Your relationship with your adult children is no doubt different from when they were younger.
And while you don’t need to shield their delicate ears from things the way you did when they were little, there are still certain boundaries that need to stay in place to preserve the parent/child relationship. With that in mind, here are some things you should never do in front of your adult children.
1. Don’t criticise their life choices.
Your adult children are making their own way in the world. Openly criticising their career choices, relationships, or lifestyle can create tension and distance. Instead, offer support and advice only when asked. Their life path doesn’t have to mirror yours to be valid.
2. Don’t discuss intimate details of your relationship.
While it’s great to have a close relationship with your adult children, oversharing about your romantic life can make them uncomfortable. Keep intimate details of your relationship private. Your children, regardless of age, likely don’t want to hear about their parents’ love life.
3. Don’t badmouth their other parent.
If you’re separated or divorced, resist the urge to speak negatively about your ex in front of your children. This puts them in an awkward position and can damage your relationship with them. They love both parents and shouldn’t be made to feel like they have to choose sides.
4. Avoid comparing them to their siblings or other people.
Comparisons can breed resentment and insecurity, even in adulthood. Each of your children is unique, with their own strengths and challenges. Avoid phrases like “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” or “Your cousin already owns a house”. These comparisons can harm their self-esteem and your relationship.
5. Don’t dismiss their opinions or ideas.
Your adult children have their own worldviews and opinions, which may differ from yours. Dismissing or belittling their ideas can make them feel disrespected. Even if you disagree, listen with an open mind and engage in respectful dialogue. This shows you value their thoughts and perspectives.
6. Avoid excessive drinking or irresponsible behaviour.
While it’s fine to enjoy a drink with your adult children, excessive drinking or irresponsible behaviour can be uncomfortable for them. They may worry about your health or safety, or feel embarrassed. Keep your behaviour respectful and moderate when spending time with them.
7. Don’t pry into their financial situation.
Unless they’ve asked for your advice or help, avoid asking probing questions about their finances. Questions like “How much do you earn?” or “Can you afford that?” can feel invasive. Respect their financial independence and offer support only if they request it.
8. Avoid pressuring them about grandchildren.
If your children don’t have kids yet, resist the urge to pressure them about it. Comments like “When are you going to give me grandchildren?” can be stressful, especially if they’re dealing with fertility issues or simply aren’t ready. Trust that they’ll make the right choice for themselves when the time is right.
9. Don’t treat them like children.
It’s easy to slip into old patterns, but remember, your children are adults now. Avoid treating them like kids by giving unsolicited advice, making decisions for them, or trying to control their actions. Respect their autonomy and treat them as the adults they are.
10. Avoid discussing your health problems constantly.
While it’s important to keep your children informed about significant health issues, constantly discussing every ache and pain can be overwhelming for them. It may cause unnecessary worry or make them feel burdened. Share important health information, but try to keep the conversation balanced.
11. Don’t complain about getting older.
Constant complaints about ageing can be distressing for your adult children. They may worry about your well-being or feel guilty about their own youth. Instead, focus on the positives of your life stage and share your wisdom and experiences in a positive way.
12. Avoid making negative comments about their appearance.
Comments about weight, clothing choices, or general appearance can be hurtful, even for adult children. Avoid critiquing their looks or style. If they ask for your opinion, be kind and constructive. Their body and style choices are their own.
13. Don’t try to compete with them.
As your children become successful adults, it’s important not to feel threatened by their achievements. However, don’t try to one-up them or compete for attention. Instead, celebrate their successes and be proud of the adults they’ve become.
14. Avoid discussing inheritance or family assets.
Source: Unsplash Unless it’s absolutely necessary, avoid discussing inheritance or family assets in front of your adult children because it can create tension between siblings and may make them uncomfortable. If these discussions are needed, consider having them privately or with a financial advisor present.
15. Don’t overshare about their childhood.
While childhood stories can be fun to reminisce about, be mindful of oversharing embarrassing details, especially in front of other people. Your adult children may not appreciate you recounting their every mishap or awkward phase. Respect their privacy and ask before sharing personal stories.
16. Avoid making assumptions about their personal life.
Don’t make assumptions about your adult children’s personal lives, especially regarding relationships or sexuality. Avoid asking intrusive questions or making comments based on assumptions. Let them share information about their personal lives on their own terms, and be open and supportive when they do.
