The words we use are powerful, and they can have a huge effect on the people we direct them toward.
You might think you’re helping someone see the bright side, but this phrase often lands wrong. When someone’s hurting, they’re not looking for comparisons—they just want their pain to be acknowledged. Dismissing their feelings by pointing out how things could be worse can leave them feeling unheard and even more isolated. Sometimes, the most supportive thing you can say is simply, “That sounds really tough.”
1. “It could be worse!”
While meant to provide perspective, this phrase dismisses someone’s current struggles by comparing them to hypothetical worse situations. Their pain is real and valid at this moment, regardless of what other people might be experiencing. This attempt at comfort often leaves people feeling more isolated in their experiences.
2. “At least you…”
Trying to find the silver lining in someone’s struggle can unintentionally minimise what they’re going through. Phrases like, “At least you already have one child,” or “At least you have a good job,” might come from a place of wanting to comfort, but they can feel dismissive. Instead, try validating their feelings first—“I can see why that’s upsetting”—before offering any perspective.
3. “Just get over it.”
This one stings. It suggests that someone’s emotions are an inconvenience, as if they’re taking too long to process something. Healing doesn’t have a set timeline, and rushing someone through their feelings is rarely helpful. Instead, try asking how you can support them or just listening without judgement.
4. “I know exactly how you feel.”
Even if you’ve been through something similar, every person’s experience is unique. Saying this can unintentionally shift the focus onto you, rather than allowing them space to share their own feelings. Instead of assuming you know how they feel, try saying, “That sounds really hard—do you want to talk about it?”
5. “Everything happens for a reason.”
This is often said in an attempt to provide comfort, but it can feel dismissive—especially in moments of loss or pain. Not everything in life comes with a neat explanation or purpose, and suggesting otherwise can come across as invalidating. Sometimes, simply sitting with someone in their pain and saying, “I’m here for you,” is far more meaningful.
6. “You’re too sensitive.”
Calling someone “too sensitive” doesn’t just dismiss their feelings—it puts the blame on them for reacting at all. It’s a way of saying their emotions are the problem, rather than addressing the issue at hand. A better approach? Try understanding their perspective and asking, “What’s upsetting you?”
7. “Stop being so dramatic.”
This is a classic way to brush off someone’s feelings, making it sound like they’re overreacting or attention-seeking. But what feels big to them might genuinely be a big deal. Instead of shutting them down, try asking, “What’s going on? You seem really upset.” It opens the door to understanding instead of slamming it shut.
8. “You should just…”
Unsolicited advice can come across as condescending, even when it’s well-meant. Saying “you should just” makes it sound like the solution is simple and obvious, which can feel dismissive of how complicated things might actually be. A more supportive response? “That sounds tough—how are you thinking of handling it?”
9. “You’re overthinking it.”
While you might think you’re helping someone calm down, this phrase often has the opposite effect. It can make them feel like their natural process of analysing or worrying is a flaw. Instead, try validating their need to process: “It sounds like this is really weighing on you—want to talk it through?”
10. “I did it, so can you.”
This phrase, often meant as encouragement, ignores the fact that everyone faces unique challenges. Just because you managed something doesn’t mean the same path is accessible or realistic for someone else. Instead of comparing, try saying, “I know it’s hard—how can I help you get there?”
11. “Just be positive.”
Toxic positivity is real, and this phrase is a prime example. While a hopeful outlook can be helpful, telling someone to “just be positive” dismisses their right to feel upset, frustrated, or sad. A better approach might be, “It’s okay to feel this way—how can I support you?”
12. “What did you expect?”
This phrase comes off as a judgement rather than support. It implies that someone brought their situation on themselves, which isn’t what anyone wants to hear when they’re struggling. A more empathetic response? “I’m sorry this happened—what can we do to make it better?”
13. “You always/never…”
Using sweeping statements like “you always” or “you never” in an argument makes it sound like someone is entirely defined by one behaviour. It’s not only unhelpful—it’s usually not true. Instead, focus on the specific issue: “I felt hurt when you didn’t respond earlier—can we talk about that?”
14. “It’s not that bad.”
Minimising someone’s experience by deciding for them that it’s “not that bad” dismisses their feelings entirely. Pain and struggles are relative, and what might seem minor to you could feel massive to them. A better response is, “That sounds really hard—how are you holding up?”
15. “Why can’t you be more like…”
Comparing someone to someone else—whether it’s a sibling, friend, or colleague—can cut deeply. It suggests they’re not enough as they are and creates unnecessary pressure. Instead of comparing, focus on what they’re doing well: “I really appreciate how you handled that—it meant a lot.”
16. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
This phrase dismisses someone’s feelings entirely, making them feel small or silly for caring. What might seem minor to you could be genuinely upsetting for them. Instead, try asking, “What’s making you feel this way?” It shows you’re open to understanding rather than dismissing.
