Whether it’s our ticking biological clocks or societal pressure, as women, we feel the heat about coupling up.
Finding a good partner isn’t easy, though, and the older you get, the more desperate you might become. Unfortunately, this desperation tends to come through in everything you do, and it makes you way less attractive — and actually off-putting— as a result. If you tend to do these things, you’re sending a clear message that you’re doing way too much to get away from the single life.
1. Constantly texting or calling
There’s a fine line between showing interest and coming on too strong. Bombarding someone with messages or calls can feel overwhelming. It might seem like you’re just being attentive, but it can come across as needy or controlling. Give the other person some breathing room. If they’re interested, they’ll respond. If not, no amount of texting will change that.
2. Changing yourself to fit what you think they want
Suddenly developing an interest in football when you’ve never watched a match? Or pretending to love sushi when it makes you queasy? It might seem like a good way to connect, but it’s not sustainable. Being genuine is far more attractive than being a chameleon. Plus, it’s exhausting trying to keep up a facade. You want someone who likes you for you, not some version you’ve created.
3. Oversharing personal information too soon
Opening up is important in relationships, but there’s such a thing as too much, too soon. Dumping your entire life story, including all your traumas and insecurities, on someone you barely know can be overwhelming. It might seem like you’re building intimacy, but it can actually scare people off. Let relationships develop naturally, and save the deep stuff for when you’ve built some trust.
4. Being overly available
Always free whenever they call? Dropping everything to see them at a moment’s notice? While flexibility is good, being too available can make you seem like you don’t have a life of your own. It’s okay to have other commitments and priorities. Having your own interests and responsibilities makes you more intriguing, not less.
5. Fishing for compliments
Constantly putting yourself down in hopes of hearing praise is transparent and tiresome. “I look awful today” or “I’m so stupid” might seem like harmless self-deprecation, but it puts the other person in an awkward position. It comes across as insecure and attention-seeking. Work on genuine self-confidence instead of relying on other people for validation.
6. Trying to make them jealous
Flirting with other people or talking about your exes to spark jealousy is a risky game. It might seem like a good way to gauge their interest, but it often backfires. At best, it’s seen as immature. At worst, it can push them away entirely. If you want to know where you stand, honest communication is always better than playing games.
7. Overanalysing every interaction
Source: Unsplash Spending hours dissecting every text or conversation, looking for hidden meanings, is a recipe for anxiety. It’s easy to read too much into things when you’re feeling insecure. But this overthinking often leads to misunderstandings and unnecessary stress. Take things at face value more often. If something’s unclear, it’s okay to ask for clarification directly.
8. Neglecting your own interests and friends
Source: Unsplash Dropping all your hobbies and ditching your friends to focus solely on a new romantic interest is a red flag. It might seem devoted, but it’s actually unhealthy. Maintaining your own life makes you more interesting and balanced. Plus, if things don’t work out, you haven’t lost your entire support system and sense of self.
9. Being overly agreeable
Always saying yes and never expressing a different opinion might seem like a way to keep the peace, but it’s not attractive. Having your own thoughts and preferences makes you interesting. Don’t be afraid to disagree sometimes. Healthy debates and discussions can actually bring people closer. Just remember to do it respectfully.
10. Trying to rush the relationship
Pushing for commitment too soon or trying to plan a future together when you’ve just started dating can be off-putting. It’s natural to be excited about a new relationship, but moving too fast can scare people off. Let things develop naturally. Enjoy getting to know each other without the pressure of long-term expectations.
11. Overcompensating with gifts or favours
Showering someone with expensive gifts or doing every little thing for them might seem generous, but it can make people uncomfortable. It can come across as trying to buy affection or create a sense of obligation. Thoughtful gestures are great, but keep them proportional to the stage of your relationship.
12. Pretending to be less intelligent
Dumbing yourself down or pretending not to understand things to appear more “feminine” or less threatening is a dated and harmful tactic. Intelligence is attractive. The right person will appreciate your mind, not be intimidated by it. Engaging in meaningful conversations and showing your knowledge can actually deepen connections.
13. Excessive social media stalking
We’ve all done a bit of online research, but going through years of someone’s posts or constantly checking their activity crosses a line. It’s even worse if you accidentally reveal how much you know about their online life. It comes across as obsessive and can make people feel uncomfortable. Remember, social media is just a highlight reel, not the full picture.
14. Forcing physical intimacy
Pushing for physical intimacy before both parties are ready can be a major turn-off. This includes everything from unwanted touching to pressuring for sex. Respect for boundaries is crucial. Let physical intimacy develop naturally as you both become more comfortable with each other. Consent and mutual desire are key to a healthy physical relationship.
15. Faking shared interests
Pretending to love their favourite band or claiming to be passionate about a hobby you’ve never tried might seem like a good way to connect, but it’s not sustainable. Eventually, the truth will come out, and you’ll look dishonest. It’s okay to have different interests. Showing genuine curiosity about their passions while being honest about your own is much more attractive.
16. Obsessing over your appearance
Constantly checking your makeup, adjusting your clothes, or asking “Do I look okay?” shows a lack of confidence. Taking pride in your appearance is great, but obsessing over it can be distracting and off-putting. Remember, confidence is attractive. Focus on feeling comfortable in your own skin rather than striving for perfection.
