of their journey.
10. “Why does everything bad happen to me?”
It’s hard to turn this attitude around, but you can try something like, “It’s been a tough stretch, but maybe it’s not about why it happens — it’s about what you do next.” When things keep going wrong, it’s easy to start feeling like the universe has it out for you. But by shifting the focus to their next move, you help them feel empowered and remind them that they have control over how they respond. Focusing on what’s next instead of dwelling on past misfortunes brings back a sense of control. We can’t change what’s already happened, but we can choose how to handle things moving forward. It’s all about resilience. Remind them that no matter how tough things get, they always have the ability to rise above it.
11. “People only care about themselves.”
They’ve obviously been hurt before, but remind them of the goodness in the world with, “Some people do, but there are plenty who genuinely care — what about [specific example]?” A common pessimistic view is that people are selfish and self-centred. By giving an example of someone showing care or kindness, you balance their perspective and help them see that there is love and kindness in the world too. It’s easy to feel like the world revolves around people’s self-interests, especially when you’ve been let down. But there are plenty of people out there who genuinely care, whether it’s a family member, a friend, or even a colleague who took the time to listen. Showing them those examples of goodness helps shift the lens through which they see the world.
12. “It’s going to be a disaster.”
Your response here should be simple: “It might not be perfect, but what if it’s better than you expect?” It’s easy to fall into the trap of expecting the worst, but by suggesting that things might not be as bad as imagined, you help them see that not everything will turn out negatively. This opens up the possibility that things could go better than they expect. When people are focused on the worst-case scenario, it’s important to remind them that life often surprises us. Things may not be perfect, but they can be better than they expected. Offering a different viewpoint, one that allows room for something better, can help them approach the situation with a bit more optimism and a little less stress.
13. “I never get any opportunities.”
That’s likely untrue, but be proactive here with, “Opportunities can be created too. What’s something you’ve always wanted to start on your own terms?” Changing the way they look at the situation encourages them to take control of their own destiny, rather than passively waiting for opportunities to fall into their lap. It opens up the idea that they can create the change they’re desperate for. It’s frustrating when you feel stuck and like life is passing you by. But opportunities don’t always show up ready-made; sometimes, we have to go out and create them ourselves. Whether it’s starting a project, taking a new course, or reaching out to someone for guidance, creating your own opportunities is a powerful way to take charge of your future.
14. “Nobody understands what I’m going through.”
That’s unlikely true, but they won’t be willing to hear that at the moment, so try something that’s generally supportive, like, “That sounds isolating, but I’m here to listen if you want to share.” Sometimes, all someone needs is to feel heard. By offering an empathetic, non-judgemental ear, you make them feel less alone, helping them open up. It’s a small gesture, but it can make a huge difference in how they perceive their situation. Feeling misunderstood can be one of the most isolating experiences. Just knowing that someone is there to listen, without judgement or immediate solutions, can make the world of difference. Reminding them they’re not alone in their struggle and that someone cares can help them feel supported, and more open to finding a way forward.
15. “It’s all just going to get worse anyway.”
You’re not going to convince them otherwise, but you can say something like, “Maybe it will, but maybe it won’t. What’s something small you can focus on today to make things easier?” Focusing on something immediate and actionable can help them feel like they have some control in a situation that feels out of hand. By shifting the focus to the present moment, you reduce the sense of helplessness. It’s easy to catastrophise when things aren’t going well, but there’s always something that can be done in the here and now to make things feel more manageable. Instead of letting worries about the future take over, remind them to take one thing at a time, focusing on what they can do today. This helps ground them in the present and stops them from spiralling into overwhelming thoughts.
16. “I can’t do it, so I’m not even going to try.”
You can’t make someone feel inspired or motivated, but go with, “What if you just tried a little and saw how it felt? You don’t have to get it perfect, just get started.” Pessimism often comes from the fear of failure, but breaking a task down into smaller, more manageable steps makes it seem less daunting. Encouraging them to just start, without the pressure of perfection, makes the task feel more achievable. The thought of not succeeding can paralyse us, but often, the hardest part is simply getting started. By focusing on the first small step, rather than the entire task ahead, you help them take that crucial leap forward. It’s all about making progress, no matter how small, and giving themselves the chance to see how it feels once they begin.
