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UnsplashWe’ve all met someone who can’t help but make everything about themselves, who always seems to have a story that one-ups yours, or who constantly needs validation and admiration.
While these might be overt signs of narcissism, there are also more subtle verbal cues that can reveal a hidden narcissistic streak. These patterns of speech might not be obvious at first, but they can offer clues into a person’s underlying need for attention, admiration, and control. If you do these things, you might be more narcissistic than you’d like to think (or admit).
1. You frequently use the words “I,” “me,” and “my” in conversations.
It’s natural to talk about yourself, but if you find that your conversations are overwhelmingly focused on your own experiences, thoughts, and feelings, it could be a sign of a self-centred mindset. Try to actively listen to people, ask questions about their lives, and show genuine interest in their perspectives. Remember, conversations are a two-way street.
2. You interrupt people a lot or change the subject to bring the focus back to yourself.
Have you ever been mid-sentence only to have someone hijack the conversation with their own anecdote or opinion? This can be a frustrating experience, especially if it happens frequently. Try to practice active listening and let people finish their thoughts before jumping in with your own. Remember, everyone deserves to be heard.
3. You tend to exaggerate or embellish your accomplishments and experiences.
Maybe you inflate your role in a project, claim credit for ideas that weren’t yours, or make your life seem more glamorous than it actually is. While it’s natural to want to present yourself in a positive light, it’s important to be honest and avoid exaggeration. People will appreciate your authenticity more than a fabricated persona.
4. You often downplay or dismiss other people’s achievements or opinions.
Maybe you belittle someone’s success, downplay their contributions, or brush off their opinions as unimportant. This can be a way of maintaining a sense of superiority or control. Try to acknowledge and celebrate other people’s accomplishments, even if they don’t align with your own interests or values. Remember, everyone has something valuable to offer.
5. You frequently use language that is manipulative or controlling.
You might guilt-trip people, make them feel obligated to do what you want, or use passive-aggressive tactics to get your way. This can be a subtle form of emotional abuse and can destroy trust and intimacy in relationships. Instead of trying to control people, focus on expressing your needs and desires directly and respectfully. Be willing to compromise and negotiate.
6. You often make jokes at other people’s expense or use sarcasm to put them down.
Humour can be a great way to connect with people, but when it’s used to belittle or humiliate, it becomes hurtful and damaging. If you find yourself constantly making jokes that target other people’s insecurities or weaknesses, it might be time to re-evaluate your sense of humour. Try to find ways to make people laugh without putting them down.
7. You find it painful when you need to apologise or admit when you’re wrong.
Perhaps you deflect blame, make excuses, or minimise the impact of your actions. This can be a sign of a lack of accountability and empathy. Everyone makes mistakes, and it’s important to own up to them and apologise when necessary. This shows respect for people and leads to healthier relationships.
8. You’re quick to take offence or feel slighted, even when there’s no malicious intent.
Maybe you perceive criticism where there is none, or you take innocent remarks personally. This hypersensitivity can be a sign of an inflated ego or a fragile sense of self. Try to consider other perspectives before reacting defensively, and remember that not everything is about you.
9. You fish for compliments and reassurance.
You might subtly brag about your accomplishments or drop hints about how much effort you put into something, hoping someone will notice and praise you. While it’s natural to want recognition, constantly looking for validation can be a sign of insecurity and a need for external approval. Try to focus on your own internal sense of accomplishment and self-worth, rather than relying on other people to build you up.
10. You can’t empathise with people or see things from their perspective.
Perhaps you brush off other people’s feelings, minimise their problems, or offer advice that isn’t helpful or appropriate. This lack of empathy can make it difficult to form deep, meaningful connections. Try to put yourself in other people’s shoes, listen actively to their concerns, and validate their emotions. A little empathy can go a long way in building stronger relationships.
11. You’re overly competitive and have a strong need to win, even in trivial matters.
You might turn everything into a competition, from board games to work projects. This constant need to be the best can be exhausting for you and those around you. Try to focus on collaboration and teamwork, and remember that not everything is a zero-sum game. Sometimes, the most rewarding experiences come from working together towards a common goal.
12. You have a tendency to blame other people for your own mistakes or shortcomings.
It’s easy to point the finger at someone else when things go wrong, but taking responsibility for your own actions is a sign of maturity and self-awareness. If you find yourself constantly blaming people for your problems, it might be time to look inward and examine your own role in the situation. This can help you learn from your mistakes and avoid repeating them in the future.
13. You can’t accept feedback or criticism, even when it’s constructive.
You might become defensive or angry when someone points out your flaws or offers suggestions for improvement. This can be a sign of a fragile ego or a fear of vulnerability. Remember, feedback can be a valuable tool for growth and development. Try to be open to hearing different perspectives, even if they’re not what you want to hear.
14. You often use flattery or insincere compliments to manipulate people or gain their favour.
While genuine compliments can be a great way to show appreciation, using flattery as a tool for manipulation can be harmful and insincere. If you find yourself using compliments to get something you want or to control people, it’s time to re-evaluate your motives. Try to be more genuine in your interactions and focus on building relationships based on trust and respect, rather than manipulation and deceit.
15. You have a tendency to hold grudges or try to get revenge.
This can be a destructive pattern that can poison your relationships and prevent you from moving forward. Try to practice forgiveness, even when it’s difficult. Remember, being angry and resentful only hurts you in the long run. Make like Elsa and let it go!
16. You believe that you’re entitled to special treatment or privileges that other people aren’t.
This sense of entitlement can manifest in a variety of ways, such as expecting other people to cater to your needs, demanding special favours, or feeling resentful when you don’t get what you want. It’s important to recognise that everyone is equal and that you’re not inherently more deserving than anyone else. Try to practice gratitude and humility, and treat people with the same respect and consideration that you would like to receive.
